Father in law making rude comments in pregnancy

[Beula82]

FIL has form for being rude and it being laughed off without anyone pulling him up on it. I feel like this time he's gone too far.

Last pregnancy he repeatedly called me a "beached whale". Lots of laughter etc.

Now this pregnancy 7 months pregnant, feeling heavy and sensitive and hormonal. He greets me saying "hello fatty".

AIBU to say enough is enough and I'm not spending time with him unless he apologies and stops being so rude and thoughtless?

I think I would go with “Hello ignorant bully”, @Beula82. And when he denies being a bully, I’d ask him what he calls it when someone repeatedly makes hurtful and vicious comments to another person - “And if you carry on being a bully, FIL, you won’t be spending any unsupervised time with my children, because I want them to learn to be decent, kind people, and you are a terrible example for them!”

I think you need DH to handle this one for you. Get him to tell him it really upsets you and he needs to stop.

No, I'm not new to mums net, but was questioning it as a way of raising it, in the hope that the poster would respond. I'm sick of hearing it used in a derogatory way!
Some of the younger posters on here are very misinformed about how much many of us struggled in the past, and live in cloud cuckoo land about how 'easy' it was for many of our generation, particularly women.

Wow that's absolutely disgusting, especially as it's his grandchild you're growing. He needs to shut up and fast, needs to have some respect towards you! Hope you're ok OP.

Have you not called him out on it yourself? If he has always done this kind of thing and got away with it, it probably would not occur to him to stop unless someone - preferably you yourself - told him in no uncertain terms that it was rude, hurtful, insensitive and that you want him never to do it again. Do you have a problem generally with being assertive?

Do this, and if he continues, get DH to tell him that unless he desists he won't be seeing his grandchild when he/she is born. Get him to take this seriously.

What do you mean you "try" to shut it down? Are you firm enough with him? You've described enough about how everyone else handles it (laughter) but do you laugh along, or smile, if you're being honest?

Op is well within her rights to deal with the Fil as she sees fit
The husband should be telling his dad to pack it in and support his wife.

She is literally on here asking for advice on how to handle it and what to say to him.

Unbelievable that you tolerated that beyond the first time.
As for your husband allowimg him to be so rude to you, unbelievable.

Refuse to visit until you get the sincerest apology.
Hopefully he will refuse and you need not see him again.
A win.

"I am growing your grandchild. If you can't keep a civil tongue in your head, you won't be seeing your grandchildren. Goodbye!"

"Hello, ugly! Dear me, you've got less hair every time I see you. Haven't you had that mole looked at yet?". Or whatever applies.

I've already said upthread oh fuck off should suffice.

Your reply needs to be "I'm not fat, I'm pregnant with your Grandchild, who you won't be meeting unless you apologise and stop you're disrespectful comments."

You are carrying his grandchild but he shows you no respect

I think you need to be blunt in whichever way you feel necessary.

If that is hard for him then that is his problem

Just say fuck off and die. Then laugh or walk away. You have nothing to lose.

I wouldn’t respond with any insults. I’d say …

FiL, I have asked you multiple times not to speak to me like that.
My husband has asked you not to do so. Yet you persist. I have had enough. Why do you think it is funny to upset me?

Please leave our house / we’re leaving now and will note seeing you again until you can be kind and respectful. Right now you are being neither.

When MiL protests he is just making a joke you say…
We’ve said every time that this is not funny. No one is laughing. We have asked him not to speak about me like that. You hound be encouraging him to stop, not trying to excuse him.

I won't always be fat but you'll always be a twat.
Sorry fil can't you take a joke?
Tinkly laugh....

Don't invite him to your home and don't visit him at his. See MIL separately.

Why does the DH have to be the one who says something ?

The OP is more than capable of saying "For Gods sake Brian , I;m pregnant . I'm meant to put weight on, did you miss that bit in Biology"

My Dad would say to me "You're looking swell daughter" !

This!

either they are no longer invited and you don’t go there “we are unwilling to go places when Dad is so rude to wife”
or you respond In kind. so when FIL says “hello fatty” you calmly respond “are you always such a rude cu*t? Or just to me?”

He wouldn't be allowed in my home with those comments. And if your DH hasn't read him the riot act, I'd be asking him to go as well.

Honestly. Why are women just expected to put up with this bullshit from the men in their lives?

I'm open to being convinced, what shut down do you think would work for OP ?

Perish the thought that the Fil could just behave like a normal human being.
All the angst on this thread around one man🤮

You have a 'D'H problem. Any man I know would almost deck that lowlife piece of shit for making those comments, and walk away and never see him again. The fact that your husband still goes there says he is garbage. Sorry, but he is. Any man worth his salt would call it out, and walk away from them for good. The thing that you married is a gutless thing with no honour who won't defend his wife. This isn't about your FIL, this is about your husband not walking out and making a line in the sand.