Is DH being inconsiderate about Valentine’s Day?

[naturesbuds]

I’m feeling a bit thrown today and would love some perspective.
My husband of 17 years asked me this morning, “Have you got anything planned for Valentine’s Day? My sister is inviting us for dinner.”
Now… a few things about this:
His sister is single.
It is Valentine’s Day. Even though we both agree it can feel commercialised, it’s still a day we usually spend together in some way.
Saturdays are normally a family day anyway — we take our son to archery and I was thinking we could make a nice family day of it afterwards.
So I guess what’s bothering me is how casually he asked. It felt like he didn’t stop to consider the day or how it might come across. I’m not expecting roses and candlelight every year, but it would have been nice if he’d thought before saying, “My sister is asking what we’re doing Saturday.”
It just felt a bit inconsiderate and… I don’t know… almost nonchalant about a day we’d normally spend together.
Is it right to feel a bit hurt? Or am I reading too much into this?
Would you say anything to him or just let it go?

Yes! But we love celebrating it just the same! ❤️

Why on earth can’t we just enjoy it for what is? We’ve been married for 34 years, we’ll be celebrating! Cards have been bought, table will be set, candles will be lit….

He has asked you though? You clearly care more about it than you let on.

Yes, it is. Particularly as it falls on a Saturday this year!

Im afraid all things considered you are being unreasonable on this one.

It’s a special day in our house, silly and commercialised but we still make a fuss of each other and enjoy embarrassing our teen dc. When they were younger it was a family day with cards and chocolate hearts for everyone. I’d be miffed if dh casually discarded it. But did he realise Saturday was Valentines when he asked?

I have a head that just doesn’t carry dates, and I have to rely heavily on calendar reminders and alerts. If I were asking dh about plans for Saturday, he’d say “you mean valentines?” , or “you know that’s Valentine’s Day?” because there’d be a good chance I hadn’t made that connection. But he wouldn’t read nefarious motives into my absent mindedness.

But he asked you what you thought so you can answer yes/no/maybe/what do you fancy doing?

We’ve been married a long time so often spend it with friends/family so doesn’t sound like a big deal.

He casually asked you about plans and mentioned his sister invited you all for dinner…. Yabvu. You said yourself you’d have the kids with you so it’s not like he’s cancelling big romantic plans is it.

I don’t think he’s demanded you go, just asked if you want to so tell him you don’t. It isn’t a summons.

You sound more pissed off that a single woman would have the temerity to think a couple would want to spend time with her on Valentine’s Day than anything else, op.
You had no other plans 🤷🏻‍♀️

You’re the reason Hallmark still makes millions 😂

My Valentine's Day this year (and indeed my wedding anniversary which is the day before) will be spent clearing out my kitchen in prep for it getting ripped out. A nice meal with company sounds lovely in comparison.

I feel I’ve found my tribe on this thread. Loving all the fellow V Day cynics!

Been together 45x years, and NEVER celebrate Valentines on the actual day! Like all of our family birthdays, mothers day, fathers day etc, it's a 'movable feast'. We'll do something the day before, the weekend after, it's up to US to choose. *I couldn't stand being surrounded by loved up couples looking googly-eyed at each other ... we'd probably have an argument!

It’s commercialised claptrap. Been out once on Valentine’s Day in 30 years of marriage and it was the most uncomfortable contrived evening ever. My anniversary means more to me than Valentines ever will. My dh works with people whose partners go berserk if they don’t get cards/flowers/chocolates etc, they don’t understand me and think he gets off lightly. 🤣. Each to their own.

Your reading far too much into it. He asked, you can say no but it's hard for some people to be alone on that day. Think of others.

He asked if you had plans. You don't. You can decide to go or not go.

Let it go.

I can understand that it might have hurt your feelings that he hasn't particularly planned anything or wanted to spend the day with just you. If my dh asked this question I'd have said, 'no thanks' and just told him what I actually wanted to do. It doesn't have to be a big deal just tell him that you don't fancy it and would rather do something together.

We've been informed out dd15s friends are coming over for a Galentines baking session and dinner. They did it last year as well.

We don't really mind the girls are good company, we've spent plenty time together over the years. It's just another day.

He asked if you had anything planned. Have you?

He asked you if you had any plans... you don't, I honestly can't see the drama? Unless it's your wedding anniversairy or something and he's fogotten? You've been invited out for dinner, someone else offering to cook, you have your child with you and no plans anyway (I imagine the kids archery isn't at 6pm on a Saturday), I don't understand where you are coming from here? Poor bloke having to stop, consider and mind read for 17 years, he must be exhausted.

My response would be "great, what time does she want us?"

Our 13 year old son's friends are apparently coming over to make pizza and then go out to a disco (for 13 and 14 year olds) in a cloud of Lynx Africa and nerves.

The last time DH and I went out for dinner on Valentine's night, it was unbearable. You could feel the pressure of Romantic Expectations beating off the other tables, and the waiter said the kitchen had twice refused to put an engagement ring in a dessert because the year before someone broke a tooth and threatened to sue.

Isn't Valentine's Day commercial wankery for new couples? You can spend the day as a family and let his sister cook. Sounds perfect.

This

sounds fine to me but we don’t celebrate it beyond maybe a card and flowers. We’ve always just had dinner at home with the dc and this year would be no exception except dh and ds are going to be a few hundred miles away watching out local team play an ‘important match’ and staying at a premier inn overnight 😂
dc1 is out with her boyfriend and dc2 is at uni so I’ll be home alone which means one thing and one thing only - fire, something on telly and a takeaway of my choosing! I literally couldn’t be more excited!
You’ve asked for perspective so here is some: you’ve said it’s a family day anyway, she’s family, go to hers for dinner and enjoy the family company.
You acknowledged it’s not a big deal for either of you.