Father in law making rude comments in pregnancy

[Beula82]

FIL has form for being rude and it being laughed off without anyone pulling him up on it. I feel like this time he's gone too far.

Last pregnancy he repeatedly called me a "beached whale". Lots of laughter etc.

Now this pregnancy 7 months pregnant, feeling heavy and sensitive and hormonal. He greets me saying "hello fatty".

AIBU to say enough is enough and I'm not spending time with him unless he apologies and stops being so rude and thoughtless?

Why not recycle the Winston Churchill joke?
When he says you're fat you reply "You're a gobshite-In a few months I'll be slim again. You'll still be a gobshite"

Presumably he says this when you arrive? Literally turn around and walk back out of the door. Either leave completely or go and sit in the car. I wouldn't be coming back without an apology.

I woul go ahead and lay out your boundaries. I was about to ask about his wife but read this post and realised she is clearly the enabler and presumably has the same sh*t to deal with herself . Call it out for yourself and for every other woman he patronises.

Can you reply "Hello Cunty" and if you're pulled up well you're only joking.

Having put up with horrible things from my ex MIL i cant believe people are saying to say something back! If you are out just leave no words needed, if round his home same leave no words and if hes round yours just say 'i wish you to leave now' and keep saying it until he leaves,...if he said that in my house he wouldnt enter again...

Oh fuck off and tell MiL I did mean that and I'm sick of his crap.

High road: sorry Bob that's not funny and in fact offensive.

Low road: FIL: Hello fatty. You: Hello dickhead.

Disagree. It’s not “tit for tat” it is shutting down comments that are not appropriate. And doing it intentionally, with strength and meaning.
Bullies need to be dealt with in a way that they understand. At heart, bullies are all cowards and if you meet them head on? They go away. It’s a valuable skill for a child to learn. Because they absolutely will meet a bully at some point.

What would happen if you countered with 'Hello, baldy!' or similar?! Give him a taste of his own medicine. Blooming cheek!

You beat me to it! It was allegedly Nancy Astor who made the first comment.

That could backfire if he’s not bothered or wants to paint himself as someone who can ‘take a joke’.

Why didn't you just say 'fuck off wanker' and let him choke on his own indignation.

What about a cheery, ‘Hello, you ugly fucker!’

Sorry but more fool you if you if you are letting him. Why should it be up to your OH to say something. Are you gagged?

I’d worry that he has poor social skills and this is an attempt at being funny/friendly. Unless of course he simply nasty. I think it matters which it is. I can imagine my kind and nice FIL saying something like this in jest.

Sorry, I disagree.

Bullies are after a reaction for escalation and power.

I don’t know if FIL is a bully or just ignorant and genuinely thinks he’s being funny, but any verbal response is unlikely to ‘shut him down’ because he can hide behind the banter/joke/no sense of humour response or escalate.

Walking away closes the discussion, leaves FIL powerless and leaves the ball in FIL and MIL’s court to mend the breach.

'hello cunt'

job done

What a cunt! Tell him that kind of misogyny went out of fashion 50 years ago. Perhaps also point out that it doesn't sound like he's interested in his grandchild which you are growing so you won't need to bother seeing him again.

’Hello Ugly! Would have been the perfect response. Just meet ‘funny’ with ‘funny’ and the comments will soon stop . I have been in this situation with an in-law. X

Next time just shut him down immediately. Tell him its not appropriate and you wont be tolerating it. If your MIL pipes up than you shut HER down telling her its not funny and again, you wont be tolerating it. His behaviour wont change if people keep enabling it

This.

is he overweight? If so, just say, "I'm pregnant, what's your excuse?"

Wheres your dh backbone ?

No. Bullies don’t want escalation. They think they hold the power and they can stop others from escalating. When you do? When you give it back? They fold. Always.
Walking away makes FIL believe he has “won”. Shaming him in his own house? Puts him back where he belongs. No “breach” to be mended with me. I decide what is or is not appropriate and act accordingly.

Go hard.

'What did you say, cunt?' is your response to the next offensive comment.

If your DH pipes up to defend his father say 'Now you have an opinion, spineless'

Then turn and leave. Refuse to spend time in their company until the behaviour is respectful.

The family's low bar does not have to be yours.