My 6 yr old has attacked another child

[FeelShame]

My 6 yr old is autistic. He was diagnosed very young after some concerning behaviour and unable to do activities at nursery. We have worked hard on behaviour and we have had support.

He has been doing really well in mainstream. But he's been getting rage at home. He's kind and gentle and then when he feels rejected - he gets rage and screams or shouts. Im always there to control it

He's normally fine at school but today he went for another kid. Totally out of control. The teachers didnt get to them in time. The kid has marks all over his face. They said it was bad enough to suspend him but aren't going to because of his diagnosis and because its the 1st time.

I've messaged the mum apologising and saying there are no excuses and I will do everything and anything to prevent it happening again. No reply.

Should I try to talk to her at school gate? Should I just leave it? I know no expectation for her to be understanding. I would be furious.

Any advice on what to do.

Well what’s the answer then?

A 1-to-1 TA… would require taxpayers money.

A placement in a special SEN school that costs way more £££ than mainstream, plus funded transport because the nearest suitable one is an hour plus away… would require taxpayers money.

Refusing the child a TA or special school place and requiring his mother to not work and home educate instead thus relying on benefits… would require taxpayers money.

Correct. Reasons don't matter to the victim.

So is the victim. A child who we should assume enjoyed school and felt safe there.

A child who was attacked and left marks all over their face.

None of my children at six would have felt safe or happy going back in after that.

This is a nasty thread. OP, I'm sorry. People can be horrible.

Leave it. You've apologised, which was the right thing to do, and now you're looking for her to validate you, which is the wrong thing to do.

She doesn't owe you a response, let alone what you're hoping for. It would be aggressively unhelpful to harass her further.

What do you expect her to say? Reality is that whilst that parent will uncomfortably brush that comment off as that’s what you politely do in society, they’re feeling anything but those words.

I suggest you leave her alone. My child has been the victim in such a situation and I had to have the awkward conversation with the parent

Be mindful that the Government want more children with special needs to be in mainstream rather than special schools

Also these threads always seem to give the impression that people believe you can just ‘opt’ for a special school like ticking a form, and all parents of autistic children have made the conscious choice for them to be in mainstream

The “victim”?
We are talking about children here, this wasn’t a crime .

I would be very careful OP, she may take your messaging further as harrassment. And if she feels that the school aren't dealing with this seriously enough, she may be very very angry and on the war path tomorrow.

I think you need to ask for more support if their behaviour is getting more difficult to manage.

So was the one that got physically attacked. Your point is?

What else would you call someone who is attacked and hurt for no reason?

The child was assaulted and injured. They are clearly a victim.

The child was harmed, of course they're a victim.

Exactly. Where are all these elusive ‘special schools??’

It's quite obvious judging by the comments who have SEN experience and who hasn't.. I agree that OP should move this thread to SEN board where people have experience and empathy.

honestly its awful. As a parent been on the attacked childs side - leave her alone she will be furious/upset and devastated.

Your child needs to be in a more appropriate setting, it is unfair on both children and I would not be able to be ok about sending my (attacked) child back into that class

100% agree. I speak sadly with a lot of experience in this areas. I think it’s so stupid that we tell parents their kids can’t watch violent films etc and then think they have to just suck up violence in school, where they ought to feel safe. There’s a reason why anxiety is rising in kids and having to deal with the fall out of inclusion is a big part of it.

OP your child needs to find a school setting where he cannot harm other children. The local authority needs to help you with this. Having him in mainstream is not at all fair on him or his classmates.

Mainstream schooling should be reserved for kids who can sit quietly and learn. They deserve a safe, calm education free from disruption.

I’ve reported this thread too.
I never cease to be amazed at how absolutely dreadful people can be, and to a mum that must be absolutely distraught tonight.
Shame on you all.

Why? Because hearing from the parents of kids who spent years being attacked is too difficult?

Everyone cares about the kid with autism. No one cares about the kids being attacked, and anyone who sits on their side is called names by all the SEN parents because we’re just so cruel.

So everyone must feel sorry for the op.

Not the other child and their parents. Righty.

I regret the thread. Only because what if the mum sees it and feels even more pissed off and annoyed.

I understand people's anger. We have been waiting for am EHCP for 2 yrs on the waiting list. I applied as soon as he started reception. Theyev agreed to issue one but still we wait. I've bloody read the legislation and done all the courses trying to do the right thing

I know none of that context mayters to the mum but I am doing things. I didny even know 6 yr old could get suspended. We had our SEN parents evening only last week and it was glowing saying how much progress.

But youre right I wont message the mum again.

Yep. Again, reasons don't matter to the victims of abuse.

Those people here pretending a child should have to sit in a classroom with someone who viciously attacked them have never had to sit beside a person who physically assaulted them - and need to learn some compassion and kindness.

Obviously something must be done, some sort of school consequences and procedures must be followed before returning the attacker to the immediate vicinity of his victim.

This is not, in the tiniest way, unkind, unfair or unreasonable. It doesn't matter whether it's the attacker's fault or not - the physical assault is real, dangerous, terrifying for the victim and cannot be brushed off.

So its okay for the child that was attacked to either be kept out if school because they are afraid or to be forced to go in to school knowing that they may have to face their attacker!

If I was attacked at work by another staff member I would not expect to have to come into contact with them the following day!

The child that is unable to regulate should be dealt with one to one of if it is not working then excluded. The child that was attacked should not be expected to compromise