Mother made a comment on new partner

[Keola]

I have been single now for 3 years since my marriage ended. I have been seeing somebody for 6 months and the connection is just explosive. We have so much fun together and when the kids go to their dads we usually have a blow out now and again (nothing crazy, the odd night out, pub crawl) however my mum seems to think he is leading me astray (I really do not believe this)

Um.. you’ve changed, it’s made your mum nervous. Reassure her. What do you want from this thread?!

And it sounds like like a comment on your new boyfriend, and more like a comment on you.

We all change? I’m just being a bit more adventurous I suppose. I just don’t think it is fair to say they don’t like somebody over nothing.

I think it’s perfectly fine. I’m not saying do it every weekend and if you are that’s different. Only you know if it’s an issue x

If you are happy your social life is not revolving around heavy drinking when with him then keep seeing him and just don’t invite your parents along and don’t discuss what you are up to with them as much

Ok so now I know this seems unbelievable.
You were drinking at 11am in front of your parents and you don't know why they think you've gone awry? Not that it's your bf's fault. You're a grown woman and if you drink too much it's your own responsibility not your boyfriend's.

This is mn. If you dare to have more than a small Bailey's at Christmas you're an alcoholic.

No it isn’t. You must be stuck in the mindset of alcoholics pouring Scotch on their corn flakes. The reality is very different.

What a vile thing to say. Why are some MNers so desperate to deride other people’s homes as “shitholes”?

When my mum said that about a previous boyfriend of mine, it was because I had changed and wasn't acting like my usual self. He was very controlling but seemed like the nicest guy in the world, til he wasn't.

It might be nothing. But it wouldn't hurt to take a step back, and see if there's anything that you've brushed aside because of the explosive connection and the fun you think you're having. Is there ANYTHING at all that didn't feel quite right?

Just to be sure.

I don't know many people who don't have a dependent or problematic relationship with alcohol at best who would start drinking at 11am. 'Start drinking' implies continual drinking from then onwards as well.

Don't tell your mum everything. You're an adult and she doesn't need to know. Just say you have met someone else and you are having a nice time, thank you. You don't need to give her chapter and verse on what time you started drinking or even who you are seeing when it's early days.

No, having a drink at 11am once in a blue moon is absolutely not 'what alcoholics do'.

If someone starts drinking at 11am every single day and can't function without it, that would make them an alcoholic. Having a drink at 11am on rare social occasions doesn't make someone an alcoholic at all.

Why did things break down with your ex?

It might not be the booze, it might just be a sixth sense thing with your mum that somehow he's not good news. She can't put her finger on it, but she has reservations. Generally in the first flush, a negative view from an objective 3rd party isn't welcome but it might be worth standing back a little.

Wow, some people have got the full mumsnet in the comments. Having a drink at 11am on a weekend does not make one alcoholic.

It's not exactly a healthy choice though, is it?

I have never drank at that time before unless I was at a festival or something similar

Maybe it's his "normal" behaviour that's bringing your DM into questioning the relationship.
If you didn't drink pre meeting him at 11am but do now will/are their other behaviours that she can forsee that you will accept as being normal.

There are many things that are not healthy choices.

Having a takeaway at the weekend, or a McDonalds isn't a healthy choice either but many people do that every week.

Having a day where you have a few drinks at the pub while watching the football is just letting your hair down and enjoying yourself. She has already said she doesn't do this kind of thing often, its once in a blue moon.

🙄

How old are you? You are being unreasonable if you let your mother impose her views on your normal activities like this!

The plan for the whole week was to go day drinking on the sat due to the football, and that is what we did.

And that's fine, but doesn't make it a healthy choice and that's all people are saying.

You’re fine. I prefer daytime socialising/ drinking now. Especially if it’s for football or rugby. I hate going out for a ‘night out’. And one if the benefits is starting early so finishing earlier and being fresher the following day.

I mean, in and of itself it's up to you what you do when you're free and not responsible for your children. But to plan a whole day of day drinking based around the football is hardly the stuff of dreams if you're looking for a long term relationship with this man and you have children. If you have no long-term plans with this man - crack on. If you're looking for a serious relationship - I'm with your mum.