Is DH being inconsiderate about Valentine’s Day?

[naturesbuds]

I’m feeling a bit thrown today and would love some perspective.
My husband of 17 years asked me this morning, “Have you got anything planned for Valentine’s Day? My sister is inviting us for dinner.”
Now… a few things about this:
His sister is single.
It is Valentine’s Day. Even though we both agree it can feel commercialised, it’s still a day we usually spend together in some way.
Saturdays are normally a family day anyway — we take our son to archery and I was thinking we could make a nice family day of it afterwards.
So I guess what’s bothering me is how casually he asked. It felt like he didn’t stop to consider the day or how it might come across. I’m not expecting roses and candlelight every year, but it would have been nice if he’d thought before saying, “My sister is asking what we’re doing Saturday.”
It just felt a bit inconsiderate and… I don’t know… almost nonchalant about a day we’d normally spend together.
Is it right to feel a bit hurt? Or am I reading too much into this?
Would you say anything to him or just let it go?

I'd just be pleased someone else was cooking.

I understand feeling hurt if Valentine's is something you do together normally. to be honest we don't bother with valentine's i might get a card chocs and flowers but we have never 'done anything' but then that's us and in your situation it wouldn't bother me at all but if you are used to spending it just the 2 of you I would be a bit put out yes.

Did he word it as doing anything on Valentine day or doing something on Saturday? If you don't usually do anything special I can't see the issue with going to dinner at his sister's. I you fancied an evening alone with him surely you could just say you thought it might be nice to have dinner just the two of you when your DS goes to bed unless he is older and likely to be hanging around? What did you say in response?

I don’t think it’s that big of a deal. I thought you were going to say he was wanting to watch the Rugby ‘with the lads’ ! (🤮)

Is Valentine’s Day a thing for you as a couple?

to be honest I think it’s nice you’re spending it with your SIL who is single and could find it a hard day?
this wouldn’t bother me in the slightest but if you’re aggravated then tell your DH

But he did ask you? He didn’t just say that you’re going to his sister. To me, what he said and how you would have liked him to ask doesn’t sound that different.

If you were just spending it as a family it isn’t really going to be a day of hearts and roses anyway.

So he asked - what was your answer? I don't think asking is unreasonable but it depends how he responded.

His sister must be the strongest and bravest of us. I would never ever want to spend a Valentine’s Day with a couple as a single woman! Hats off for her, wow!!

I think you are massively overreacting really.

You say it was going to be a family day anyway, why not include his sister too.

The way he asked also sounded like he’d considered it was Valentine’s Day, as he mentioned it and asked if you had any other plans.

But he asked so if you want to do something for Valentine’s Day say no and plan something.

I’m not sure what you’re trying to read into this. It’s Valentine’s Day and you don’t have any couple plans. You don’t actually want to do anything sexy and couple-y and usually don’t. In fact, you’re taking your DS to his hobby and then were going to have a normal family Saturday with him. But DH’s sister inviting you to dinner and DH checking to make sure you hadn’t planned anything else - which you haven’t - is hurtful?

Either you celebrate V-Day, in which case make some plans of your own; or you don’t, in which case a day with your DC and dinner with DH’s sister is a perfectly normal Saturday.

Who normally makes the plans? It sounds like it might be you, in which case it's reasonable for him to ask. If it's normally him then it's a bit strange but still not that crazy imo? You can still have a family day and then go to your SIL's in the evening. Or just say no, you'd rather have a night in.

Oh and I can’t see a vote but YABU

YABU, and completely over sensitive to be honest. 17 years and you are upset about the ‘way’ he asked. Just say no you don’t want to

Just let it go. He asked what you wanted, that was your opportunity to say you wanted to spend it just together. Valentines obviously means less to him than to you, and he asked about that

It may well have not even registered with his sister what the date was.

I’m with the others who say “great, someone else is cooking”

We usually do something low key like a nice meal at home /takeaway etc. Cards etc, don't do gifts any more.

This year I'm taking DS2 to France while DH stays home. Didn't occur to me to check with him when I booked the dates. He is thoroughly unworried by this.

YABU. I can't see that he's done anything wrong.

Are you for real? Grow up, you aren't a teenager.

Honestly, Valentine’s is a made up nonsense thing. You know it is.

If you want something different then tell him.

I have my in laws coming Saturday for lunch and then the evening I need to take my daughter to and from work. It’s just a day it didn’t bother me in the slightest when my DH said his parents were coming. We have been happily together for nearly 20 years

Yabu , he asked you first . Stop overthinking it and instead realise how lucky you are to have each other especially when his sister is single and possibly would love to be in a relationship.

He did think about it. He asked you! You said you were planning on having a family day anyway, so hardly romantic. I’m not sure the relevance of his sister being single, would if have been better if she had a partner and invited you for dinner?

If you want to do something else just say so.