AIBU to be upset about daughters removal?

[AbFab1231]

I’m genuinely seeking the opinion of people who aren’t emotionally tied to this and am completely open to hearing if I’m in the wrong.
My daughters have been at the same cheer club for four years. I’ve always had what I thought was a good relationship with the head coach/owner, and she has genuinely helped my daughters develop.
Over the past year, training increased significantly, and so did the cost. What had been around £450 per term for both girls rose to around £1,400 per term. The owner acknowledged that this was a big jump and offered most parents monthly payment plans. I was paying just under £450 per month to keep the girls training.

Across four years, I’ve raised three concerns:

1. Progression/communication – One year there were no competitions, and sessions are closed to parents. At the end-of-year showcase, my daughter performed the same routine she’d done the year before. I was confused, as I’d regularly asked how she was doing and had always been told sessions were good. I raised that I would have appreciated clearer communication if she was behind or not progressing as expected.
2. Competition scheduling – At one competition, my daughter’s solo slot (and another child’s) was moved in a way that meant the rest of the team wouldn’t be present to support them. The owner said it would be unfair to expect other families to change travel plans. I understood that. However, she then said that if our girls didn’t support them before they flew back, they wouldn’t be allowed to compete. Myself and the other childs parents felt the expectations weren’t being applied consistently and raised that concern.
3. Uniform reveal filming day – The club announced an exciting uniform reveal/photo day. However, children whose uniforms were still being paid off on instalments couldn’t take part despite it being a 'team event'. I queried this privately, saying I understood the business side but felt it could feel excluding to the majority of children whose parents were on payment plans (which had been offered to parents by the club to support affordability as costs were previously around £400 a term, but gone up to about £1400 just speaking for myself).

Following this, the owner said the club no longer felt like a fit for our family and ended both girls’ memberships. My daughters are devastated - I've been paying this years fees since September for a mix of tumble solo and Cheer team, cheer choreography camp, routine days, etc. Their first competition of this season is in March and she's removed them.

There were no safeguarding concerns, no aggression, no public confrontation – all concerns were raised privately and in writing.

So AIBU for raising these 3 concerns over time? Or does ending the children’s places feel disproportionate in this situation?

I genuinely want perspective.

Honestly, I thought the same. Absolutely blows my mind. Bare in mind they've been working on these routines since Sept/Oct.

5 times a week - but she’s a teen. Her coach is great and highly critical of the overtraining we see at some other gyms. Your little ones really shouldn’t be doing more than 3 or 4 times a week. Also they’d probably benefit from mixing it up a bit. Lots of young gymnasts do eg swimming or athletics.

For team sessions or group tumble the rate we paid at the more expensive club was £5ish per hour.

Private tumble class is £20 per hour but realistically a private is 2-3 athletes for half an hour max it’s too knackering otherwise.

I wouldn’t question your parenting as you can do what you wish. But that is a lot for kids so young to be doing. The 90 minutes is the time they are actually there. There’s then the getting from and to, the hanging about when you are chatting for half an hour to the coach, and the getting ready etc. And that’s every day. Plus weekends travelling to competitions.

My daughter would have been exhausted by the end of term with all that.

I coach a completely different sport but what we were taught when I was doing my coaching qualifications is that a child should not be doing more hours per week than their age in years - and that's all sports that they do totalled, including school sports. It can seem like young children are indestructible and have boundless energy but the physical and mental risks of over training are real, and may not be apparent until much later. It's more than just the risk of acute injury, though that in itself is significant. Even pro atheletes are taught that recovery time is hugely important and growing bodies are more vulnerable. Obviously that's a ball park figure. It will be too much for some children and others will manage a bit more quite safely, but I think it is a good guide. I'd avoid a coach that is demanding significantly more of a child though.

That's really interesting - funny you should say that as they tried athletics yesterday and absolutely loved it so think we'll keep that.

