To ask, think before you judge who is using the disabled loo!

[Highlandcooo]

I often use the disabled toilet, as even though I have a newborn baby and a toddler and I’m in my thirties I also have a stoma which requires more space and access to a sink within a toilet cubicle.

I am so sick of being judged when I’m out for using the disabled toilet! Only today when I was coming out of the toilet with my pram two people made comments about mothers using the disabled toilets and not ‘waiting their turn’. I ignored them but this happens a lot and I’m getting tempted to show them my stoma bag next time! I have a radar key which was legitimately sent to me with my stoma supplies but people presume I’ve bought it so I can use the toilet with the pram.

AIBU to ask you to think first, if you ever judge people for using an accessible toilet?

That's why toilets are checked by professionals? How many members of the public do you think would pay attention to a locked cubicle door and think 'that hasnt been opened while I've been in here, I know I think someone could be in trouble I 'd better call someone for a welfare check'. The reason toilets were designed in blocks in the past was due to cost and the limitations of plumbing, nothing more.

They're statistically safer because they reduce the space for anti social behaviour, or at least, anti social behaviour that would affect other people, by virtue of them not having to share the space. Also I don't know the reason for this, but they're far less prone to vandalism apparently.

A toddler and a newborn. What is more physically disabling than that? How could someone go to the bathroom without using the disabled toilets in that situation?

So youre stood there... dying for a shit. Youre about to shit your pants.

The disabled loo is free. All other cubicles are taken and theres a que.

Are you telling me you'd stand there and shit your pants just on the off chance a disabled person might come along in the 3 minutes im having my poo... and need the toilet at the same time.

Its a simple yes or no. Would you poo yourself?

No it isn’t. And just to point out, there are other reasons why folk have stoma bags. I had a bile leak after surgery and had to wear a surgical drain for almost three months. Thankfully temporary but the leak had to be contained in a stoma bag. Bile is vile. If it got on my skin, it burnt it. It smelt so badly, like rotten eggs. And it regularly burst/leaked. I got caught out so many times. I could often smell it before I could feel or see the leak.
I needed privacy and a bit of space if I ever dared to venture out. It was really sore where the wound was and it wasn’t straightforward to remove. I would sometimes need a spray in the area to remove the adhesive first. And I needed to prep the skin in the surrounding area. It needed to be spotlessly clean and dry or the bag wouldn’t stick.
you need to have clean hands and access to a sink. You need to have room to change your underwear and often clothes as well. This was a common occurrence.
I had to measure the fluid volumes so also needed to have a measuring cup with me.
with the change of clothes etc I would obviously need to carry a big bag about. None of the above is possible in a small cubicle. There needed to be room. It’s a wonder I ever went out.
the one time I was challenged and just pulled my top up and my trousers down slightly and showed them the bag. I was so angry.

You shouldn't have to defend yourself here. I'm sorry you have been treated so poorly. Just want you to know it wouldn't cross my mind to judge you or anyone. We never know what's going on people fully. Xxx

I'm honestly baffled by your question. Do you not go to the toilet when you need to? I've never been concerned that I'm at risk of shitting myself in public. If that's happening to you, maybe you should see a doctor.

My wonderfully sharp tongued late colleague (early 30's) whipped her wig off and said 'is terminal cancer disabled enough for you?'

If you're confident enough, I would get your stoma out, then cover the kids ears and tell the judgemental folk to f*off.

I have IBD, thanks... so shitting myself is a real possibility. I almost had a stoma just like OP.

I dont know whats so baffling to awnser though - IF you were to be in that situation WWYD?

I think you just want to stay looking so righteous.

I had a stoma for a year and if someone made a smart comment about me using the disabled loo I would have definitely shown them my stoma bag.

I may be in the minority, but I have never come across a baby change facility that has a loo in it too! Maybe that's just where I live?

So you've got a chronic medical condition, so why would you not use a disabled loo? What's the argument here?

I don't have a medical condition, and I'm not sure why you doubt this, but I've never been so in need of a toilet in public that I've ever needed to use a disabled toilet over a regular one. I might experience a bit of discomfort if I've been waiting a while and one isn't immediately free, but I've never been worried about shitting myself in public. I don't think that's unusual for someone without a medical condition.

Then I'd say a disabled toilet is exactly what you need as you have a medical condition.

I use the disabled toilet when I’m out with pram on my own, and I don’t have a disability. I once tried the alternative - going to the ladies and leaving the door open so that I could have an eye on my baby in the pram - and it was bloody humiliating. I’ve decided I rather take the judgement.

Similar vibes here I have a neurological condition so need the grab rails / aids in a ♿️ 🚽 if out with DD I use her pram as my walking aid instead of my crutch. Hate the eye rolls I get if someone waiting - again use my radar key

even worse I have a ♿️ badge and if there aren’t any parent & child I legitimately use a ♿️ space - now THAT get them clutching their pearls in horror as they see me get the pram out the boot and load DD into it

so judgey it’s cringeworthy!!

Me too. I would have said “fuck off. You have no idea what is going on underneath someone’s clothes” and then given them a Paddington Bear withering hard stare.

I understand. I have colitis, I have a radar key sent by the colitis uk charity. I only use itif I am having a flare, but like you get looks

its the same with disabled blue badges, it annoys me that people don’t understand about invisible disability

This is a very ignorant comment from someone who has clearly never had a stoma.

Do you have a stoma? Have you ever got shit on your hands when emptying.? Have you needed more space than a normal cubicle provides to ensure your output ends in the toilet? Has your output accidentally sprayed elsewhere and you've needed sink and space to clear up for the next occupant? Have you needed to change your bag in a toilet and deal with leaking? If not, fuck off.

They often don't have toilets.

Happens all too often. Noone can see Crohns.

I had a great exp. the other night though, had to get off the tube cos desperately needed the loo. Stopped at station with loos but they were shut as in repair. Guy in ticket office was just finishing his shift but he opened the loos for me and waited. What a lovely chap. Dread to think if I'd been 5mins later though....

People can be amazingly mean. I got a packed train with a broken leg. Due to my slowness, I was last on the train. I asked the people sitting in the priority seats to let me sit down and they just “no I got here first”. I said “But I’ve got a broken leg.” ….. I was ignored. Now I have an invisible disability and I have a card that instructs people to give up their priority seat for me. Not surprisingly, they won’t.

I'm profoundly deaf in one ear and have substantial hearing loss in my 'good' ear. Sometimes if I hear someone it takes me longer to process what I have heard.
A woman at work (I don't know her) made a comment about me 'not listening' while standing behind me when I was struggling with a security door and misunderstood what to do.
It was only after I left the building that I realised she'd made a dig at me and it was too late to turn round and say anything! People are enormously ignorant about invisible disability.

Yes but the building regs approved documents have minimum standards for accessible toilets or ambulant disabled toilets etc. So there could be additional requirements for pram toilets. I think that it's a great thing to push for.

I think anyone ‘judging’ anyone else over using a toilet needs to get a life.

Honestly, people will moan and judge about anything. I don’t understand it. Unless there is only one toilet in the vicinity and someone is in desperate need before you, I don’t see the issue with anyone using any toilet they like, even if they’re not disabled!

Who invited the arse police? 🙄