DS’s dad cut his hair without asking me

[Minimelanie]

me and DS’s dad are separated. Never married. He works full time and has his son on the weekends.
we agreed a hair cut when DS started school and he paid. I told him how I wanted it to be and it turned out ok although I do prefer longer hair on him.
the cut was a mid length shaggy cut. I now want DS to grow his hair long again so I told ex’s partner I want it to be left to grow (me and ex communicate by email or I pass messages to his partner).
she dropped DS back last week and he’s cut his hair into a crew cut without asking me.

Am I right to feel annoyed that he should have asked me? DS is in first year of school.

There isn't a set age for being bullied. Children can start at playgroups, nurseries to bully or be bullied.

Or... your son, who has to live with it 24/7, has more of a say...

More than your son himself?

More of a say than your son, who has that hair on his head 24/7? What a strange concept.

5 year olds can and will bully each other, just to clarify! Good thing to know for future. So, problem solved - it was just a misunderstanding on your part about what 5 year olds are capable of, DS is happy, all sorted.

You think he’s too young to be bullied? Ridiculous!

children start pointing of differences almost as soon as they are born - it’s part of learning

and toddlers can be bullies

and even if he isn’t bullied he might not like his differences being pointed out to him

Well, you don’t. Don’t be so petty and immature.

Your son is with his hair all the time, he gets the most say and he's said what he wants, short.

He is 5? He doesn’t like long hair.

Oh come on Op. Let him have it short.

Yabu. Bullying isn't something to take lightly.

I'm surprised that you are more bothered that about the haircut being done without your permission than your child being bullied. And why do you think your choice of haircut is more important than the child's fathers.

Nope, it’s up to your son and he already told you he didn’t like it but you didn’t listen to him about HIS hair.

Your DS doesn't want hair that makes him look like a girl. Stop foisting your own wishes onto him.

He’s not a possession or a pet to dress up as you please - it’s his hair, if he wants it short he gets to have it short.

Its your sons hair and if he wants it short then that overrides your wanting it long.

He’s 5 that’s old enough to decide how he wants his hair, it’s not up to you

he has already said he gets comments at school and doesn’t like it. You should be listening to him, his choice not yours

My boys (secondary aged) have longer hair- it has always been their choice although it was led my me when they were small (but I did occasionally ask if they wanted it cut).

If they wanted it cut, they would get it cut- it’s their hair.

You need to listen to your DS. He said he wanted it cut and gave a clear reason and you have completely dismissed his feelings.

Why do you think your wishes for DS’ hair are more important than DS’ wishes for his own hair, OP?

YABU to think you get to control this.

Thank goodness that your son has one parent who listens to him.

You could not be more unreasonable.

It might not be bullying. Kids will say what they think at that age without much filter. But if your son preferred to cut it to have a more boyish cut that is completely fair.

Anyway, if your son said he wanted his hair cut good on your ex for taking him. You ought to have done so yourself.

More generally - you really cannot sweat stuff like this with co-parenting, it will be miserable for all.

So why are you not listening too him?

Well, you don't.

So your ex put your son's wishes first rather than your preference of long hair. Good on him. You seem to want to put your desire over your son's wishes. He is a person in his own right and not a doll. And if you think that he is too young to experience bullying then you are very naive.

Not Something I’d be worried about. If the child is happy.