To ask, think before you judge who is using the disabled loo!

[Highlandcooo]

I often use the disabled toilet, as even though I have a newborn baby and a toddler and I’m in my thirties I also have a stoma which requires more space and access to a sink within a toilet cubicle.

I am so sick of being judged when I’m out for using the disabled toilet! Only today when I was coming out of the toilet with my pram two people made comments about mothers using the disabled toilets and not ‘waiting their turn’. I ignored them but this happens a lot and I’m getting tempted to show them my stoma bag next time! I have a radar key which was legitimately sent to me with my stoma supplies but people presume I’ve bought it so I can use the toilet with the pram.

AIBU to ask you to think first, if you ever judge people for using an accessible toilet?

Sorry you have to deal with that.

my ds is a wheelchair user so uses a disabled loo but we’d never judge someone because not all disabilities are visible.

I honestly don't think it's BU to use a disabled toilet with a newborn, a toddler and a pram anyway. People are idiots.

I would have done this to shut them up.

That's annoying. I guess you could just come back with something like 'you do realise that some disabled people are also parents?'

That should shut them up.

Absolutely!

The age old "not all disabilities are visible" that no-one takes a bit of notice of! Sorry you had to put up with this.

I’m disabled myself (wheelchair user) but I hate the way women judge other women. I wouldn’t blink if someone who ‘looked’ able bodied needed to use the disabled loo. Frankly even if they weren’t technically disabled, I don’t know if they’ve had a bout of diarrhoea or a sudden flooding period. I’m not the arse police.

Other posters are far kinder than I am because I'd quite happily tell them to fuck off (and have done in that situation). I can't stand judgemental twats who think they're custodians of public facilities.

Sorry you have to deal with small minded people.

But even if you didn’t have a disability, I wouldn’t judge a mum with a newborn and a toddler for using the disabled loo. You can’t take a pram in a cubicle and trying to have a wee holding a baby while stopping the toddler unlocking the door whilst you’ve still got your pants round your ankles is one of the deepest depths of hell.

I’d have to say something - ‘would you like me to show you the reason for my disability’? Accompanied by a hard stare.

This! Accessible toilets are for people who can’t access the regular toilets. With a pram and a toddler a regular cubicle is impossible.

I think this is perfect if any of you in that situation feel comfortable using it, because it is really ableist to assume that if someone has young children that they couldn't be disabled as well.

I would absolutely shame them - loudly. Would you like to see my stoma bag?

My daughter has a stoma,and the looks and comments she gets when she uses a disabled toilet is shocking , I've had many arguments, and told people do one over it. people shouldn't judge, as you never know what disabilities people are dealing with.

But emptying a stoma bag is just like opening bowels, poo goes in the toilet you fasten stoma bag, fasten clothes and then go and wash your hands at the sink.
Obviously with a baby and a toddler you would need to use a parent change facility which are often accessible toilets too.

I use the accessible loos I have a bladder condition and I’m more comfortable using disabled toilet as it’s a closed room and not an open cubical.

There are many reasons why someone with a stoma would need to use the disabled loo, it's certainly not 'just like opening bowels'. If only life were that straightforward for people who lived with stomas!

i turn it round on them.

it was my ex who had a prosthetic leg that showed me i could!

he was parked legitimately in a disabled bay and someone tutted and he just lifted his trouser leg and said dont tut if you don’t know the person is At It as they could have a hidden disability like my prosthetic leg.
the person apologised.

so now i do something similar but i do it nicer than him ie if i were you i’d be all “thank you for caring about disabled toilet access ladies however i do have a medical condition that enables me to legitimately access disabled facilities, a stoma bag, so by all means pull up people who are At It but remember that not everyome is and some like me have a hidden disability”

Do you have a stoma?

Yeah agreed, people need to fuck off with this. I'll be using a radar key for the next few days as I've had a medical procedure that means I need to wash every time I use the loo. I'm not disabled but have a medical need. Some people just love to judge others, it's pathetic really.

Tell them next time op! They deserve to feel embarrassed for their judgement.

@LizzieLemons you are so very very wrong in your assessment of the requirements for someone emptying a stoma bag. Not least the need to be able to wash your hands in situ (ie not having to go out to the sinks) to avoid the risk of really serious infection. But also the need to have a basin and running water close to hand. Your ignorance is very upsetting.

Show them your stoma bag next time. Or maybe a spare one if youre not confident about showing them your actual bag.

I've found that often frank and brutal honesty is the best way to deal with tutting people. That way they can feel the shame then.

I really hope @LizzieLemons will learn something from this thread.

Thank god for you to tell us all how easy it is to change a stoma bag in a tight small cubicle. Do you think people might not need a bit of extra space to do that? Do you think people might want to wash there hands after removing a stoma bag and putting a fresh one on, or should they nip out the normal toilet half way through wash their hands then go back in the toilet to finish?