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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

For not sharing my gluten free cake?

330 replies

mypantsareonfire · 08/02/2026 12:16

Okay, so I know I’m not - being coeliac sucks at the best of times, and especially where cake is involved. But I’m a bit “wtf” over it.

My children had a “surprise” birthday party for me with PIL, SIL and BIL and their children, and my best friend and her two children. I don’t celebrate my birthday but they wanted to do it, and It was very sweet of them.

Dh bought birthday cakes - a gluten free one for me and two larger, generic supermarket cakes for everyone else. I mean they look pretty much the same, the GF one just has a bit more buttercream and sprinkles on - aside from the gf one being smaller, twice the bloody price and not as nice tasting.

Cake time and dh starts cutting up the “normal cakes” for all the guests and handing it out. SIL asks if she can have some of the other cake, dh says, no, that’s the GF one, I’m just about to put it away for (me) to have later. He then puts it away in a cupboard (it had already been put back in the box for cross contamination purposes). My children wanted to put my candles on the GF for me to blow out, that’s the only reason it was out.

They all have some cake - I don’t yet, cake crumbs and 9 children eating biscuits and pizza, it’s a cross contamination nightmare until we’ve cleaned it all up.

We are all in the other part of the house having fun. SIL brings more cake out of the kitchen for her 4 children (see where this is going), it was the gf cake, big chunks of it. She said her children said it looked nicer and she wanted some. only they don’t like it. Of course they don’t, who would, given the choice. I don’t say anything though, just clear it aside.

She had also plonked it on the the same cutting board the non gluten free cake was on and used the same knife, so the bit she said she’d “saved” for me isn’t safe to eat anyway.

We don’t live on Albert square, so no drama ensued. But BIL (dh brother) took her into the kitchen and she came out in a complete huff, sitting on her own and dramatically sniffing and dabbing at her eyes. MIL asked her if she was okay, she wouldn’t speak. I said, “hey, are you okay?” (I had no idea BIL had said anythings about cake at this point), and she just stared daggers at me and walked off.

BIL took me aside and apologised to me and said he’d asked her what possessed her, she’d said the children thought it looked nicer than they caked they were offered. I tell him it’s really not a big deal, it’s only cake, please don’t worry about it and just enjoy the party.

Everyone left, all happy, apart from SIL who walked past me like I was invisible (remember, haven’t said a thing to her about it, and remember, I don’t fucking care, I’m not 5!)

Dh said he would pop out to Tesco to get another cake, I say don’t worry, I’ll have some another day, it’s not a big deal. A couple of hours later, BIL turns up with a new cake, apologises again, I say thank you, I appreciate it, but you really didn’t have to do that. All sorted, right?

Nope. SIL has told PIL and her family that she was made to feel very unwelcome in my home and that she won’t be seeing us again and nor will the children. That’s all she said to PIL, who of course asked me what had happened, I told them and they were like, “you should have bloody pulled her up on it yourself at the time!” MIL said she has told SIL she’s being ridiculous and said to me that it will all blow over soon. Which I am sure it will do.

Now, for background, SIL has often rolled her eyes or made comments when we have family events as I bring my own food, or prefer to eat later. I don’t expect anyone to cater for me, or to have to think about cross contamination, and no one else minds at all, they never have done. Me having a different cake, which she thought looked nicer as it had more butter cream on (to hide the shit, dry cake), was probably her tipping point.

Poor BIL now caught in the middle of this absolute non issue that I couldn’t have given a monkeys about anyway!

Like I said, there was no drama. I didn’t say a thing, it was her own husband who noticed, pulled her up on it, and apologised to me. I honestly would have just left it. It’s just a cake and I’m not 5.

I’m just going to wait for it all to blow over, but it’s bloody annoying, right?

OP posts:
ShetlandishMum · 08/02/2026 12:20

People around me and my family know how expensive a gf cake (and other gf stuff) is. They would never touch it.

I had gone mad if a cake was retrieved like this from my kitchen and served for children. She wouldn't be invited back for months. It's so out of respect.

damemaggiescurledupperlip · 08/02/2026 12:20

Put her out of your mind. She wants to cut contact, let her. BIL sounds a good egg - is he your DH’s brother?

