My 6 yr old has attacked another child

[FeelShame]

My 6 yr old is autistic. He was diagnosed very young after some concerning behaviour and unable to do activities at nursery. We have worked hard on behaviour and we have had support.

He has been doing really well in mainstream. But he's been getting rage at home. He's kind and gentle and then when he feels rejected - he gets rage and screams or shouts. Im always there to control it

He's normally fine at school but today he went for another kid. Totally out of control. The teachers didnt get to them in time. The kid has marks all over his face. They said it was bad enough to suspend him but aren't going to because of his diagnosis and because its the 1st time.

I've messaged the mum apologising and saying there are no excuses and I will do everything and anything to prevent it happening again. No reply.

Should I try to talk to her at school gate? Should I just leave it? I know no expectation for her to be understanding. I would be furious.

Any advice on what to do.

So she keeps him home and gets fined?

This thread is infuriating. You can't just demand a place in a special school and get one.

I have sympathy for both the children. Neither should be in that situation.

There's nothing you could have done differently. I think the school is wrong- a suspension around have occurred. Regardless of why he didn't violence against another child has to mean suspension, if only to guve the victim a break from seeing the perpetrator.
And a suspension might even have helped you get the help you need.

You're in a tough situation.

She should have asked them to honour the suspension.

They all have the potential.

Bet you would change your tune if it was the other way round.

Governors can overturn a suspension if child has SEND and adjustments have not been taken into account when deciding whether to suspend

That's like saying every adult has the potential, pointless statement really because anyone who does attack other people has to face consequences

I bet I wouldn’t !

Leave her alone ffs

It is that easy, to keep my child safe. Which was all I cared about and after 6 years, all that mattered. I honestly don’t care what would have happened to that kid. Six years of my child being attacked. It really was as simple as pulling that kid out of school and my child wouldn’t have been attacked.

That kid’s issues were not my problem and not my child’s problem and after years of it, they lost all right to any empathy from me. He should have been removed.

Luckily it stopped once police were involved, which tells me that it would have stopped sooner if his parents had actually parented or done anything f at all than cry that he had autism.

I'm not saying it's your problem at all. However a parent cannot demand a place at a specialist setting for their child and for all you know, the parent may be fighting for that.

Your later post sounds like you don't believe it was autism, in which case it isn't relevant. We can only take the op's post at face value and assume her son does indeed have autism.

The amount of responses on here that think removing the child from school so they ‘learn’ that that behaviour isn’t acceptable is actually laughable.

Ditto the amount of responses that seem to think that the OP has more control over the situation. Realistically she has very little. The school system isn’t set up for parents input. And without an EHCP the schools hands are tied.

There’s two young children being affected here. I’ve been on both ends of the situation and every situation needs a different response. There’s literally no one size fits all solution.

He very much did have autism, but he also had parents who never said no. That boy had never been told no. Because “he’s autistic and we just can’t do that.” Even the headteacher said “I don’t think he’s ever been told no.”

But they do need to be parented, they do need to have consequences, they do need to have punishments, they do need to see their parents actually considering their impact on other people. The OP should have kept her kid out of school, after discussing with school that a suspension is warranted so she would do it voluntarily and spend the time discussing the behaviour with her child and arranging some private counselling and agent management for kids with autism.

Instead, there are no consequences and the OP wants to hound the mum to accept an apology that means nothing because OP had not backed it up with action.

It’s going to take until he is a teen and the police bring in consequences.

He needs to be taken out of school for the other child. So that child can go into school and have a few days to settle after being attacked, without sitting in a room with their attacker. Thats why he needs to be removed.

The OP could also spend the time getting him booked into some counselling for kids with autism and anger management for kids with autism. Instead of just sending an apology text, and then being pissed off that the mum ignored it.

Op should have requested that the school honour the suspension. She didn’t though did she?

It's nothing about learning and all about societal justice and protecting others.
The right to safety and even temporary peace for the other childr3n supersedes exponentially, as in it shouldn't even be up for discussion, any right the other children has to comtinuous education.

Agree with this completely. The right to be able to go to school without being violently attacked supercedes anything else. Or it should, it apparently doesn't though which is insane.

It's strange that people seem to think that all children with autism or SEN have absolutely no control or choice over what they do, ever. It doesn't always work that way and your case is proof of that.

If that poster didn't send her child to school she could be fined/prosecuted/social services involved... Lots of people want more support or a place in a special school for their children but can't, as it comes down to money. You have no choice but to keep taking them to school and keep asking for help.
I suppose you could quit your job and homeschool but that's much easier said than done.

As a side note, my child has SEN and has never been violent in his life. Other neuro-typical kids have been horrible to him though.

What is unbelievable is your interpretation of my post.

@FeelShame I’ve just noticed your username. You’ve nothing to be ashamed of, btw. Your child struggled in the moment, whilst not in your care. Shame won’t help you or your DC

Use this as evidence to push for more support for your child now and look into what additional intervention he can get SLT, OT. You saud he went for another child without reason. You just don’t know the reason. It could’ve been sensory, etc.
If you can afford it, get a good advocate on board now. A good one is worth the money and saves so much stress and emotion.

ps I’ve just seen from @Hankunamatata ’s brilliant post that you have no EHCP yet. Get one with an advocate’s help asap

The school has failed, you said-therefore you’re blaming the school.
The children’s needs must be met-therefore you’re blaming the school.

How can you expect the school to predict an attack of that severity when the child had never been violent before?
How can you expect a school to meet the (often opposing) « needs » of thirty children at once? Not all « needs » can be met, expecting that is setting children up for a lifetime of entitlement and disappointment.

Some of the replies on this thread make me laugh with dispare.

No sen parent wants their kid to attack another child. Very few entitled sen parents blame sen and are not desperately trying to do something.

Diagnosis- huge waiting list

Ehcp - schools don't have the funding and put parent off applying because of this.

Even if you get ehcp then your battle is to get a special school place or one that's suitable or even a TA to fill the hours in the ehcp even then you might only get half the school hours funded.

Each parent should advocate for their child. Not spread venom and blame.

If your child is attacked then you go to the school and ask what is done to keep your child safe. If happens again you escalate to governors then LEA.

The system almost pits parents against each other. Its bloody awful

Also op its not unusual for the wheels to come off in the second and third year of school. More attention is needed, more sitting, more concentrating so soda bottle effect comes in

As I said before. Get onto school now

https://www.ipsea.org.uk/pages/category/education-health-and-care-plans

https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/help-and-support

ok

@Hankunamatata I’m really pleased to come back to see that you are making such sensible posts, which are clearly from experience with the system.

Sadly, if one doesn’t advocate strongly for their child with input from other professionals who really know how the system works, they get left behind.

I hope @FeelShame pays attention to your post and is able to get her DC the help he needs.
It can bloody hard and overwhelming but not one else is going to do it for him.