Father in law making rude comments in pregnancy

[Beula82]

FIL has form for being rude and it being laughed off without anyone pulling him up on it. I feel like this time he's gone too far.

Last pregnancy he repeatedly called me a "beached whale". Lots of laughter etc.

Now this pregnancy 7 months pregnant, feeling heavy and sensitive and hormonal. He greets me saying "hello fatty".

AIBU to say enough is enough and I'm not spending time with him unless he apologies and stops being so rude and thoughtless?

Next time you see him I’d greet him with “fucking hell FIL your looking incredibly old!” See how he likes it!

When he greets you like that you need to stop. Don't move. If he's entering your home, block his way with your body. If you're entering his home stand in the doorway with the door wide open. Create an uncomfortable situation then say "Are you aware how rude you are Derek? I'd like an apology now"
MIL will minimise "Oh he's only joking"
You say "No, he's being rude. I'm waiting for an apology"

Then either he apologises or you end the visit

Awful behaviour

Return the greeting in a war, familiar and friendly “hello you rude old cunt” - bet he stops 😂

I am very much done with giving “warnings” for this sort of behaviour. At the very next comment I would get up, gather my belongings and leave without a further word. Draw the boundary and clearly demonstrate how it will be upheld. They can draw their own implications on future interactions (or lack thereof) dependent on whether their behaviour (his shitty comments, her ridiculous enabling) change or continue. Good luck, he sounds a disgusting pig!

“At least I’m not a miserable cunt”

If your husband won't tell his dad to shut the fuck up and not talk to his wife like that, you're going to have to.

Not appropriate is pretty weak, considering he:s calling a pregnant woman names.

He's bullying a pregnant woman about her weight. Time to go hard and go home. I wouldn't see that rude fuck again unless he gave a genuine apology and expressed remorse for bullying.

I would go with either:

Be rude right back “hello baldy/B.O bellend/short arse/some other obvious weak spot.”

Or:

refuse to see the in-laws at all until he stops. And apologises to you. In front of everyone he’s said these things in front of. He wouldn’t be seeing the child you already have either. He can’t be trusted to set a good example.

I think I'd just leave him with 'fuck off you rude cunt'. What the hell is your H playing at?

Reply ‘Dave you’re a ignorant old cunt and about as funny as a bout of norovirus so just shut the fuck up’

Like another PP said as an older woman now, I don’t care if I offend dickheads and which I’d spoken up more in my younger days.

This is probably the best approach. My instinct would have probably edged into sweary territory of telling him where to go. Maybe save my approach for if he does it again after the polite one. He needs to be called out on it.

No need to stoop to his level. All you need to say is "that's rude". If he or someone else starts saying he's joking or whatever, you just keep repeating "no, it's rude".

lol indeed!! And he wasn’t exactly a stunner himself 🤣

I would say nothing..literally nothing, I would not aknowledge him or his greetings. He is ignorant and plainly very stupid so smile a condescending smile at most and ignore him totally. Done properly he will feel very small. Acknowledging him only makes him feel important so pull the rug of psudo power from under him and ignore him until he decides to speak to you respectfully.

This. I highly doubt this man resembles Robert Redford or Paul Newman. He is probably more like Roy 'Chubby' Brown.

I’d be inclined to grey rock them both! Don’t bother going to their house, don’t invite them over and don’t share anything with them, if they happen to realise, tell them you’re sick of his rude behaviour and MILs enabling and you / your children won’t be entertaining this any longer

Shut Up . Not funny .

I might try returning the greeting in kind, to him (and maybe to MiL since she thinks it's all fine and enables the whole thing). But that does lose you the high ground and risks insults just becoming the common currency. I wouldn't put up with it, though, and I really wouldn't want my kids to be around that kind of interaction. So drawing a hard line seems reasonable to me.

When did 'Boomer' become an insult or and/or an offensive term?

'Hello fatty'
'Hello peabrain' Big smile: Just joking. Lost your sense of humour FiL? etc.

Or 'Wow, hilarious.' Or 'How original!'

I've just had similar recently with my FIL and it's completely changed my opinion of him. A few weeks ago at 8 months pregnant, he was talking about his other son's girlfriend who was also pregnant at the time (has given birth now) and saying how looking at her you can't tell she's pregnant until you see her bump, her face etc still looks the same. But me - he said I've put it on everywhere, face etc and I'm absolutely massive!!! 😡 It really upset me, I had to hold back tears til we left and I let my partner know exactly how upset I was with him. At first he tried to make excuses for him, saying he didn't mean it in that way?!! What other way could he mean it?! So he had a word with him and he apologised but he couldn't see why I was so offended!!!! What is it with some people, they think they can just say anything about your physical appearance and get away with it!! So I completely empathise, still makes me so mad thinking about it

Greet him back with “Here he is, the rude arrogant prick” Then laugh loudly in his face.
YANBU.

Are you new to MN? 😅

'Boomers' are (apparently) the root of all evil.

This has boiled my piss 😠 😡 😤

I would reply well I can give birth and the weight will go, but you will still be a rude, ugly old prick. 👊

If he retorts, then just ask him if he cannot take a joke? 😆
If he says it's not funny,
then say - well neither are you mate 💥

@Beula82

‘I’m not fat, I’m pregnant’ followed up by ‘what’s your excuse’ if necessary. Job done.

So many comments suggesting the OP’s DH should say something. Are women not meant to speak for themselves?