To ask, think before you judge who is using the disabled loo!

[Highlandcooo]

I often use the disabled toilet, as even though I have a newborn baby and a toddler and I’m in my thirties I also have a stoma which requires more space and access to a sink within a toilet cubicle.

I am so sick of being judged when I’m out for using the disabled toilet! Only today when I was coming out of the toilet with my pram two people made comments about mothers using the disabled toilets and not ‘waiting their turn’. I ignored them but this happens a lot and I’m getting tempted to show them my stoma bag next time! I have a radar key which was legitimately sent to me with my stoma supplies but people presume I’ve bought it so I can use the toilet with the pram.

AIBU to ask you to think first, if you ever judge people for using an accessible toilet?

‘I’m not the arse police’ may need to be my next username 🤣

My friend has terminal cancer and was on some drugs that give her an upset stomach and make her pee all the time. There was a massive queue for the toilets when we went to the theatre so she used the disabled toilet. As soon as she did a guy in a wheelchair arrived and started loudly complaining about my friend using the toilet. I didn’t bother saying anything and, luckily my friend didn’t realise what the guy had said but it was unpleasant. Morally I think my friend was ok to use the disabled toilet but maybe others would disagree.

Yes, that’s a good one to store up.

If I was you I would have been tempted to flash my stoma too.

You would have to be a knob to disagree with her using it.

If he's in a wheelchair he can't use the male loos but your friend could have asked to jump the queue.

She shouldn't have to declare her disability and hope for the kindness of multiple strangers, she's just as entitled to use the accessible toilets as he is.

You can't get into a hierarchy of conditions that deserve to use the accessible toilets. If you need an accessible toilet, you need an accessible toilet, end of - and being disabled doesn't mean you don't have to queue for anything, ever.

I use accessible toilets because I need the emergency pull cord in case of a seizure; I look perfectly fine walking into and out of them, but I'm not willing to disclose my disability to anyone who tuts at me or rolls their eyes, because it's none of their business. They're choosing to make up scenarios to get angry about; that's their lookout.

I know people who have a stoma. I used to work in health care and have experienced stoma care and while I'm not minimising the psychological effect of a stoma from a practical point of view you unfasten, empty, refasten then go and wash your hands much like everyone else.

People with disabilities that make it impossible to access a regular facility need the accessible toilets.

There is always much conflating between medical conditions and actual disabilities.

“I’m not the arse police” is probably the best thing I’ve ever read on Mumsnet 🏆😂

They are accessible to anyone who needs them to be fair. The fact anyone needs to wait is just life. Some accessible toilets even have baby changing facilities in them. So I don’t think anyone gets to dictate who uses those toilets.

“Used to work in healthcare” - hopefully not in any caring role. I’m glad you left!

Having a stoma is long-term, life-altering condition that meets the legal definitions of disability in the Equality Act 2010.

They’re accessible toilets, not disabled toilets. There’s a myriad of reasons why one may be used.
Anyone policing them and choosing to deem them worthy of using the toilet is a dick.

We need the right facilities for parents with young children as well as accessible toilets. In Europe (I spend a lot of time in France but I’m sure other countries have these too) in shopping centres and airports there are parent and child toilets with seat reducers a little seat to attach the baby while the toddler or mother is on the toilet, a step for the sink or a low sink and best of all space for a pram.
Where are mothers with young children supposed to go to the toilet? Leave the baby outside the cubicle? And queueing with a toddler who waits until last minute to declare they need the toilet is a recipe for an accident meaning we then have to squeeze into a tiny cubicle and change the child’s clothes.

Some people are idiots.

I thankfully didn't need a Stoma after the complex surgery that I was warned might result in me needing one but I do still have residual issues which sometimes mean I need more space and access to a sink. I use the ordinary loos if I just need a quick wee but sometimes I need the accessible loo.

I've never been challenged, commented on or stared at when I do so but I know it will happen sooner or later and I am conscious about it every time. The retort I have practiced is to say something like "What arrogance makes you think you are entitled to know about the medical conditions that mean I need to do this?" - I feel something like that would be better than showing your stoma bag - they do not have the right to know such a detail about a stranger.

So what constitutes an actual disability, in your eyes?

Replied to wrong post

You are so wrong. A lot of stoma bags are not like this at all you have a full bag that you have to remove it clean and dry the stoma area thoroughly then replace the bag. How do you expect people to do all this in front of people in a communal area. They leak a lot to how are you meant to clean yourself up.

It would be, it would help a lot of people, though it'd be the government you'd need to target to change the regulations. RIBA/architects know what would be better but have no influence to make it happen.

I think this is what gets forgotten. They are not exclusively for people in wheelchairs or with stomas.

I had a Mazda sports car and would take my Mum out in it all the time. I got lots of looks and comments until Mum exited the car with two white walking sticks. One guy who said something apologised profusely. I use a disabled toilet if the toilets are up or down stairs. Don’t look disabled but have an arthritic knee and lots of stairs make it worse.

Was he complaining, or just upset because the toilet was occupied, and he really could not wait. How would he know what was wrong with your friend? It makes no sense.

I have used a disabled toilet when it was a choice between queuing or shitting myself . I ignored the filthy looks when I came out .

You used to work in health care and have experienced stoma care and yet your views are completely at odds to people who actually live with one every day. I hope you were more empathetic with your patients.

Wtf do 3% of people think your being unreasonable?

You are unbelievable. I think you are saying this for the traffic you generate. It’s called health care for a reason. Hope you never have one. Sorry tagged wrong person.

You are utterly wrong.

”Some” have bags with an opening. To empty involves removing some clothing, taking off a support belt, emptying, folding up the end of the bag and then re-doing clothing. Sometimes you get poo on your hands. Should that person have to come out of a cubicle undressed to wash hands before putting themselves back together?

Often the bag leaks, the content can be pretty liquid and its messy.

What about those with closed bags where the whole bag has to be changed and if that’s happening when the stoma is active. They are pretty unpredictable.

I would say you have a tiny bit of knowledge about a tiny bit of stoma management but have no idea about the reality.

Go and educate yourself properly before judging.