AIBU to be upset about daughters removal?

[AbFab1231]

I’m genuinely seeking the opinion of people who aren’t emotionally tied to this and am completely open to hearing if I’m in the wrong.
My daughters have been at the same cheer club for four years. I’ve always had what I thought was a good relationship with the head coach/owner, and she has genuinely helped my daughters develop.
Over the past year, training increased significantly, and so did the cost. What had been around £450 per term for both girls rose to around £1,400 per term. The owner acknowledged that this was a big jump and offered most parents monthly payment plans. I was paying just under £450 per month to keep the girls training.

Across four years, I’ve raised three concerns:

1. Progression/communication – One year there were no competitions, and sessions are closed to parents. At the end-of-year showcase, my daughter performed the same routine she’d done the year before. I was confused, as I’d regularly asked how she was doing and had always been told sessions were good. I raised that I would have appreciated clearer communication if she was behind or not progressing as expected.
2. Competition scheduling – At one competition, my daughter’s solo slot (and another child’s) was moved in a way that meant the rest of the team wouldn’t be present to support them. The owner said it would be unfair to expect other families to change travel plans. I understood that. However, she then said that if our girls didn’t support them before they flew back, they wouldn’t be allowed to compete. Myself and the other childs parents felt the expectations weren’t being applied consistently and raised that concern.
3. Uniform reveal filming day – The club announced an exciting uniform reveal/photo day. However, children whose uniforms were still being paid off on instalments couldn’t take part despite it being a 'team event'. I queried this privately, saying I understood the business side but felt it could feel excluding to the majority of children whose parents were on payment plans (which had been offered to parents by the club to support affordability as costs were previously around £400 a term, but gone up to about £1400 just speaking for myself).

Following this, the owner said the club no longer felt like a fit for our family and ended both girls’ memberships. My daughters are devastated - I've been paying this years fees since September for a mix of tumble solo and Cheer team, cheer choreography camp, routine days, etc. Their first competition of this season is in March and she's removed them.

There were no safeguarding concerns, no aggression, no public confrontation – all concerns were raised privately and in writing.

So AIBU for raising these 3 concerns over time? Or does ending the children’s places feel disproportionate in this situation?

I genuinely want perspective.

You aren't being unreasonable but they sound awful so maybe you can find a better place?

I'm sorry your daughters are upset but I think it's for the best you leave as that team sounds horrible! Use the money to get your DDs into something else like dance or gymnastics and use the rest of the money to treat the three of you to something.

I think you can safely assume this is the reason other kids just suddenly disappeared from training. Maybe do some digging. You will probably find similar stories.

Unethical behaviour by the club with particular reference to uniform reveal day.
I would consider putting in a formal complaint to relevant body

It's absolutely shocking and I guess boils down to a lack of regulation where they can just decide they don't have to let your child attend anymore - It blows my mind that they consider themselves to be child focused businesses when they are free to act impulsively even if the child is the one who suffers.

Copying off the TV and claiming it's hers is outrageous lool can't make it up can you!

That's extortionate. One of my children did gymnastics for years (22 hours a week, elite squad etc) and was very happy, progressing well, had a few changes of (excellent) coaches through the years but the last one was awful, he'd make other gymnasts cry. It stopped being fun and I didn't want my child in that situation. I communicated my concerns with the leaders and he left. He joined another sport, started from scratch and now as a young adult is doing very well in it, has had amazing supportive coaches who have player wellbeing and continued involvement at the heart of everything. He's made great friends through it, it's been great for his physical and mental health and self worth. It costs us £100 for the whole year because it's volunteer run.

I've worked in dance (not cheer) and competitive dance blows my mind, it's not how professional contemporary and ballet companies and dancers work. The competition element can get really unhealthy and can push future dancers out of something they should be able to love for the rest of their lives.

On their own, your 3 issues can seem a bit niggly but put together it starts to build a picture which leaves a sour taste in the mouth.

It's sad to move on sometimes when its been such a big part of your lives but finding another club where they're happier and you're all treated more fairly will be best in the long run.

This sounds like the Cheer leading equivalent of Dance Mom's! Surely, it's better to find another squad that values your girls.

