Is DH being inconsiderate about Valentine’s Day?

[naturesbuds]

I’m feeling a bit thrown today and would love some perspective.
My husband of 17 years asked me this morning, “Have you got anything planned for Valentine’s Day? My sister is inviting us for dinner.”
Now… a few things about this:
His sister is single.
It is Valentine’s Day. Even though we both agree it can feel commercialised, it’s still a day we usually spend together in some way.
Saturdays are normally a family day anyway — we take our son to archery and I was thinking we could make a nice family day of it afterwards.
So I guess what’s bothering me is how casually he asked. It felt like he didn’t stop to consider the day or how it might come across. I’m not expecting roses and candlelight every year, but it would have been nice if he’d thought before saying, “My sister is asking what we’re doing Saturday.”
It just felt a bit inconsiderate and… I don’t know… almost nonchalant about a day we’d normally spend together.
Is it right to feel a bit hurt? Or am I reading too much into this?
Would you say anything to him or just let it go?

Perhaps chill out about it. It's his day too. Why can't you enjoy the day as a family with his sister too? It's one day.

I don't understand couples who lose their sh*t on one day of the year. I agree, it's over commercialised yet you still want to take part in the madness and not keep things real.

Dh is going away over Valentine’s. Neither of us clocked this until last week. It’s one day op. We don’t need a special day to remind us we love each other; we’ve been together for 23 years so something is going okay I think!

I couldn’t get excited about it. If you don’t want to go to the dinner with the sister say you want to make family plans but if you’re not bothered then let the sister cook?

Who does sister think she is!!! Intruding on a precious family day? And Valentine’s Day at that! She needs to learn to stay in her own lane. Does she not have any single friends she could do something with?? @naturesbuds

This is satire, right?

Did you get chatGPT to write this? My advice would be to talk to your husband rather than posting on the internet about it. We can’t know what his motives were.

I've read the OP 3 times now and still failing to see what the issue is.

You always spend Saturdays together as a family, V day is a Saturday anyway this year, SIL is your family (just an additional member) who has invited you round in the evening. So you could still take your son to archery, spend the day together and then go and spend some time with SIL in the evening?

I don't understand what I'm missing or how this could in any way be construed as your husband receiving an invite and asking if you fancy it?

So I guess what’s bothering me is how casually he asked. It just felt a bit inconsiderate and… I don’t know… almost nonchalant about a day we’d normally spend together.

How is asking someone if they want to go to their sisters for dinner anything BUT casual?! 😂

Ditto.

And that's fine, for you. OP has said she likes to spend the day with her DH, and that's fine too. It doesn't matter what you and DH need.

I really think Valentine’s Day should go back to being for people who fancy each other and want to get together, or perhaps also those newly in relationships, rather than having been extended to established couples.

Seems nonsensical to me.

Agreed - it's all nonsense. It's only made into a big thing because some people can make a profit out of it. I prefer to ignore those sorts of things.

Surely this has to be meant as ironic?

Meh. The whole Valentines thing has passed me and DH by ever since we got together - 36 years ago. Just don't ever bother. The only people to whom Valentines day really matters, in my, probably not very popular, opinion, are the shops and restaurants that rely on it to drum up trade in an otherwise miserable time of year. I'm spending mine going to watch rugby with the girls.

As an aside, when they work in London, DS and BIL used to regularly go to the pubs on Feb 13 to spot all the people clearing having affairs and doing Valentines the day before. She always said it was so obvious. They used to refer to is as 'play-away night'

Thanks for reply as did not want to answer with an emotional response said will let DH know and then decided as planned an activity evening

Thanks everyone, this has been really helpful

Get her to baby sit seeing as she’s free 😂

It wouldn't bother me as long as together

I mean… it’s only a day. I understand where he’s coming from. You’re married! It’s not like you haven’t done it a dozen+ times.

Personally id be thrilled his sister was cooking. Dont think myself and dh have spent a valentines together much in 20 odd years
Now wedding anniversary and you might have a point

He did ask you, so I don't think he was inconsiderate. I wonder if you're a bit annoyed because you wanted him to say no to his sister, because he was organizing something to celebrate Valentine's Day with you, rather than contemplating it as an option to see his sister.

But he did ask and you would be spending it together

For us, absolutely no issue whatsoever. Family day is usually a Sunday, but then if plans come up that changes and doesn't bother either of us. We don't celebrate valentines so it's just another day here.

If you celebrated it every single year then it'd be a bit weird, but that's not really what you've described, so it doesn't sound like a big deal to me.

I’m in my 60’s and we will be celebrating the day…is there a cut off point?

Married 34 years, we don’t need a special day either, we still celebrate it though

You're reading far too much into it. It sounds like normally you just spend it with family anyway so what difference does it make spending it with his Sister who, presumably will be doing the cooking? It'd be different if you went all out every year & did romantic stuff just you & DH or you had arranged something nice for the two of you but lunch with his Single Sister, as a family sounds nice.