My 6 yr old has attacked another child

[FeelShame]

My 6 yr old is autistic. He was diagnosed very young after some concerning behaviour and unable to do activities at nursery. We have worked hard on behaviour and we have had support.

He has been doing really well in mainstream. But he's been getting rage at home. He's kind and gentle and then when he feels rejected - he gets rage and screams or shouts. Im always there to control it

He's normally fine at school but today he went for another kid. Totally out of control. The teachers didnt get to them in time. The kid has marks all over his face. They said it was bad enough to suspend him but aren't going to because of his diagnosis and because its the 1st time.

I've messaged the mum apologising and saying there are no excuses and I will do everything and anything to prevent it happening again. No reply.

Should I try to talk to her at school gate? Should I just leave it? I know no expectation for her to be understanding. I would be furious.

Any advice on what to do.

No just leave her alone, you’ve said sorry and hopefully she understands it’s not your fault. But her child has been hurt and she doesn’t owe you ‘forgiveness’ either, just leave it be

Id just leave it, if she wanted to message you back or contact you she would. Shes probably still feeling anger and frustration her kick has been scratched in school

Please leave her alone. Her child has been attacked and she won't be in the mood for forgiveness.

Leave it.

Perhaps request the suspension to reinforce the lesson to your son that this behaviour will not be tolerated and also allow school to put more safeguards in place

I really feel for you, but don’t message anymore, let the other mum come to terms with it.

Oh please!
What a horribly insensitive comment to make!

I appreciate you want to try to fix this situation but be honest if it was your child would you want to contacted? Please leave well alone.

Please leave her. Her child has been attacked and she is probably very upset and she dealing with a lot of emotions. I know you are too in a different way but please don't contact again. Leave this with the school to deal with. Has your son been suspended?

Wtf!? Kick someone who's lying down. Her son should have a 1:1 if he's prone to violence to protect the others but OP said this was the first time.

Leave her alone. Her child has been attacked so she's probably not interested in anything other than him right now.

I feel for you op. My autistic son did the same a few years back when he was about 7, to a girl. It was horrendous.

i wouldn’t message the mum again or approach her, she will be angry and upset.

you’ve done all you can.

What a disgusting comment. He is a child with additional needs.

More insensitive than allowing a 6 year old child to go to school the next day with a child who has viciously attacked them?!

Think this may be the kind of response you could expect if you pester the other mother.

Better to focus your efforts on ensuring he has the required support going forwards so that this doesn’t happen again.

You’ve apologised so now I would leave the other mum.

I’d be speaking to the school about what they will have in place to prevent this from happening again. The staff need to be able to read his cues and step in to preempt and prevent anything in future. It’s about keeping your child safe as well as others.

You’ve said sorry.
School has failed both children. You both need answers on how your children’s needs are going to be met to ensure something like that never happens again.

You have obviously had no experience with an autistic child, who by the way is 6 years old.
If you can’t add anything constructive to the discussion, I suggest you bow out and take your vitriol somewhere else.

Does your come take you feel better about yourself?

This, who would you “be furious” with if your son is attacked like this?

Really he shouldn't be in mainstream. It's the wrong setting for children that can't regulate or understand.
Even with a 1:1, it would just mean that staff member gets attacked instead (which I know is preferable to a child, but still not great!)

A friend of mine is a SEN HLTA in a mainstream school and she is regularly bitten punched kicked.

It doesn’t not matter to me why a child has attacked mine, this is not
the fault or the problem of the victimised child. Why can no one see this? Would anyone here work in an office where a co worker attacked them? No of course you would not. It is not acceptable for a child to be put in that situation either. If the school cannot safe guard ALL the children then it is not
the right place for the autistic child. That is not vitriolic for gods sake

Leave her alone. Your child has attacked her child and left marks on his face.

No diagnosis or excuse will make her feel like any happier about what’s happened.

If my child was attacked at school they would be so scared to go back in the same classroom, i wouldnt be surprised if that child isn’t in tomor. A teacher with 30 children in the class can’t be standing over the child that did it in case they are violent again. I’m not sure what the answer is here but i would be seriously considering other schools that specialise in SEN and with the recources to deal with behaviour like this