Is DH being inconsiderate about Valentine’s Day?

[naturesbuds]

I’m feeling a bit thrown today and would love some perspective.
My husband of 17 years asked me this morning, “Have you got anything planned for Valentine’s Day? My sister is inviting us for dinner.”
Now… a few things about this:
His sister is single.
It is Valentine’s Day. Even though we both agree it can feel commercialised, it’s still a day we usually spend together in some way.
Saturdays are normally a family day anyway — we take our son to archery and I was thinking we could make a nice family day of it afterwards.
So I guess what’s bothering me is how casually he asked. It felt like he didn’t stop to consider the day or how it might come across. I’m not expecting roses and candlelight every year, but it would have been nice if he’d thought before saying, “My sister is asking what we’re doing Saturday.”
It just felt a bit inconsiderate and… I don’t know… almost nonchalant about a day we’d normally spend together.
Is it right to feel a bit hurt? Or am I reading too much into this?
Would you say anything to him or just let it go?

If you would normally do something for Valentine’s Day as a couple and have already got a romantic evening for two planned then it is inconsiderate.

Would you normally have dinner with SIL on a Saturday night or is this a case of SIL doesn’t want to spend Valentine’s Day alone? Does she not have any single/non celebrating friends she can spend the evening with?

If you want to spend the evening with your husband, say so and ask if you can do Friday or Sunday or the following Saturday instead. It’s not the end of the world if SIL has to spend Valentine’s Day by herself, many people will.

I’m really not seeing the problem here.

I think DH is being considerate… It’s not like he said that he has accepted SIL’s invitation. He wanted to check with you first to make sure you didn’t have anything already in mind.

It’s dinner: it’s not like it’s the whole day. If you want to do something romantic with DH, or a family thing with DH and DC, then you have the rest of the day.

This wouldn't fly with me at all, but for me Valentine's is a couples day completely, so my circumstances are a bit different from yours. Could the two of you go out Friday evening?

Do people who are married with children really celebrate Valentine’s Day. And Mother’s Day, Anniversaries, Birthdays, Easter, Christmas….? Where does it end?

I think Valantines Day can be hard for a single person who maybe sad they haven't met their person yet. When I was single I'd have loved people to have spent it with rather than being alone. OP your attitude does remind me of some smug couples I've met in the past who thought I wasn't worth being with them because I was single.

You sound quite hard work. You're upset because he asked "casually"? It's just a day and if you decide every Saturday is family day you're going to miss out on lots of invitations, friends and social stuff.

Well even though we’ve got the house to ourselves, our friends are coming round for a piss up so 🤷🏼‍♀️ We do however do PLENTY as a couple so its just another day for us although we will do cards.

Could you do Valentines Day on Saturday instead of Sunday? It’s just a day.

Neither can I.

Isn’t Valentine’s Day for teenagers?

Perhaps DH is equally disappointed that when he asked “have you got anything planned for Valentine’s Day? My sister is inviting us to dinner” you didn’t respond “yes, I made plans, I’ve booked a babysitter and arranged for us to have a nice evening together at the theatre followed by a restaurant” and instead said “just the usual Saturday of taking our son to archery.” You can’t be offended at him apparently asking casually about plans when you don’t appear to have been any less casual in your approach to making any.

It sounds fine to me but perhaps there is some history that makes you feel hurt. Possibly his sister is feeling a bit miserable about being single and wants company?

He asked you, you said yes you.said you don't make a big deal if valentines day and now you are simmering and making it a big deal, go to your Sil have a nice dinner it might be fun.
Next year organise something and speak to your husband !

What have you planned for valentines day?

You are definitely over reacting. Valentine’s Day is a commercial money making plot.

YABU. Your husband asked if you had any plans. You haven’t. If you were that concerned you could have arranged something.
I know everyone’s different but it’s a bit like Mothers Day etc, you should show your appreciation all year round and not just one day.

I don't even slightly understand what you think he's done wrong.

I really think you’re looking incredibly hard to be offended here. I can’t see that he’s done anything wrong whatsoever

I don’t really understand your position here. You have been invited to something and he is checking with if it’s ok or if you will instead do something for Valentine’s Day just the two of you.

Yabu - if you were planning to surprise him with something romantic and that’s a something he might anticipate as part of your marriage then yes it’s a little “off” to potentially rumble your surprise by suggesting dinner with his sister!

But sounds like that’s not the kind of thing you do, and a “family day” doesn’t shout romance.

I asked dh last weekend to check if he wanted to do anything for Valentine’s Day - he said no as always but I imagine he’ll get a cards and flowers and I’ll cook steak for dinner - that’s our habit!

If you’d prefer not to see his sister just say so and suggest seeing her on Sunday.

I knew the thread would fill with people who don't like valentine's day. So typical of Mumsnet.

If valentine's day is special to you and you want to do something with him and your family and not SIL then tell him that.

I don't think you're unreasonable for wanting to spend valentine's together. But you are a little for not just telling him that.

I don’t understand the problem? He asked you if you had any other plans? He then stated a fact that you had been invited? He didn’t state any preference about going? Why didn’t you just say that you’d rather have a day just you if you wanted to? You are being over sensitive.

I'm married and only realised valentine's day was coming up because of this thread 😳😂

Honestly? I’d go round to his sister’s with a good grace. Take a bottle of wine.

BUT arrange a dinner in a restaurant / theatre visit / whatever you like for another evening. Realistically all the restaurants will be full on Saturday - you’ll have a better time another day.

Were having a belated Christmas dinner with my family on valentine's day. Neither I nor my wife wanted to do it that day but all my family did. So we're just having valentine's earlier/ the next day. I think you're being unreasonable given you don't really celebrate it properly and he asked but didn't tell