Mootzler · 08/02/2026 12:21

SIL is an idiot, and everyone else knows it, even her DH. She sounds like one of those people who don't believe in food allergies because she's a twat.

mypantsareonfire · 08/02/2026 12:21

damemaggiescurledupperlip · 08/02/2026 12:20

Put her out of your mind. She wants to cut contact, let her. BIL sounds a good egg - is he your DH’s brother?

Yea he’s dh older brother. He’s lovely. He really shouldn’t have worried about it as much as he did.

OP posts:
damemaggiescurledupperlip · 08/02/2026 12:21

(I am both gf, and have a sister in law who can be extremely difficult. I feel your pain)

Brefugee · 08/02/2026 12:22

tbh? i am petty, vindictive and i anger easily.
She would have had that cake smushed in her face and told to leave.

You sound lovely, your BIL sounds lovely, your DH and kids sound lovely. Sil is, frankly, a bit of a cunt. Laugh at her. A lot.

mypantsareonfire · 08/02/2026 12:23

ShetlandishMum · 08/02/2026 12:20

People around me and my family know how expensive a gf cake (and other gf stuff) is. They would never touch it.

I had gone mad if a cake was retrieved like this from my kitchen and served for children. She wouldn't be invited back for months. It's so out of respect.

Edited

Even my own children know that if I ever buy GF cake or biscuits (very rarely), that is mine. Even when they are tiny they know that it’s the only thing I can eat safely.

I wasn’t going to cause an argument over it at a party though. But man, it sucks when people try to have some! They can eat literally anything- I can’t!

OP posts:
damemaggiescurledupperlip · 08/02/2026 12:24

Maybe your next birthday cake could feature your SIL’s face, with a little speech bubble…

’I can have your cake and not eat it’

WonderingWanda · 08/02/2026 12:25

She is so utterly entitled and unreasonable it's laughable. I suspect, underlying this is some deep seated jealousy. She perceives you as getting special treatment that she is missing out on and is unable to get past this.

If you ever see her again please feed her the shittest, driest gluten free bread, cakes and biscuits you can find and state that you don't want anyone feeling left out so you're all having the same (It will be worth the expense just to piss her off a little bit more).

ShetlandishMum · 08/02/2026 12:25

mypantsareonfire · 08/02/2026 12:23

Even my own children know that if I ever buy GF cake or biscuits (very rarely), that is mine. Even when they are tiny they know that it’s the only thing I can eat safely.

I wasn’t going to cause an argument over it at a party though. But man, it sucks when people try to have some! They can eat literally anything- I can’t!

I had told her off. She is rude and needs to know it's not okay. She was served cake. Hands off the gf.

Mitzyme · 08/02/2026 12:26

M&S have just brought out a GF Colin the Caterpillar cake. It’s delicious but pricey.

onetrickrockingpony · 08/02/2026 12:26

I’m sorry you didn’t get to eat your cake, OP.

It’s truly really nice to read a MN post where the in laws are so thoughtful, kind and supportive. We don’t get to hear stories about the good sort much.

Your SIL can get in the bin with the ruined cake though.

Vaxtable · 08/02/2026 12:26

Shes an idiot, and obviously doesn’t understand how ill it can make you, personally I would give her all the gory details so she gets it

that said next time get them to actually make you a gf cake. My friend is gf, horrific consequences if she eats any but she bakes her own cake and you absolutely can’t taste any difference to any other home made normal cake

AwfullyGood · 08/02/2026 12:27

Absolute selfish nonsense from your SIL but I'd give her the benefit of the doubt (I know that's generous but maybe she lacks intelligence) as a lot of people still don't understand what coeliac is and people following gluten free diets by choice rather than because they are coeliac confuses the issues.

From now on, I would stay saying "I'm just putting the gluten free cake away seperately as if there's any cross contmination, I'll get very sick. Hope everyone understands".

Pretty sure BIL has explained her stupidity and selfishness to her.

Barrenfieldoffucks · 08/02/2026 12:28

Regardless of anything else, you don't help yourself to food that has been put away in someone else's kitchen, when you've been told explicitly not to!

I wouldn't be martying myself to this point, and wouldn't be downplaying it to the point of making the others look unreasonable in their annoyance.

