My 6 yr old has attacked another child

[FeelShame]

My 6 yr old is autistic. He was diagnosed very young after some concerning behaviour and unable to do activities at nursery. We have worked hard on behaviour and we have had support.

He has been doing really well in mainstream. But he's been getting rage at home. He's kind and gentle and then when he feels rejected - he gets rage and screams or shouts. Im always there to control it

He's normally fine at school but today he went for another kid. Totally out of control. The teachers didnt get to them in time. The kid has marks all over his face. They said it was bad enough to suspend him but aren't going to because of his diagnosis and because its the 1st time.

I've messaged the mum apologising and saying there are no excuses and I will do everything and anything to prevent it happening again. No reply.

Should I try to talk to her at school gate? Should I just leave it? I know no expectation for her to be understanding. I would be furious.

Any advice on what to do.

School should be supportive of your child but they are not. This is not your fault. What is your fault is you knowing this and still sending him in to attack other kids. He is ultimately your responsibility and you can prevent this. Kids getting attacked is not ok. Fight for your child to get the correct help but don’t just put him in and hope for the best. Only you can protect these kids if the school won’t. I do feel for you but you can do the right thing here. Keeping him home may make them move their arses to put things in place for him x

Or op will be fined and referred to social services and lose her job

No she won’t it’s not illegal to home educate. As for her job it’s her responsibility to sort/ work from home or whatever she can do, other kids don’t deserve violence so she can go to work.

What if she can't afford to home educate? How will she work from home if she is home educating? An autistic child at home is full time caring. She won't be able to work. I can't leave my autistic four year old for longer than a minute or two.

Having been on both sides of this, I'd say leave it with the other mum for now. My DS goes to a special school, he was severely bitten on the face not once but twice within two weeks. He's non verbal so couldn't tell me anything about it, but I figured out who the culprit was fairly easily. I wasn't annoyed at the child, it can be part and parcel of send unfortunately, and my DS has given me just as bad many times. The initial reaction is shock, and upset for your child, but my annoyance especially the second time was with staff who weren't adequately following this child's behaviour plan (known face biter).
I would ask staff if they are putting an IBP in place for your child, and how they hope to prevent it happening again, that's all you can do, you're not there. If your child is able to understand then obviously discuss it with them, but you've done all you can from your end. It's not your fault.

Perhaps he should be in a school or a setting for children with additional needs then?
It doesn't really work as seen mixing children.

Nobody who says that a parent should home educate in these circumstances actually answers the question about how this would be possible if that parent couldn’t afford to give up work? If they do answer, it’s to say, ‘not the other parent’s problem.’

But it becomes their problem if parents of SEND children who can’t get a place for their DC in a special school have to home educate them. Because they would end up having to claim benefits.

Seriously leave her alone. Don’t be shocked if your son is moved classrooms or the other child is. Absolutely no amount of remorse or apologising is going to make the child or mother feel better. He should have his EHCP looked at again now to see if he can have a 1:1, or if his needs have escalated beyond what’s already in place. It should happen anyway, but I would be asking to speak to the SENDCO to see if you can do a review.
I would also tell the school you are happy to sit in a meeting with the other parents and apologise in front of the teachers. So many schools refuse to mediate meetings between parents in these cases because the perpetrators parents think they can just shy away.

I’d rather someone claimed benefits than attacked my child.

Of course you would. But it would lead to more taxpayers’ money going on benefits to increase; hopefully you wouldn’t then complain about the necessary rise in taxes to cover this?

What if a friend/family member of yours was facing the problem of what to do if they had a DC who couldn’t cope in mainstream education and lashed out? Would you advise them to give up work and homeschool the child? Bearing in mind that this friend/family member would potentially be fined for not sending their child into school.

Wouldn’t complain about taxes, already pay a shitload.

Would advise relative to
-speak to school and request suspension is honoured
-homeschool if child can’t be around other children without attacking them.

Why would they be fined for homeschooling?