Really appreciate your perspective - thank you x

I appreciate your opinion, each to their own I guess but I disagree as it worked for us and the kids were happy, but totally appreciate it wouldn't work for everyone x

Yeah totally understand this. In terms of hours, I don't think they're doing too much. In totally 10 was training exactly 10 hours a week (some weeks 9 as i alternated her 1:1s and didn't do every week) and 6 was training under 4 hours.

The coaching wasn't really the issue - it's more about using removal of the children who haven't done anything wrong, as a way of not being challenged by parents, even if the challenge is done calmly and respectfully.

The price difference is crazy - Are you in London? I wonder if that makes any difference because it doesn't seem to be too abnormal here.

Manchester which isnt cheap.

Cheer was certainly cheaper than dance!

In some ways it depends how big the squad and each team is. The cost to the club is the same regardless of 4 or 30 kids on the mat.

So the larger teams in effect subsidise the smaller ones.

Private tumble you are covering the cost of paying for the coach. They always encourage athletes to share the session and the cost.

Swimming - only the head coach was paid, the rest were volunteering and a very good standard.

Cycling, its a localclub and British Cycling put into clubs and take them for training, I had to pay years membership for the club and a years membership for the evening session at. local tarmac track - but Manchester track session were free as were Mallory racetrack, If children don't have a bike in the winter for cycle cross ( but like cross country running in a mud bath) - then they can hire one. There were Saturday morning social rides with the adults and Sunday social rides with adults to get miles in when not doing other stuff.

athletics club - again this was a yearly membership

triathlon club was £2 each session and pay for competitions/events

equipement was the biggest cost and track suits were £90 a pop. Which is all very well until they come off on the track and rip through the suit... which she did a couple of times.

One lad riding at the same time has made a career out of cycling and has ridden the last two Tour de France, Vuelta and tour of Italy. So may be cheap but was quality training.

Hmmm, that would seem likely. Which club(s) have some of these other talented kids gone to and are there any vacancies there for new team members? £1400 a term, 5 days a week plus 121s? Jesus wept...

No idea! I think with the industry people can be quite guarded - much like I’m being I guess, probably won’t openly discuss what happened with any other parents outside of those I know very well

I'm not suggesting you grill the other parents or 'discuss anything openly', just asking if there are any other clubs anywhere in your vicinity? Your DDs may know which clubs their friends go to, you've mentioned athletics and other options/ sports, that's what I was asking about, simply is there anywhere else locally that might be more suitable for your DDs... Are you hanging on to this because you want Nasty Coach Woman to back down? I suspect that she'll drive that club into the ground first!

Ah sorry I wasn’t implying you were - just explaining I had no idea lol.

I’ve found two clubs that seem really good locally and have arranged trial days for the girls which they’re excited about. Definitely not waiting for her to back down - wouldn’t feel comfortable in her space now even if she did!

This is actually a super helpful metric and around what my daughter is doing coincidentally (she's 13 though so almost adult sized). I wasn't sure if it had all become a bit much but she's happy and busy so seems it's within normal range.

Have any of the other parents been in contact @AbFab1231 ?

Unfortunately it indicates how much the coach wants you out of the club that she now has to completely redo the choreography

Yeah, I only speak to a couple. They’re in complete shock. It’s very awkward now I guess lol - between me and them I mean not them and the club

Totally. Although a week ago she removed a number of kids from the competition as their parents hadn’t paid comp fees. So I suspect it was actually an ideal time and she probably thought “sod it, I’m redoing the routine ANYWAY”

You’ve been going 4 years and you only speak to a couple? Goodness I remember those endless gym sessions and the only thing that made it tolerable was chewing the fat with the other mums!

and these kids remain at the club?

She must be raking in money to be so relaxed about letting £450 monrh a go

They sound like total chancers. So what they've done isnt surprising. Find a different team for them to join. You could report them to Trading Standards.

It’s giving Dance Moms!!!

I reckon you have been a PITA and the business owner doesn’t have to put up with it so she hasn’t. I bet you are always raising issues with the school and doctors too so you think you can get away with it in all situations. Take an honest look at your own behaviour.