To ask, think before you judge who is using the disabled loo!

[Highlandcooo]

I often use the disabled toilet, as even though I have a newborn baby and a toddler and I’m in my thirties I also have a stoma which requires more space and access to a sink within a toilet cubicle.

I am so sick of being judged when I’m out for using the disabled toilet! Only today when I was coming out of the toilet with my pram two people made comments about mothers using the disabled toilets and not ‘waiting their turn’. I ignored them but this happens a lot and I’m getting tempted to show them my stoma bag next time! I have a radar key which was legitimately sent to me with my stoma supplies but people presume I’ve bought it so I can use the toilet with the pram.

AIBU to ask you to think first, if you ever judge people for using an accessible toilet?

I use the disabled if the mother and baby is taken up. Purely because of the space, I can't fit them both in the normal tiny cubicles, I would have to leave them outside the cubicle door, which I wouldn't do.
And I don't give a shit if anyone disapproves when I come outside.

Same. My local shopping centre doesn’t even have a loo in the baby change so the accessible/changing places toilets are the only option for parents with babies and toddlers to use the toilet. Unless I’m willing to leave a 5 month old baby unattended outside a public loo whilst I take my toddler into a cubicle- which, oddly, I’m not willing to do- then it’s use the disabled toilet or piss myself. A very real possibility at the best of times with my pelvic floors. I’ll make no excuses or apologies either.

Using the disabled loo because 'no one was using it' is the pits though.

Yeah I don't think "because no one is using it" is an appropriate reason if you're fully able bodied and fully able to use a normal toilet. It's like saying "no one is using this disabled parking space so I'll park here".

Exactly. A PP said that though.

Stop stoma-splaining to people who have stomas. You clearly know nothing about stomas and I am so glad you don’t work for the nhs any more.

It's infuriating and it was my son who had a stoma and only for 9 months. I can't imagine how it feels for those who actually have stomas, some for many years.

I was responding to a pp who said 'just clip on another?!' Seemingly unaware that if you don't have an emptying appliance you do indeed unclip a full bag and clip on a new one so maybe some stomasplaining is needed.

Anyone with added problems or disabilities will of course need to use accessible facilities, fit people without other problems not necessarily.

Facilities for those with significant problems really are few and far between we should leave them for those most in need.

Has no one ever told you that when you're in a hole, stop digging? You're just more ill-informed with every comment. How can I put this tactfully. Shut up!

You don't have a stoma and were telling some people with stomas how simple and easy it is and that they don't need to use disabled toilets.

Why do you think you know better than the people with stomas who are telling you that it isn't that easy and the extra space in disabled toilets plus the sink really helps? Some people with stomas absolutely need the disabled toilets.

When my son first had his stoma, I was given a bag of stuff from his stoma nurse which included a radar key.

Thank goodness your no longer in healthcare. A stoma is not like 'opening your bowels'
You can get leaks during emptying, if you need to fully change the bag it involves sprays to remove and reapply.
Yes you can get clip on/off ones but the stoma can still empty while you are doing it.

Having a stoma is classified as a disability in law.

One of your further posts you say you've helped to empty stoma and catheters. In a standard toilet cubicle ? No you havent.
You have to wash hands before doing either for infection control which you can't do in public loos.

I hate this so much i work in a shop that has a disabled toilet that customers ask for the key for and the amount of young people who feel like they have to explain themselves to me for me to give them the key breaks my heart.

You sound like an excellent person 💐

I don't unfasten, empty, refasten and wash my hands like everyone else. You've really simplified the process. I use a closed bag, not everyone with a stoma has a bag that can be emptied. When I change it I need access to water to clean my skin and more space to lay out what I need.

I actually have so much more to say about why a disabled toilet is needed with a closed or drainable bag but I get the feeling that you don't want to know as you've already made up your mind and I don't have the energy to explain.

Sure you do.

It’s not the same though. People are in the loo for two minutes. I’m sure most people can wait that long.

That's the same excuse some people do use for parking in disabled spaces.

Also, if someone needs to use a disabled toilet, it is very possible that the whole point of them needing to use it is that they can't wait.

But if another disabled person was in there ahead of them they would have to wait. Of course they should always be given priority. But if there are five toilets and one is a disabled one and a long queue of people it seems silly that if it is free that it can’t be used.

and if another disabled person was in the parking space they would have to wait too if no more spaces were available.

That still doesn't mean someone who isn't disabled should use the parking space or the toilet.

Yes it is. Babies and toddlers are not a disability

Such a holier than thou attitude. Are you really telling me that if you were in a long queue for the loo - at a theatre for example - and the disabled toilet was free that you wouldn’t nip in.

I wait. Just as I do for any other long queue.

It really isn't hard.

Good for you.

You asked the question. I only answered.

A lot of disabled loos also have baby changing facilities.