I looked into this and it's such an unregulated area that I don't think it's even possible to complain to anyone outside of the club itself. Which is annoying

wow 22 hours a week - incredible dedication. Totally agree my issues could probably seem a bit meh as isolated issues, and to me - they still weren't something I was making a HUGE deal out of, just communicating because she doesn't have kids of her own and sometimes I think she forgets that it's children who are impacted by the very adult decisions she makes.

Super sad that it ended this way - it's funny because we were leaving at the end of the term anyway as I felt cheer had no real progression route and wanted to put them into something with a bit more longevity - but would be nicer to have left on better terms.

I think you’re well out of it and it’s great that you can find something new. My daughter has been doing dance at the same school for years (she’s 13) and just joined the comp team this year. It’s a bizarre setup and I actually think the competitions are a form of pyramid scheme. It’s actually been brilliant for her (she’s autistic with selective mutism and this has really helped her socially) but I don’t think this is helping her into a career in dance or anything like that as it’s such a weird insular environment. And so much money. So much.

am sure you’ll find a better fit when you dust yourself off. You and your kids are clearly motivated and they must be hard workers to train that hard so there are other opportunities out there for them.

Bloody awful. I'm assuming it's a popular club with a waiting list hence she can just dictate what she wants and boot out anyone who challenges her because it won't affect cash flow.

My son did gymnastics in his younger years and he was in a long waiting list and then had to audition to get in.
The club was actually very well run and professional but they had high standards about attendance, behaviour and expectations and kids did get booted out much to the indignation of the parents sometimes. Once my son was in year 9 I think he had to attend an extra session on a weekday evening to act as assistant coach in one of the younger groups and that was compulsory in order to stay in the club. (It would have become a modestly paid role after 6 months but covid happened before then and he never went back to club.)

But I agree with you that the coach wasn't just about high standards but some quite unrealistic demands - I think the power went to her head! The victimisation of the payment plan kids was just plain nasty.

Hope your daughters find and enjoy a new club.

This sounds like a ginornous scam

The coaches probably have agreed with her, although I've had no bad experiences with them as all the sessions are closed, you literally drop the kids at the door and pick them up from the door and we always have a laugh and a giggle.

In terms of parents, I have really good relationships with 3 parents and the only other parent I've had any interaction with any other parent is a parent whose child was having a sensory breakdown a few weeks ago and I spent 20 minutes helping the mum calm her down - for which the head coach thanked me implicitly for. So I'd be surprised if any of the parents had anything to say about me as never spoken to or had interactions with any of them outside of the 3 I have good relationships with and who have fully been on my side with this.

Who knows - stranger things have happened I guess!

Sorry not end of term - end of season. Which is in June. There are a number of competitions she has been prepping for between now and then.

Find a club not run by a total arsehole

Yes, that feels like the saddest bit of it. Hope your children find another hobby or sport that they love. I'm sure they will.

Nope. I was planning on gradually introducing Gymnastics once a week, and getting her used to the environment before suggesting we start focusing on that more than the cheer element and then with her fully on board, having been able to prepare mentally and say her goodbyes - move her over. It was also very likely we would have stayed there for tumble, but just not done cheer,

Sad and stressful as this is, it sound like you have dodged a bullet.

We had similar with a gym club many years ago, mounting costs and grumbles about the way or dd was spoken to and no real way to raise concerns. It stopped being fun and was making us all anxious but the gym club insisted on more and more money and commitment, less parental interaction and then a whole new outfit costing ££££.

It took me too long to see the wood for the trees and pull the plug. As a pp said, when others around you are going along with it too it's hard to break free. A bit like a cult.

As it is, we had a break and then dd took up a different sport and it was like night and day in terms of inclusion and fun and also the finances!

Op how old are your girls? 5 days a week plus 1:1 training for one a 3 days a, week for the other and yo u were planning on introducing gymnastics too?

Honestly, unless they're old enough to know they want to do this as a, career, I'd see this as a gift horse to give you all time to reevaluate how you spend your leisure time. How does this fit around school work, family time, seeing friends, going on holiday?

The coaches have spoken about this situation? Yeah I mean I guess that's possible, but I stand by the issues I had being valid issues anyone would raise their eyebrows at... Multiple other parents at the club said they thought it was an unacceptable message - they just obviously didn't raise the issue.

Not yet - think I've just been trying to figure this situation out mentally before rushing into something new.