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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is DH being inconsiderate about Valentine’s Day?

227 replies

naturesbuds · 11/02/2026 08:34

I’m feeling a bit thrown today and would love some perspective.
My husband of 17 years asked me this morning, “Have you got anything planned for Valentine’s Day? My sister is inviting us for dinner.”
Now… a few things about this:
His sister is single.
It is Valentine’s Day. Even though we both agree it can feel commercialised, it’s still a day we usually spend together in some way.
Saturdays are normally a family day anyway — we take our son to archery and I was thinking we could make a nice family day of it afterwards.
So I guess what’s bothering me is how casually he asked. It felt like he didn’t stop to consider the day or how it might come across. I’m not expecting roses and candlelight every year, but it would have been nice if he’d thought before saying, “My sister is asking what we’re doing Saturday.”
It just felt a bit inconsiderate and… I don’t know… almost nonchalant about a day we’d normally spend together.
Is it right to feel a bit hurt? Or am I reading too much into this?
Would you say anything to him or just let it go?

OP posts:
Frenchfrychic · 16/02/2026 14:36

I’m always surprised by long term married couples who simply canr clearly communicate with each other and need to seek advise.

for me it’s, let’s make a day of it it is valentines,
hmmm, no fancy doing something romantic just us, so decline sister,
sure, I’m not bothered or we could do something for valentines.

if something so basic is a struggle there surely is much bigger issues at play.

Nantescalling · 16/02/2026 17:45

naturesbuds · 11/02/2026 21:13

Thanks for resposnding, For me it wasn’t the idea of spending the day with his sister — it was the way it came up. We do usually spend the day together as a family in our own little routine, so when he asked about his sister’s invite without seeming to consider that at all, it just felt a bit thoughtless. Not a huge drama, just one of those moments where you realise you were on slightly different wavelengths which to be fair doesn't happen very often thankfully

Was it spending the day or just going for dinner?

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