To ask, think before you judge who is using the disabled loo!

[Highlandcooo]

I often use the disabled toilet, as even though I have a newborn baby and a toddler and I’m in my thirties I also have a stoma which requires more space and access to a sink within a toilet cubicle.

I am so sick of being judged when I’m out for using the disabled toilet! Only today when I was coming out of the toilet with my pram two people made comments about mothers using the disabled toilets and not ‘waiting their turn’. I ignored them but this happens a lot and I’m getting tempted to show them my stoma bag next time! I have a radar key which was legitimately sent to me with my stoma supplies but people presume I’ve bought it so I can use the toilet with the pram.

AIBU to ask you to think first, if you ever judge people for using an accessible toilet?

I know you mean well and I appreciate that the OP has an actual disability in addition to being a mother, but I'll tell you what is more disabling than "a toddler and a newborn."

DISABILITIES.

People use the exact same excuse for the disabled spaces though. "I'm only popping in, I'll only be a couple of minutes!"

Since you asked:
Many cancers
Paraplegic
Tetraplegic
Many neurological conditions
Lots of bone/immune conditions (e.g. rheumatoid arthritis)
Plenty of tropical illnesses
Lung conditions (COPD etc)
Serious heart diseases

That's just off the top of my head.

But don’t you see that if everyone thought like that the toilet would be occupied for two minutes plus two minutes plus two minutes etc?

When people see one person hopping in they often follow suit.

Happened to me recently. I have a medical condition where I can need to use the loo really urgently. When I arrived someone was in the disabled loo (there was a queue for the regular loos) and as they emerged someone else barrelled in before I’d a chance to move forward. They were in a group of friends and it was very clear from the conversation that there was no disability or other condition in play. They just didn’t want to queue!

I then had to announce to the group at large that I had a medical condition to prevent the others pushing in ahead too. I’m not even sure whether they believed me.

It’s really not fair.

Because we have disabled mothers

Yeah, so annoying. My very young child has ulcerative pancolitis bowel disease which means frequent diarrhoea explosions/severe stomach pains/dripping blood.

We went into the toilet, came out and were told where is our wheelchair as we dont look disabled!!!! Errr, go away!!!!.

That’s not why though, because often the only baby changing facilities are there. It often means the disabled facilities smell a bit (from nappy bins not emptied frequently enough) which is horrible too.

Very true. See also the resentment that seems to be attracted by disabled children entitled to home to school transport.

Self-evidently, the chances of being delayed by another disabled person using the accessible facilities are far lower than the chances of being delayed if non-disabled people are using them regularly.

Did you directly support people with a stoma? I hope not! You have absolutely no understanding of the day-to-day reality.

And how many people are super comfortable opening their bowels in a communal place? Even if it is as simple as you make out, which I doubt, respect and dignity might require the individual to access some privacy and a more confined area.

Oh no sorry I'm not suggesting anyone empty a stoma in a communal area, rather the toilet in the cubicle.

I was quoting another poster!

Yes, that is obvious!
Even so.
Listen to what people are telling you is my advice.

You're clearly doing this on purpose.

A family member had a stoma and you absolutely need to be keeping the area clean and washing hands hence why the sink in the same area as the toilet is needed , going in and emptying and coming out to wash hands wouldn't be easy then going back in to finish. My family member had a bag with the stuff required so needed somewhere to place that too. Being judged for using the disabled loo would stop people living normal lives going about their business.

You still haven't answered why you think you know better than those on here who actually have a stoma and say it is easier to use the disabled toilet.

Regardless of whether passers-by think you should.be in there, the NHS give you a radar in your going home after surgery supplies kit. So if they think it's enough of a disability to use the disabled loos, I will go with their opinion.

Sorry!

S'ok :-)