DS’s dad cut his hair without asking me

[Minimelanie]

me and DS’s dad are separated. Never married. He works full time and has his son on the weekends.
we agreed a hair cut when DS started school and he paid. I told him how I wanted it to be and it turned out ok although I do prefer longer hair on him.
the cut was a mid length shaggy cut. I now want DS to grow his hair long again so I told ex’s partner I want it to be left to grow (me and ex communicate by email or I pass messages to his partner).
she dropped DS back last week and he’s cut his hair into a crew cut without asking me.

Am I right to feel annoyed that he should have asked me? DS is in first year of school.

My thought too.

YABU. Do you ask your ex for permission every time you get your sons hair cut?

He's his parent too.

Wow

In that case you are being massively unreasonable. At least he has one parent who listens to him.

Nope

Then his dad did the right thing.

Than how he wants it?

Nope unless it is a ridiculous ask even at 5 he gets autonomy not you

if he asked your ex fo a haircut and it was done how he wanted it to be absolutely fine

The only person who should have a say in how his hair is, is your son. His Father is clearly the better parent.

This

YABU. The father is correct and has done as his son wishes - as he should.
Shame on you allowing your child to be picked on because it’s what you want. Give yourself a shake. Poor boy.

You think your son is too young to be bullied while you bully him. He expressed his preference and you wanted to ignore it, thankfully his father is more inclined to listen to him.

Kids can be bullied at 5. Trust me.

This isn't some power dynamic between you and your ex. Your son wanted it short. Get over it.

Guess what you don't. Legally you both have equal say doesn't matter who has the child more. I don't agree that he's took the child for this haircut knowing how you feel without discussing it, however I don't agree with you telling him how your shared sons hair will be without actually discussing it either, he's treated you as you treat him by making a unilateral decision so both of you are in the wrong from a coparenting point of view. However Dad actually listened to what the child wanted, you didn't so thats you in the wrong on that one. Yabu.

Your son is old enough to decide how he wants his hair. If he wants it short then it’s not really your choice to make.

As a mother of a son who had long curly hair I completely understand you wanting to hold onto that, but there comes a time when having short hair is more in keeping with their lives - in this case school - where he has clearly had his hair length pointed out to him.

I had all of my son’s hair cut off when he started school - because as others have said - kids can be cruel. As much as I thought it was cute and adorable, he definitely would have been ribbed for it

Marvellous.

I'm glad he got his hair cut in that case.

My teen son has long luscious hair and it’s gorgeous but when he first started growing it, I thought it looked untidy. I have a v short pixie cut and would love long hair but it looks crap on me. 🤷🏻‍♀️

You have to let this go.

Thing is, you’re just discovering that as your DS starts to grow up, he’ll have his own opinions about his style and how he likes to dress, wear his hair etc. Whether he wants to conform or stand apart from the rest.

Regardless of what his dad thinks, you need to accept that your son is an individual and he’s not a toy to dress how you like.

Also, when your child tells you that someone is bullying them/hurting them/upsetting them, you need to wake up and pay attention. DS was bullied in nursery.

Nobody is too young to be bullied and if he doesn’t want it long for whatever reason then you should cut it. Why do you seem to think everyone else has to conform to your wishes and get upset when they don’t?

Sounds like your ex has your DS’s best interests at heart and you don’t

It doesn't work like that, your son is being bullied, 5 is not too young to feel bullied and laughed at, his dad did the right thing. What would you prefer? He has shaggy hair that you want or being bullied.

Yeah sorry if a 5 year old has expressed the kids make fun of him or call him a girl, your preference doesn't hold up higher than his.

Well done to Dad for listening to his son.

YABU for ignoring your son's request to have shorter hair. He should have the biggest say, not you or his dad.

Your ex should have had a conversation about it with you but I suspect he felt you'd just kick off about it. He advocated for his son - fair play.

My son has mid length hair because that's what he wants. My only rule is no skinheads and no designs shaved into the sides because school doesn't allow either. Your son has asked for his hair short and his dad has supported that. You refusing to cut it is no different to a child wanting long hair and a parent buzz cutting it regardless.

Your son doesn’t exist just to look nice to others. Autonomy is important and this is a good place to start. It’s also a good opportunity to remind yourself that you are equal parents and whether you’d like it if you had to ask your ex’s permission for things like this.

Dont be ridiculous, your son has the say in how he should have his hair!

Unless he wants its blue 😂