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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Mother made a comment on new partner

187 replies

Keola · 09/02/2026 15:13

I have been single now for 3 years since my marriage ended. I have been seeing somebody for 6 months and the connection is just explosive. We have so much fun together and when the kids go to their dads we usually have a blow out now and again (nothing crazy, the odd night out, pub crawl) however my mum seems to think he is leading me astray (I really do not believe this)

OP posts:
BauhausOfEliott · 09/02/2026 17:43

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 09/02/2026 15:55

It's not exactly a healthy choice though, is it?

So what? You think normal adults make nothing but 'healthy choices' every single day of their lives?

Christmas dinner isn't 'a healthy choice'. A slice of birthday cake isn't 'a healthy choice'. A glass of champagne at a wedding isn't 'a healthy choice'.

Doesn't mean people are somehow spiralling into a chaotic life of addiction because they indulge in them now and again.

Moonlightdust · 09/02/2026 17:48

Keola · 09/02/2026 15:56

I have never drank at that time before unless I was at a festival or something similar

To be fair everyone is going mad at the OP but who would bat an eyelid at anyone having a Baileys or Bucks Fizz at 11am on Christmas Day?!

If this was a one off I can’t see anything too wrong in it! I once had a girls day in Cambridge and we had a Bottomless brunch so had Prosecco at that time!

justasking111 · 09/02/2026 17:48

My mother could start a drama in an empty room. Weddings, christenings, birthdays, Christmas lunch,. And she was sober.

BauhausOfEliott · 09/02/2026 17:53

Muffinmam · 09/02/2026 17:11

You’re drinking at 11am. You have a problem.

Oh, get a grip.

The sheer naivety and shelteredness of some Mumsnetters really astonishes me. Someone having a drink at 11am every now and again absolutely does not make them alcoholics. Most adults who have a drink now and again will have had a drink at this kind of time once or twice in their bloody lives.

Do you think everyone who ever goes to a festival, a brunch, a champagne breakfast on their honeymoon or after a romantic night at a fancy hotel, a daytime sporting event, Christmas Day, a wedding, a hen party etc 'has a problem'? Because all those events frequently and typically include alcohol being served pre-noon. Have you never seen photos of, eg, a bride and her bridesmaids sipping champagne while they get their hair and makeup done in the morning? Do you think when people to go Wimbledon, the bar isn't serving anyone Pimm's at 11am?

Unclench, FFS.

Happyjoe · 09/02/2026 17:54

Maybe it's less about the drinking and your mum just seeing you changing/being happy?

As long as you are still being a fab mum, keeping down a job, not drinking at 11am very often (!) and doing all the things you were doing just fine before you met your new fella, crack on I say.

Keola · 09/02/2026 17:57

Happyjoe · 09/02/2026 17:54

Maybe it's less about the drinking and your mum just seeing you changing/being happy?

As long as you are still being a fab mum, keeping down a job, not drinking at 11am very often (!) and doing all the things you were doing just fine before you met your new fella, crack on I say.

I have changed, my outlook on life is different. I was hurt so bad and obviously that changes you. I still look after my children and I am
more resilient than I have ever been but I will never be the same person I was before, you can’t be.

OP posts:
MyballsareSandy2015 · 09/02/2026 18:00

Blimey she should have seen me in spoons at Gatwick last week … 5.30am 🤣🥂

IAmTheLogLady · 09/02/2026 18:05

I started drinking at 11.00 the other week.
We had a pint before an (early) kick off. A pint at half time.
We had another drink with lunch
We were home by 7 ish, had a hot chocolate and some pudding.
We drank less than lots of people who go out in the evening.
What did you get up to that day op ?

Vodkamartini3olives · 09/02/2026 18:11

BoredZelda · 09/02/2026 16:51

I think people would agree that starting drinking at 11am isn’t the norm.

You've never had a day drinking session?,boozy brunch ect. What's the difference of going to the pub at 11am for a few drinks to watch the football or going to the pub at 7pm for a few drinks. Especially at the weekend when you have no responsibilities. I much prefer having drinks during the day than in the evening.

Happyjoe · 09/02/2026 18:14

Keola · 09/02/2026 17:57

I have changed, my outlook on life is different. I was hurt so bad and obviously that changes you. I still look after my children and I am
more resilient than I have ever been but I will never be the same person I was before, you can’t be.

Perhaps your mum got used to the sad lady recovering from hurt, and is finding this happier daughter strange? Being more resilient can only be a good thing too, kudos to you.
Honestly, if you're happy and you are carrying on with all the care etc, then be happy. A happy mum too is great for children!

MyDeftDuck · 09/02/2026 18:19

Don’t want to come across as a prudish party pooper but……….you don’t need copious volumes of alcohol to have a good time. Have a bit of respect for your liver OP.

Dinnaeeatallthecheese · 09/02/2026 18:23

Hmmm sounds like this has accelerated quickly
Explosive connection after 6 months is usually the idealisation phase of Love bombing
Please tell me you havent introduced your DC...

Keola · 09/02/2026 18:27

Dinnaeeatallthecheese · 09/02/2026 18:23

Hmmm sounds like this has accelerated quickly
Explosive connection after 6 months is usually the idealisation phase of Love bombing
Please tell me you havent introduced your DC...

