Father in law making rude comments in pregnancy

[Beula82]

FIL has form for being rude and it being laughed off without anyone pulling him up on it. I feel like this time he's gone too far.

Last pregnancy he repeatedly called me a "beached whale". Lots of laughter etc.

Now this pregnancy 7 months pregnant, feeling heavy and sensitive and hormonal. He greets me saying "hello fatty".

AIBU to say enough is enough and I'm not spending time with him unless he apologies and stops being so rude and thoughtless?

^This^ and see how he likes it!!
and if he has the audacity to try and call you out, you say ‘well OLD MAN, no worse than you’ve called me, 🤷‍♀️’!!

Absolutely do not throw tea in his face and shout “Fuck off!”

An apology won’t be sincere. MIL called me nasty names and she’s no longer welcome in our home. You don’t have to put up with horrible behaviour.

I think it’s a fairly common to guard a significant other from our own parents and their ‘ways’. If the in law alone speaks up she / he isolates themselves from the family ( becomes the problem) …lots of reasons why the partner ought to show they are a UNITED team not to be trifled with

I agree that would be terrible!
Instead make sure that your shock at being insulted makes you tremble so that you pour the tea over his feet, them maybe emit an ear piercing shriek?

Nah 👎 she doesn’t.
What he said wasn't humour, it was being a rude prick.

Her FIL needs to grow up.
Her DH needs to grow a pair.
@Beula82

If my MIL had told me it was ok for my FIL to be rude to me, I'd have torn her off a strip and I don't care what DH would think.

If it happens again say very firmly that you won't put up with such rudeness, it's not funny and walk out of the room. Your DH should be sorting out his mother as well.

Say it very calmly and quietly - otherwise you'll get told you are being "emotional". Especially with being pregnant and all.

Sigh and say “it’s really strange to keep saying something to me that I’ve told you I don’t like, especially when I’m heavily pregnant with your grandchild. We’ve spoken about this before and made our feelings clear. We’ve told you it’s not funny. So you either want to upset me or you need to speak to someone about your memory loss. Which is it?”

What’s the joke?

And your husband allows this?

That would imply that if she was fat and not pregnant, it would be OK for. him to make those comments.
A better reply would be "Not funny, I'm carrying your grandchild, knobhead." The "knobhead" inserts some humour into your response, so you can't be accused of not being able to take a joke.
I'd warn my DH that I expect him to back me up and that if it happens again, I'd be walking straight out that door.

Now this pregnancy 7 months pregnant, feeling heavy and sensitive and hormonal. He greets me saying "hello fatty".

It would have been great if you’d felt able to reply ‘Hello rude, insensitive troglodyte’

If you're visiting them, tell him you're not being subjected to this rudeness, get up and leave.

If they are visiting you, then tell him the same, and tell them to go.

No visits and no seeing existing grandchildren the baby until this behaviour stops. Where is your DH in this? Searching for his spine?

His comments are completely horrible. Don't tolerate it.

A friend of ours has a similar 'sense of humour'. He said something to me a few weeks ago and without thinking I replied 'Shut it, Shrivel Dick!'

I think you probably need to be a bit bristly with him, a roll of the eyes and something snarky like 'aren't you hilarious!' If mil wants to defend him have a response ready for her too, 'He's like it with everybody? He doesn't mean it? Oh, well that's alright then!'

My MIL told me I looked like I’d stuck a football up my top. For that and other similar rude and insensitive things, I am now ultra-low contact with her.

Afraid I would just tell him to duck off and walk right back out

then I would send a text to both of them telling them his behaviour is not acceptable you want an apology and until it’s forthcoming and meant you will not be in contact with them and neither will your children as you are not prepared to have such rude behaviour modelled to them.

If nobody else points it out to him then stick up for yourself
Stop inviting them to your home and stop visiting them at their house. Once the idea that his attitude towards you will have an impact on their ability to see their grandchild they’ll soon get the idea
Have very strict boundaries

Same. Day to day, I am polite and pleasant to everyone. In ops situation? I am nuclear level vicious. DH has never needed to step in, he has infact been known to mutter the occasional “oh shit” if someone is overtly rude to me. Manners cost nothing and I will maintain mine, but if someone crosses the line? They are put down.

Only my experience but I would address it next time but also ensure your DH know that you're going to. My in laws are that same but DH does challenge them, but they'll never change. I haven't spoken to them for about 4 years and far less stress in my life. I'm sorry that you feel alone with this

@Beula82 you need to be really clear it’s not ok. One more chance and if he fucks up again you don’t want to see him. If he’s going to act like a child, treat him like one. What a dick.

You don't have to get cross. If he says it just tell him calmly he is being rude and leave. Calmly every time he does it.

The C bomb should be reserved for certain situations. This is that situation.
’Hello C’
He will never, ever, greet you this way again.

Unfortunately, I think most of the ripostes, even if they initially shock, would be regarded as joining in with the ‘banter’. Also, if ripostes are heard by children that makes them worse because it teaches children that tit for tat is OK.

Just agree a strategy with your husband and leave without engaging or get husband to ask them to leave if it’s your house, as he’s had enough of his father’s rude behaviour because it upsets you both and he doesn’t want his children, who are his father’s grandchildren, to be around someone so rude.

Actions speak louder than words.

How would you feel about taking the nuclear route and if he greets you at the door with another rude remark, you turn around and leave?