AIBU to be upset about daughters removal?

[AbFab1231]

I’m genuinely seeking the opinion of people who aren’t emotionally tied to this and am completely open to hearing if I’m in the wrong.
My daughters have been at the same cheer club for four years. I’ve always had what I thought was a good relationship with the head coach/owner, and she has genuinely helped my daughters develop.
Over the past year, training increased significantly, and so did the cost. What had been around £450 per term for both girls rose to around £1,400 per term. The owner acknowledged that this was a big jump and offered most parents monthly payment plans. I was paying just under £450 per month to keep the girls training.

Across four years, I’ve raised three concerns:

1. Progression/communication – One year there were no competitions, and sessions are closed to parents. At the end-of-year showcase, my daughter performed the same routine she’d done the year before. I was confused, as I’d regularly asked how she was doing and had always been told sessions were good. I raised that I would have appreciated clearer communication if she was behind or not progressing as expected.
2. Competition scheduling – At one competition, my daughter’s solo slot (and another child’s) was moved in a way that meant the rest of the team wouldn’t be present to support them. The owner said it would be unfair to expect other families to change travel plans. I understood that. However, she then said that if our girls didn’t support them before they flew back, they wouldn’t be allowed to compete. Myself and the other childs parents felt the expectations weren’t being applied consistently and raised that concern.
3. Uniform reveal filming day – The club announced an exciting uniform reveal/photo day. However, children whose uniforms were still being paid off on instalments couldn’t take part despite it being a 'team event'. I queried this privately, saying I understood the business side but felt it could feel excluding to the majority of children whose parents were on payment plans (which had been offered to parents by the club to support affordability as costs were previously around £400 a term, but gone up to about £1400 just speaking for myself).

Following this, the owner said the club no longer felt like a fit for our family and ended both girls’ memberships. My daughters are devastated - I've been paying this years fees since September for a mix of tumble solo and Cheer team, cheer choreography camp, routine days, etc. Their first competition of this season is in March and she's removed them.

There were no safeguarding concerns, no aggression, no public confrontation – all concerns were raised privately and in writing.

So AIBU for raising these 3 concerns over time? Or does ending the children’s places feel disproportionate in this situation?

I genuinely want perspective.

That sounds dreadful. Maybe get the girls excited over the cash you can spend elsewhere!

I think it was fine for what we were getting, the girls were there 5 days a week so it worked out about £115 a week for 8-9 hours

its a lot more than many other sports, I was paying £60 a month for cycling, swimming squad, triathlon and track, plus velodrome - some weeks this was 18 hours. I was lucky on the track bike as a local cycle shop sponsored her and supplied the bike for the track - the biggest outlay was swimming monthly at £30 and that covered 5 sessions of 90 minutes

id take the opportunity to encourage your dds to try other things on offer - as you said the gymnastics but also possibly dance? have a look around for something they can try and never have to go back if they don't like it

They are 6 and 10 - both absolutely obsessed with tumble, we have a 20ft mat out in the garden constantly and they live, eat and breath practicing their skills despite me urging them to give it a rest lol - however, I definitely agree its a chance to reconsider and let them explore some different activities to see if there is something they enjoy more. :)

BUT tumble is gymnastics?

that’s what mine do?

At a high level, in a BG centre.

I don’t know what cheer is. Do you pay a British gymnastics membership?

It sounds like you have been paying way above for gymnastics.

I'll be honest - I'm only just learning about gymnastics now. I actually spoke with a gymnastics club locally and when I explained what skills the girls already had, they did stress that they had a great foundation to move to gymnastics at a good level.

I don't currently pay british gymnastics membership as the club we were at isn't accredited.

It is a lot more than other sports. In the last few days I've been looking and was thinking some of the prices were good for a monthly fee, only to realise it was a termly fee and I was stunned!

£60 for all of that is amazing!

We had a little chat and they're trying their hardest to be positive about moving on to something new - bless them. x

Go for it, at a decent accreditation club.

I would need to look out the exact fees,
but I have two in elite squad at total 80. Month.

club membership.

BG membership.

its more time than money if that makes sense. The girls are talented, so they both attend two hours, three times a week plus competitions.

then costumes etc.

I am aghast at what you have been paying. I really do think that place needs reporting to local authorities and consumer watch dog.

Your club sounds like a money spinner. The fees are insane.