Haven’t introduced DC. love bombing, possibly but I suppose what I mean by this is that it is so much more than I was used to with my ex.

OP posts:
MusicMakesItAllBetter · 09/02/2026 18:29

WeepingAngelInTheTardis · 09/02/2026 15:21

11am is a bit ridiculous.

Not really if you're going out on a dayer

justasking111 · 09/02/2026 18:29

MyballsareSandy2015 · 09/02/2026 18:00

Blimey she should have seen me in spoons at Gatwick last week … 5.30am 🤣🥂

Oh the G&T on an early morning flight to the sunshine. I know I'm on holiday 😂

PersephoneGoddessOfSpring · 09/02/2026 18:30

MyballsareSandy2015 · 09/02/2026 18:00

Blimey she should have seen me in spoons at Gatwick last week … 5.30am 🤣🥂

Ah but were you early or just really really late drinking at that time 🤔🤣

Applecharlotte2 · 09/02/2026 18:32

WeepingAngelInTheTardis · 09/02/2026 15:24

That will be why. You don’t need to be getting pissed at 11am thats what alcoholics do.

Don’t be ridiculous - if you are going for a sporting day it’s normal

raspberets · 09/02/2026 18:33

PersephoneGoddessOfSpring · 09/02/2026 18:30

Ah but were you early or just really really late drinking at that time 🤔🤣

yes, perspective is key here! 😁

HighLadyofTheNightCourt · 09/02/2026 18:36

WeepingAngelInTheTardis · 09/02/2026 15:24

That will be why. You don’t need to be getting pissed at 11am thats what alcoholics do.

Don’t be ridiculous! The occasional day out starting at 11am is nothing to stress about.

@Keolayou have my sympathies. When I met my DH my friends used to say things like this to me. The reality was my ex was not a sociable person and we hardly went out so when I found someone who was on my wavelength and was up for having fun with me they decided he was a bad influence.

1Audhdmum · 09/02/2026 18:40

I think I'd ask her now the weekend has passed,.what her concerns were and why she isn't keen on him?

If it was drink related those sound very much like issues related to her own relationship with alcohol.

If it's about the bloke you are seeing listen to her with an open mind.

Duckiewasthefirstniceguy · 09/02/2026 18:43

You’re tying yourself in knots trying to prove you haven’t done anything wrong, when the real issue is that your mum is anxious and hasn’t articulated why.

Nothing you’ve described is alarming. New relationship, a planned day out, child-free, a few drinks, home safely. Given what you’ve said about her drinking history, her discomfort around alcohol generally, and the way she applies different standards to you and your brother, this looks very much like projection. Stop internalising her unease as evidence that you’ve messed up.

If she has a concrete concern, she needs to articulate it. Is she worried about your kids? About frequency? About alcohol because of her own past? Does she simply not like the fact that you’re happier and changing? “I’m worried about you” without context is just nonsense. Have a direct conversation and her what, specifically, she thinks is the problem, and what she is actually afraid will happen. If she can’t answer that, then just disregard.

You’re allowed to be happy, to change and to enjoy yourself without it being pathologised, especially when your children are cared for and not involved.

MyLimeGuide · 09/02/2026 18:43

Is your mum normally the troublemaking type? Or does she usually have your best interests at heart? If the latter then maybe you should listen to her, she may see danger for you? The word "explosive" sounds sus, and there are kids involved..

raspberets · 09/02/2026 18:48

Duckiewasthefirstniceguy · 09/02/2026 18:43

You’re tying yourself in knots trying to prove you haven’t done anything wrong, when the real issue is that your mum is anxious and hasn’t articulated why.

Nothing you’ve described is alarming. New relationship, a planned day out, child-free, a few drinks, home safely. Given what you’ve said about her drinking history, her discomfort around alcohol generally, and the way she applies different standards to you and your brother, this looks very much like projection. Stop internalising her unease as evidence that you’ve messed up.

If she has a concrete concern, she needs to articulate it. Is she worried about your kids? About frequency? About alcohol because of her own past? Does she simply not like the fact that you’re happier and changing? “I’m worried about you” without context is just nonsense. Have a direct conversation and her what, specifically, she thinks is the problem, and what she is actually afraid will happen. If she can’t answer that, then just disregard.

You’re allowed to be happy, to change and to enjoy yourself without it being pathologised, especially when your children are cared for and not involved.

Perfectly put.

Keola · 09/02/2026 18:51

MyLimeGuide · 09/02/2026 18:43

Is your mum normally the troublemaking type? Or does she usually have your best interests at heart? If the latter then maybe you should listen to her, she may see danger for you? The word "explosive" sounds sus, and there are kids involved..

I suppose what I mean is that I haven’t experienced this before. Like I know he wants to be with me and makes the effort and our sex life is great.

OP posts:
justasking111 · 09/02/2026 18:56

Keola · 09/02/2026 18:51

I suppose what I mean is that I haven’t experienced this before. Like I know he wants to be with me and makes the effort and our sex life is great.

You've been squashed personality wise in a marriage perhaps. Now you're free it will be noticeable that you've blossomed. People can find that disconcerting.