Father in law making rude comments in pregnancy

[Beula82]

FIL has form for being rude and it being laughed off without anyone pulling him up on it. I feel like this time he's gone too far.

Last pregnancy he repeatedly called me a "beached whale". Lots of laughter etc.

Now this pregnancy 7 months pregnant, feeling heavy and sensitive and hormonal. He greets me saying "hello fatty".

AIBU to say enough is enough and I'm not spending time with him unless he apologies and stops being so rude and thoughtless?

Ha ha, yeah really funny, now FUCK OFF!!!! should do the trick nicely every time he says something rude until he gets the message

Exactly. You have to leave their house every time he does this if you’re at theirs.

Or leave the room if you’re at your house.

It’s the only thing that works.

What’s normal about calling women ‘fatty’ and ‘beached whale’?

Why is it that acceptable but answering FIL back unacceptable?

🤣

Nope. Not right to leave the room in your own house. THEY leave right there and then.

You misunderstand,the fil should just behave like a normal human being and most definitely keep his idiot comments to himself.

I think that whatever you think about him, you just say it and never mind the consequences

He is voicing his opinion, over and over again without a thought to your feelings.

She is not helping herself put a stop to it though, is she? She seems unwilling to spell it out to him firmly and create a strong boundary. Women seem to collude with awful male behaviour sometimes.

I can’t decide if you should call him a cunt, or just leave without saying a word if he insults you. (Part of thinks you just need to train him like he’s a dog. Insult = immediate abscence. Even if you’re half way through the front door, or just been served a meal. Eventually he’ll learn).

But I can be sure my child would call him, “The grandfather we never see”.

Imagine your child learning It’s acceptable to insult people like that.

If he greets you like this when you visit, quietly and without a word turn round and go home. Or you could always try, 'Hello Baldy / Flabby / Saggy / Uggo' - be creative.

Why is MIL bought into this? Why isn't your DH taking him to one side and telling him to stop. Is this what your children will have to grow up around?

Another tactic with bullies like this is to get them to explain the joke. Stay really calm. Say 'I don't like it when you make comments about my body.' If he says 'it's just a joke' do a classic Mumsnet head tilt, look baffled and tell him you don't get it. Don't let him drop it, keep asking. 'No, honestly, you say it every time you see me so it's obviously a really funny joke. I'd like to understand so I can laugh too. Mainly I just find my back hurts these days, so a good joke would be great.'

Then do this every. single. time he makes a 'joke'. Even if he never learns he's a rude prick, he will at least learn it's no fun bullying you and he'll give it up.

I can understand why she'd expect her husband to talk to his own father about his inappropriate, disrespectful treatment ... failing that, let him have it and ban him from the house.

The trouble is with this sort of person is they wont take kindly to being told. If they are immature enough to make such comments they will definitely be too immature to take some firm boundaries. I tried it once with my ridiculously cruel MIL and finally had enough, offered her a few home truths in that actually she was really rude and disrespectful. It insulted her no end and she doesn’t speak to us now which is bliss, but be warned.

I think I’d go straight back with “Hello, rude old man”

Your FIL sounds like a complete prick. Shocked your husband would allow him to speak to you like that.

just refuse to be around him

Or you could try being equally rude by saying “well im growing your grandchild, whats your excuse?” Give him a good slap on the back and a good old chuckle, see what he has to say!

It’s not ok and you know it’s not ok but the wider family are enabling his behaviour by brushing it off and dismissing your concerns. I’m sure they will all feel differently when you respond with ‘Hello baldy or Hello beer belly’ or another insult.

You have a husband problem not a FIL problem.

Does "I'm pregnant but your a cunt" work?

My dad did this. They think they’re being funny with no malice in it, but at the same time it isn’t funny and its offensive.
the worst was my elderly fenale neighbour, a total busy body, and every time she saw me she’d snigger about my big bump like I looked silly. It really fucked me off.

Idiots like this worn learn or be told. Meet his behaviour head on, treating him how he treats you and go hard on it.

Hi fatty!…. “Hi baldy! At least once I have the baby I will be slim again, what you doing about that lack of hair then?”

This one op, do this one.

Yes, go hard. FIL I am pregnant not fat and spending too much energy ‘cooking’ a human to indulge your ignorant remarks. Give your mouth a rest!

Hello. You just need to tell him straight! Don't rely on anyone else, just tell him to pack it in next time he comments about your body.
I had a FIL who used to get everyone fetching and carrying, I told him just once to go and do it himself. It stood me in a good stead and he never barked orders at me again. Good luck OP