I'm really not enjoying cheerleading being shortened to "cheer". 🤮

Gosh! That's crazy - that makes my £450 a month sound diabolical.

Definitely going to look around

Just in case you’re feeling you were swindled - It honestly doesn’t sound like a ridiculous amount to me (I mean it’s a lot of money of course but for two kids and that much training…)

I just checked and for a 6 week term I paid £350 in dance lessons. Plus she’s in a separate conservatoire that’s £800/year. Plus costumes and uniform and entry fees for competitions and extra dance classes and 1:1s and whatnot. So probably around the same as what you were paying and she has about 10 hours of dance a week on a normal
week. It’s a shocking amount of money for sure, but anything involving competitions is shocking - I know what my friends are paying for their daughter who is a nationally ranked diver and it’s crazy. Another friend has a national team water polo teenager - so much travel and crazy commitments.

Fortunately my son has more affordable interests as we’d never manage two of these! Also my daughter only gets dance lessons for birthdays and Christmas (her choice! She doesn’t have to do this much) so it’s not like she’s doing loads on top of this.

I hope you find something that’s a better fit. Definitely sounds like you’re on the right track!

Thanks for that perspective! Makes a lot of sense x

Sound totally unprofessional. Get away from them and go to best rivals x

AbFab1231
Knowing what you mean
Don't take it out on my kids if you've a problem with me I've had to say to a few mums in my time when they were school age at the school gate
Anyways
Good luck for the future and although it's rotten for your daughters at the moment
They'll soon find themselves another place, and apply their skills there

Exactly. So frustrating x thanks lovely x

She definitely did you and your girls a favour.
The club sounds very much like my daughter's old dance school. We weren't kicked out though; the director was too money hungry for that.

But my daughter now has PTSD, especially re one particular bully teacher. Lots and lots of exclusion was happening, plus all the other crap. She tried to return to dance as a young adult, with me at my wonderful inclusive dance school, but literally has panic attacks as soon as the music starts. It's terribly sad.

I'm genuinely so happy to hear your girls are still young; they can get out before the nastiness escalates (it will), and move on to something that they love and feel like a valued team member.

What? Your older daughter is doing tuition a "few" nights a week, plus three clubs, plus cheer etc sessions 5 days a week plus 1:1 training for solo performances?

I'm sorry, but if that is correct I'm seriously questioning your parenting. When do your children get time to chill out and relax, or just play?

Don't use the time to try new things, use the time just to be with your children, and to let them be children.

You question my parenting because my children who have 5 hours between the end of school and bedtime, spend approximately 90 minutes on additional activities on some days? Tutoring is no different than her sitting and doing 30 minutes of homework - except she gains more. Baring in mind kids are only in school 190 days out of the year mind you.

It’s a bit silly making judgments like that, not knowing us at all because my kids more than get to be kids. The question was about this situation - if you have an opinion on that I’d be happy to hear it.

That’s absolutely horrible to hear how your daughter is still suffering. I don’t think these clubs realise (or care) about the impact they have on children involved when they react this way. .

How well established is the club @AbFab1231 ?

I think between 9-11 years it's been there. Can't quite remember but know we'd been there 4 years and it had been running for at least 5/6 years at that point

So very well established. Likely they are very well connected within the local gymnastics area. When approaching new clubs, I wouldn’t mention you were at this club, as the owner of new club may mention you’re interested to one of the old club’s coaches and…. Well, that’s how rumours spread

Yeah totally get that - thanks

Honestly I wouldn’t worry about this. The new club will know what this woman is like but professional courtesy means no one will say anything - but you won’t be judged for finding a new club. (Ask me how I know)😂

incidentally (hopefully this isn’t outing) my DD competes internationally (gymnastics) and her monthly training fees are £180.

Of course leotards, competition fees and travel are extra. But you have been royally ripped off. Wherever you take your girls next, make sure it’s accredited by an independent body. Higher cost does not equate to higher standards in sports activities - some of the best clubs are the cheapest.

If the next comp is in March and she's just chucked your daughter out, she's an idiot - surely she'll have to redo all her choreography to account for a missing body?

This actually gave me so much relief!

Wowzer - your daughter must be amazing to be competing internationally. How frequently does she train?

Will definitely look for somewhere accredited going forward. Appreciate the advice.