Cnidarian · 08/02/2026 12:28

Your BIL sounds great. YANBU obviously

PenelopeAsks · 08/02/2026 12:30

If she is like that in public wtaf is she like at home?

WinterCarlisle · 08/02/2026 12:34

Tbf, I think that her behaviour was outrageous even if the cake had not been GF or you having coeliac disease. She was incredibly rude to have done this in your house full stop.

The icing on the cake (sorry not sorry 😆) is the fact you’re coeliac: does she realise just how serious this is? That you’re not GF because of a “fad” (please note: I’m not casting shade on anyone GF without coeliac, just trying to ascertain if she’s dim or nasty) but GF because of a serious autoimmune condition? She either needs educating properly or a massively stern talking to.

Good on the rest of your family! The only person this reflects badly on is your SIL.

Mix56 · 08/02/2026 12:36

Hopefully BIL & PIL will tell her she was wrong, tell her to wind her neck in & clearly explain Gluten intolerance to her, its not just foible, its real, just because she cant see it, she doesnt believe in it)

Wakemeupinapril · 08/02/2026 12:37

Take it as a win she doesn't want to see you... Dh can see her and the dc should he choose..

bornintelligent · 08/02/2026 12:41

Mitzyme · 08/02/2026 12:26

M&S have just brought out a GF Colin the Caterpillar cake. It’s delicious but pricey.

My granddaughter is Coeliac and it will definitely be her next special occasion treat !
OP your SIL needs to be educated about cross contamination and cost of GF food.

mypantsareonfire · 08/02/2026 12:42

WinterCarlisle · 08/02/2026 12:34

Tbf, I think that her behaviour was outrageous even if the cake had not been GF or you having coeliac disease. She was incredibly rude to have done this in your house full stop.

The icing on the cake (sorry not sorry 😆) is the fact you’re coeliac: does she realise just how serious this is? That you’re not GF because of a “fad” (please note: I’m not casting shade on anyone GF without coeliac, just trying to ascertain if she’s dim or nasty) but GF because of a serious autoimmune condition? She either needs educating properly or a massively stern talking to.

Good on the rest of your family! The only person this reflects badly on is your SIL.

Yes. She’s often made comments over the years about my “diet”. I have told her it’s not a diet, I have an autoimmune disease.

I don’t make an issue of it at all. I happily take my own food.

It makes it more difficult as I was only diagnosed 6 years ago, at the age of 40. I didn’t have any symptoms before they suddenly onset out of the blue. I honestly thought I was dying just after I had my last baby - turned out after a lot of tests for horrendous things, that I am coeliac, which while it’s not ideal, was a hell of a lot better than the alternatives!

So I have had some issues with people saying I was fine before, why have I suddenly changed what I eat, how could I suddenly be coeliac over night? It’s like they don’t belive me that it’s for a medical reason, and that just being awkward.

OP posts:
mypantsareonfire · 08/02/2026 12:45

Mitzyme · 08/02/2026 12:26

M&S have just brought out a GF Colin the Caterpillar cake. It’s delicious but pricey.

My dh tried to hunt one down for me but they were always out of stock!

OP posts:
Bonkers1966 · 08/02/2026 12:46

Probably doesn't believe you are coeliac. Attention seeking bitch that she is.

bornintelligent · 08/02/2026 12:46

mypantsareonfire · 08/02/2026 12:42

Yes. She’s often made comments over the years about my “diet”. I have told her it’s not a diet, I have an autoimmune disease.

I don’t make an issue of it at all. I happily take my own food.

It makes it more difficult as I was only diagnosed 6 years ago, at the age of 40. I didn’t have any symptoms before they suddenly onset out of the blue. I honestly thought I was dying just after I had my last baby - turned out after a lot of tests for horrendous things, that I am coeliac, which while it’s not ideal, was a hell of a lot better than the alternatives!

So I have had some issues with people saying I was fine before, why have I suddenly changed what I eat, how could I suddenly be coeliac over night? It’s like they don’t belive me that it’s for a medical reason, and that just being awkward.

Edited

OP people are so ignorant aren’t they! It’s a rubbish life long condition that as you know affects the whole body,not just the gut . I really feel for you 💐

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