Is DH being inconsiderate about Valentine’s Day?

[naturesbuds]

I’m feeling a bit thrown today and would love some perspective.
My husband of 17 years asked me this morning, “Have you got anything planned for Valentine’s Day? My sister is inviting us for dinner.”
Now… a few things about this:
His sister is single.
It is Valentine’s Day. Even though we both agree it can feel commercialised, it’s still a day we usually spend together in some way.
Saturdays are normally a family day anyway — we take our son to archery and I was thinking we could make a nice family day of it afterwards.
So I guess what’s bothering me is how casually he asked. It felt like he didn’t stop to consider the day or how it might come across. I’m not expecting roses and candlelight every year, but it would have been nice if he’d thought before saying, “My sister is asking what we’re doing Saturday.”
It just felt a bit inconsiderate and… I don’t know… almost nonchalant about a day we’d normally spend together.
Is it right to feel a bit hurt? Or am I reading too much into this?
Would you say anything to him or just let it go?

Your husband asked you if there were any plans for St Valentine's Day, and if there weren't, you both had been invited to dinner. He didn't TELL you, that's what you were both doing. If you're having a family day, it's not as if you're off to a romantic day/night in a hotel. If you don't want to go to your SIL's, then tell your husband, that you'd rather do something else.

I've been with my husband 20 years next week and married for 17 years. We will probably potter at home during the day, and then we all have hair cuts in the afternoon. I expect it will be a Chinese takeaway Saturday night, shared with our 15 year old!

It's not that deep. It sounds a polite normal text to send. You can reply "I thought we could do this insert whatever but yes, that sounds lovely, shall we go for a date night the weekend after instead?"

This. I mean, you're still spending the evening with your DH, as you usually do on Valentine's Day. You were planning a 'family' day. You're seeing your SIL and your DH, so still a 'family day.'

I have no idea what the significance of your SIL being single is.

If you'd made alternative plans he'd forgotten, sure, but you hadn't. So what exactly is the issue?

Get a big box of nice chocolates, a bottle of wine and go and enjoy your SILs hospitality.
You're definitely over thinking this. 💝

Agree. Unless she doesn't like the SIL, in which case the invitation can be declined.

Poor bloke

YABU

Why would his sister invite you for Valentine's day if she is single? I could understand as two couples if she had a boyfriend or partner. I would say another day for dinner with SIL and have a nice family day and a nice dinner at home where you can just relax and enjoy each others company, with your DC as well.

It doesn't sound like you had any plans so what's the issue?

You can hardly have a romantic dinner with a single sister watching on. 'Do you remember that day under the stars when we first....', More gravy anyone?

But the OP makes no mention of wanting a 'romantic dinner'. She mentions planning a 'nice family day' after their child's archery session. That's entirely compatible with having dinner with her DH and SIL (and possibly their son).

He just asked. It’s an invitation.

You are presuming ‘family day’ but really is it for ‘family’ rather than couples? In which case is she not family?

If you do cards, little pressies, breakfast, it seems very precious to have taken affront at this.

It wouldn't bother me at all.

Not a big deal.
Do something nice on Sunday.

Yes, I would agree without hesitation for this reason and for the social aspect.

He did think though, he thought my sister has invited us to dinner but I will ask OP first before making plans.
You had ideas of what to do but hadn't, by the sounds of it, communicated them to him yet. So he was just first in with a suggestion.

If you do actually want some valentines fuss instead of pretending to be casual about it then you need to speak up.
As for the Saturday is family day aspect, isn't dinner in the evening so could you do both? And your SIL is family? Or is it that your son isn't invited?

are you a teen?

No, I'm in my forties. What is 'teen' like about Valentine's Day being a holiday which focuses on couples?

I wouldn’t give a shit. My husband and I don’t even swap cards far less anything else. Valentine’s Day is a lot of shite

This

I think Valentine's is for people in the early days of a relationship. After that it's another day really. Sounds like you are trying to find a problem where there isn't one. Do you not like sister in law?

It is not by any means a ‘holiday’. You must be a teen.

Valentine’s Day is about sending an anonymous card to someone you secretly fancy. Or receiving one bWhy on earth would a married couple have a thing about Valentine’s Day.

But you will be together if you go to your SiL. And you were happy for it to be a family day…I really don’t get why you’re upset tbh.

meh, you'll get a meal cooked for you. I'm not a big Valentine dayer though tbh so it wouldn't bother me at all