Mother made a comment on new partner

[Keola]

I have been single now for 3 years since my marriage ended. I have been seeing somebody for 6 months and the connection is just explosive. We have so much fun together and when the kids go to their dads we usually have a blow out now and again (nothing crazy, the odd night out, pub crawl) however my mum seems to think he is leading me astray (I really do not believe this)

Very much depends on what you call a blowout. A few drinks and home in the early hours - no problem. Waking up two days later in someone else's vomit - she might have a point.

Well, it's hard to know without further context whether your mother just thinks divorced women should devote themselves to the lives of their children in perpetuity and should certainly not have blow outs and pub crawls, or whether she thinks, with some grounds, that the person with whom you have an 'explosive connection' is awful, and you haven't realised it yet.

What does your mother think you should be doing instead? Ironing?

(Is your house a shithole, having said that ..??)

Honestly it was just a trip to the pub to watch the football and yes I had had a few drinks and was a little tipsy but I didn’t cause any trouble and the day after she said she was worried about me? I can’t really understand what I have done wrong?

What’s explosive ? £300 on cocaine , i’d be inclined to agree !

Big difference to a blow out and crawling through the door at 7am and a few drinks at the pub & getting tispy. What is it?

I invited my parents out with us and my first drink was at 11am due to the fact we were going out early. I honestly can’t think of what I have done wrong!

What reason did she give? Just that you are getting drunk quite often?

11am is a bit ridiculous.

Depends what blow out means and how much you've changed I guess. If you were clean living, health conscious responsible type who now spends every other weekend wasting a fortune getting messy on silly amounts of drink/drugs, then I can see she might be concerned that you're in thrall to him. However if you're merely catching up on some fun and taking no risks or harming no one, she's worrying without cause.
How come she's knows this is what you do?

She didn’t really give a reason she just said she wasn’t sure she was keen on him and she was worried about me. We thought we had a great day but it was getting really annoying that she kept telling me to go home when I was absolutely fine!

Did you do things like drinking in the morning before you met him?

She doesn’t. I usually have a few drinks when the kids go to their dads (usually with the girls) I though t I was absolutely fine. My mum is a really bad drinker and usually ends up in some sort of drama so maybe she has some insecurities about that?

No

That will be why. You don’t need to be getting pissed at 11am thats what alcoholics do.

I have been seeing somebody for 6 months and the connection is just explosive
I think this could be why your Mum is concerned. Is he intense and full on with you? Have you changed since meeting him?
I'd not react defensively to your Mum saying this but maybe ask if she's got concerns about this relationship. Listen carefully.

I don’t think I am an alcoholic as it isn’t a regular thing at all.

I suspect if your behaviour is very different she may just be concerned about the change - I assume it's not normal for you to start drinking at 11am in the morning?

If you are happy and satisfied you are not descending into some sort of mid-life crisis then I would tell her calmly but firmly that you are a grown up and whilst you appreciate her concern, you can take care of yourself. Then if she persists, tell her you don't wish to discuss it anymore.

There’s your answer then. I suspect you know that really.

I think she sounds concerned about your drinking habits...only you can judge if they are reasonable or not.

Is this is going to be one of those threads where the OP drips in bits of extra information?

What do you mean by 'I didn't cause any trouble'? Is your metric for acceptable levels of drinking whether or not you threw furniture or got barred from your local?

I would see someone who started drinking at 11 am because of a football match, or who regularly spent the days she had free because her children were with their other parent getting drunk as having some kind of problem. And if your mother is a problem drinker herself and thinks you're in a bad way since starting this new relationship, might she not have a point?

Will your connection with the new guy be just as 'explosive' if you decide to stick to soft drinks, or not to go to the pub, the next five times you see him?

I don’t really know what else to add? Yes obviously if it became a regular thing I would be concerned.

I don’t think drinking at 11am (if it’s a weekend and you have no responsibilities) is actually that bad. As long as it’s not a habit and you don’t do it all the time I don’t see the issue. I love going out with my friends on my child free weekends. I also sometimes can’t wait for a big glass of wine with them after a week of looking after my children (not that I’m complaining about them, they are my babies) but it’s nice to just be me sometimes

It was a weekend and I had no children.