Father in law making rude comments in pregnancy

[Beula82]

FIL has form for being rude and it being laughed off without anyone pulling him up on it. I feel like this time he's gone too far.

Last pregnancy he repeatedly called me a "beached whale". Lots of laughter etc.

Now this pregnancy 7 months pregnant, feeling heavy and sensitive and hormonal. He greets me saying "hello fatty".

AIBU to say enough is enough and I'm not spending time with him unless he apologies and stops being so rude and thoughtless?

@Beula82 Tell your DH that he isn't welcome at your home and you won't be visiting them either. His comments are crass, rude and completely unnecessary. In what world is it hysterically funny to call someone a beached whale or fatty? He's nothing more than a misogynistic old dinosaur hiding behind the "male banter" routine. It gives him an ego boost to make a women feel embarrassed. Your MIL might have to tolerate it and make excuses for him, but you definitely don't. Your DH knows you find him offensive, so he shouldn't be surprised when you say you're going no contact. I'm just sorry your DH hasn't got the balls to support you more.

Well of course they can and do. But if it's your parent insulting your spouse, wouldn't you want to defend them?

If he says “hello fatty” then the correct response is “hello prick” “hello cunt” “hello coffin dodger” or anything he might be somewhat sensitive about. If he looks offended just laugh obnoxiously and say “ONLY JOKING! Come on can’t you take a JOKE?!”

I think you need a plan of attack with your husband. If he greets you like that when you enter his house, stop, tell him you've had enough and leave. Ask your husband to support you by telling his dad neither of you will be back. If he says it in your house, turn on your heel and leave the room. Go to your bedroom and don't return until they've gone.

Beula82
Tell him to fork off and
If he keeps upsetting you
Then what's he doing to the baby?
Also
Get your husband to grow a pair
And stand up to Bigdaddy when you're now in a vulnerable position and need support

Read this with caution as the lady it's about has always been like this:-
Had a friend who had the same problem when I carried my second, we antenataled together;
She told hubby if the 'joshing as it was put didn't stop and she had anything go wrong
His father was to blame
And never ever be forgiven
All true

Practically I would approach it on a number of levels.

First get DH to talk to his dad and tell him it needs to stop
Then you talk to mil and tell her it needs to stop and that if it happens again you will leave/ask them to leave

If it happens again do exactly that, whether or not there's an apology. That way they will learn.

Only stay in their presence if it doesn't happen at all.

no don't do this. Don't leave the room in your own home. Tell them that the visit is over and make them leave.

And if they won't leave? It'll stress the op further. Let her husband deal with his parents.

Not at all. Churchill didn't start it. The FIL did.

“Get it right, Dave. I’m not fat I’m a ‘humourless bitch who can’t take a joke’! If you can’t remember that one we’d better have a break.”

Then leave and refuse to see them again until he apologises. They’ll all think you’re a cow because it’s easier to think he’s funny and you’re a humourless bitch than admit he’s a nasty rude prick - but jokes on them because you don’t have to hear any of it.

About 6 years ago.

You need to grow a sense humourc

Your FIL is an obnoxious prick. His wife may put up with it but you certainly don't have to. Your DH should be defending you. I'd make if clear that if he doesn't stop his incredibly rude comments you won't be seeing them. Then maybe his wife will realise that nit everyone will put up with his behaviour.

I would just rudely say “Haha I wish I could be funny like you.” Eye roll.

id remove myself from any situation where he does it . Train him like a dog.

What PP have said re being in his home, if he tired that in mine he'd be shown the door. Not a chance I'd be leaving the room in my own home.
Also tell him he's not welcome until he changes his attitude.

I have a couple of (male) relatives like this. The only way to manage is to go HARD, harder than them.

So when he says "hello fatty", I'd say "oooh not dead yet? Looking kinda old and pale there, didn't think you'd make it another week". Or something equally horrible, the key is to make it really personal so it hurts.

It will shut him up. He will hate you but who gives a fuck at this point. You want him to get angry and either leave the room or kick you out. Result either way.

And don't feel bad for MIL. Women like her just enable these horrible bastards, it's not your job to join in with her.

I was thinking the same. Nasty comment.

Whatever your DH is saying is not enough. Has he actually tackled his dad properly?

“Brian, if you can’t stop the misogynistic and rude comments, I’ll be keeping the DC away from you. I refuse to let them grow up hearing their Grandpa insulting their DM”.

then leave (if you’re visiting) or get their coats (if they’re at yours).

DMIL was like this with me. She wax diagnosed with Dementia a couple of years later. Usually a very lovely Woman I think the Dementia was making her lose her social niceties.

My DH and DSIL pulled her up on it each time though. I’d be really cross with my DH if he hadn’t.

This is beyond rude, offensive, and above all, disrespectful! You've spoken up, it has persisted, and wow... It's shameful that your husband tolerates it and that is disrespectful, too. Here you are, bringing their grandchild into the world??

Yeah, no. I'd cut all contact at this point with him and he could forget ever getting his hands on my child.

Sorry, but personally I hate the word "inappropriate" - DF is not using the insults in the wrong place, he’s using them when they shouldn’t be used at all. He’s being rude.

I'd give a final warning. "Bernard, I’ve told you many times that I really hate these rude comments you make about my body when I’m pregnant. You may think they’re funny but I don’t. If you do it again we’re going to have to stop spending any time with you." (You need your DH's support for this.)

If he or MIL make comments along the lines of "For goodness sake, it's only a joke" or "Can’t you take a joke?" I’d say "That’s what every playground bully says. It’s not funny and I’ve told you repeatedly that it upsets me, so why do you want to keep doing it? Do you enjoy upsetting me?"

Him 'Hello fatty'
You 'Hello shit for brains'
Have an insult ready to fire back at him

This, no one would ever speak to me like that because they know I'd wipe the floor with them.