Father in law making rude comments in pregnancy

[Beula82]

FIL has form for being rude and it being laughed off without anyone pulling him up on it. I feel like this time he's gone too far.

Last pregnancy he repeatedly called me a "beached whale". Lots of laughter etc.

Now this pregnancy 7 months pregnant, feeling heavy and sensitive and hormonal. He greets me saying "hello fatty".

AIBU to say enough is enough and I'm not spending time with him unless he apologies and stops being so rude and thoughtless?

Your husband shouldn’t be allowing this.

He should be telling his dad in no uncertain terms to stop commenting on your body.

Well you (and everyone here) know/knows the answer to that 'AIBU'.

But what I'm wondering is why you haven't firmly told him before.

Do you 'laugh it off' along with everyone else?

And nor should the OP!

Awful of him. What does your husband have to say?

Presumably this man isn't interested in his grandkids if he's so insulting to the woman who's growing them in her body?

I'm sure you could think of a couple of comments about his appearance.

That’s completely unacceptable. Where is your DH in all of this?

If my mother greeted my husband in this way, she wouldn’t be welcome in our home. This is a horrible example FIL is setting for your children, I can’t see how or why he thinks this is funny.

Not unreasonable but pull him up sharp when he says it..."I'm not fat John, I'm heavily pregnant. It's very insensitive to make these so-called jokes, so please don't do it again".

Honestly, I try saying it's not appropriate (as does my husband) but my MIL always makes excuses and says oh he doesn't meant it, he's just trying to be funny. He's got away with a lot of rude behaviour previously and the wider family condone it by laughing it off.

My AIBU is do I go in hard this time on boundaries and just say enough is enough, I'm not tolerating being around him until his rudeness stops.

Rude, and tiresome. I'd find his weak spot and then be coming back at him with something like "Yeah, but at least my fatness is only temporary".

Winston Churchill apparently turned up in the Chamber slightly the worse for wear one day and a woman said "Mr Churchill, you're drunk!", to which he replied something along the lines of "Yes, but in the morning I'll be sober, whereas you'll still be ugly." Channel Winston Churchill!

Yes, I think it's reasonable to avoid him. I do think your DH should tell his dad in stronger terms than 'it's appropriate'.

Something more like 'lay off my wife or you won't be seeing your grandkids, you misogynistic old prick'.

My AIBU is do I go in hard this time on boundaries and just say enough is enough, I'm not tolerating being around him until his rudeness stops.

Well yes of course you should.

And it's nothing to do with your MIL or anyone else.

Tell him straight and let him know you're serious.

It wouldn't bother me but obviously everyone has different types of sense of humours and different sensitives. So if it upsets you, you or your husband needs to say something

Actually, this just makes Churchill sound more like the FIL than someone to emulate.

The thing is if you come back with a Churchill type retort he'll probably love it, because this appears to be his sort of sense of humour.

As a PP said, we're all different but the fact is it bothers you so you need to shut him down.

Yes, take a hard stance, which you should have done a long time ago! You say “ Phillip, I’ve had enough of your horrible remarks, please do not comment any more”.

Quite!

og course you go in hard. You have had enough and if he doesn't demonstrate better manners that's the last they will see of you, your husband and of course the new baby.

Can you try 'it's not funny, and I don't want a child to grow up hearing those sorts of comments'?

I'm not a shining example of anything with my parents, but I do occasionally find it works on my dad to frame this sort of thing in terms of grandchildren. My SIL is excellent at it and will immediately go in with 'my children should not be hearing this sort of thing'.

“Hello wrinkly, ignorant old twat”. When he’s offended, and he absolutely will be…
”What? I thought you’d think it was funny. Can’t you take a joke Nigel?”.
He’ll stop then.

Just leave. No words. Turn around and leave. If it's his house I'd warn DH and expect him to follow me. Mine and I'd repair to my room to MN and read.

'hello you rude fat old pig' straight back.

Im furious on your behalf

sorry but that’s absolutely disgusting behaviour. What kind of man calls a pregnant woman a beached whale ? You are 100 percent right to demand an apology and reassurance that he wouldn’t be speaking to you again like that.

It's not funny; he's just being a prick. You and your DH need to say (again) that insulting and being disrepsectful and rude towards you is not acceptable and if he does it again, you will both turn around and walk out and won't see him again. Do you want your children to be old enough to understand how he speaks to you and think it's an acceptable way to behave?

Yep, fuck him. I'm almost 58 and if there's one thing I wish I'd done differently its take less shit. Particularly from my in laws.

It's not funny, where's the joke?

The alternative is to give it straight back at him - "hello fatty" and respond with "hi boomer" or tell mil its only funny to those suffering from senility

I think I’d just tell him to fuck off and either leave or tell him to go home depending on whether you were at their house or him at yours.

I wouldn’t be spoken to like that, rude twat.