Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

For not sharing my gluten free cake?

330 replies

mypantsareonfire · 08/02/2026 12:16

Okay, so I know I’m not - being coeliac sucks at the best of times, and especially where cake is involved. But I’m a bit “wtf” over it.

My children had a “surprise” birthday party for me with PIL, SIL and BIL and their children, and my best friend and her two children. I don’t celebrate my birthday but they wanted to do it, and It was very sweet of them.

Dh bought birthday cakes - a gluten free one for me and two larger, generic supermarket cakes for everyone else. I mean they look pretty much the same, the GF one just has a bit more buttercream and sprinkles on - aside from the gf one being smaller, twice the bloody price and not as nice tasting.

Cake time and dh starts cutting up the “normal cakes” for all the guests and handing it out. SIL asks if she can have some of the other cake, dh says, no, that’s the GF one, I’m just about to put it away for (me) to have later. He then puts it away in a cupboard (it had already been put back in the box for cross contamination purposes). My children wanted to put my candles on the GF for me to blow out, that’s the only reason it was out.

They all have some cake - I don’t yet, cake crumbs and 9 children eating biscuits and pizza, it’s a cross contamination nightmare until we’ve cleaned it all up.

We are all in the other part of the house having fun. SIL brings more cake out of the kitchen for her 4 children (see where this is going), it was the gf cake, big chunks of it. She said her children said it looked nicer and she wanted some. only they don’t like it. Of course they don’t, who would, given the choice. I don’t say anything though, just clear it aside.

She had also plonked it on the the same cutting board the non gluten free cake was on and used the same knife, so the bit she said she’d “saved” for me isn’t safe to eat anyway.

We don’t live on Albert square, so no drama ensued. But BIL (dh brother) took her into the kitchen and she came out in a complete huff, sitting on her own and dramatically sniffing and dabbing at her eyes. MIL asked her if she was okay, she wouldn’t speak. I said, “hey, are you okay?” (I had no idea BIL had said anythings about cake at this point), and she just stared daggers at me and walked off.

BIL took me aside and apologised to me and said he’d asked her what possessed her, she’d said the children thought it looked nicer than they caked they were offered. I tell him it’s really not a big deal, it’s only cake, please don’t worry about it and just enjoy the party.

Everyone left, all happy, apart from SIL who walked past me like I was invisible (remember, haven’t said a thing to her about it, and remember, I don’t fucking care, I’m not 5!)

Dh said he would pop out to Tesco to get another cake, I say don’t worry, I’ll have some another day, it’s not a big deal. A couple of hours later, BIL turns up with a new cake, apologises again, I say thank you, I appreciate it, but you really didn’t have to do that. All sorted, right?

Nope. SIL has told PIL and her family that she was made to feel very unwelcome in my home and that she won’t be seeing us again and nor will the children. That’s all she said to PIL, who of course asked me what had happened, I told them and they were like, “you should have bloody pulled her up on it yourself at the time!” MIL said she has told SIL she’s being ridiculous and said to me that it will all blow over soon. Which I am sure it will do.

Now, for background, SIL has often rolled her eyes or made comments when we have family events as I bring my own food, or prefer to eat later. I don’t expect anyone to cater for me, or to have to think about cross contamination, and no one else minds at all, they never have done. Me having a different cake, which she thought looked nicer as it had more butter cream on (to hide the shit, dry cake), was probably her tipping point.

Poor BIL now caught in the middle of this absolute non issue that I couldn’t have given a monkeys about anyway!

Like I said, there was no drama. I didn’t say a thing, it was her own husband who noticed, pulled her up on it, and apologised to me. I honestly would have just left it. It’s just a cake and I’m not 5.

I’m just going to wait for it all to blow over, but it’s bloody annoying, right?

OP posts:
FeelingALittleWoozyHere · 08/02/2026 20:46

OP you sound amazing and handled it way better than I would. Your SIL is batshit and incredibly rude. Hopefully you can manage to get the kids together whilst avoiding her 🙏

LoveWine123 · 08/02/2026 20:51

mypantsareonfire · 08/02/2026 15:50

But I’m just not like that.

I’m not a walkover -
I just can’t be arsed. I don’t react. It’s how I am as a person. I can only control how I react to people. People do things to provoke reaction. I don’t give it.

I’ve had more than my fair share of awful things happen in life, other people are generally of no concern to me.

If she hadn’t involved PIL and stared on about no contact, it would never have been mentioned again. That’s the thing that has actually made me think what the fuck is she playing at.

Nerves of steel. I really admire that and I wish I was more like you. I react quite emotionally on many occasions, big and small and I really don’t like it.

MJagain · 08/02/2026 20:54

mypantsareonfire · 08/02/2026 12:21

Yea he’s dh older brother. He’s lovely. He really shouldn’t have worried about it as much as he did.

Well, he kind of should. He’s the one most in the right here. Fair play to him for calling her out and replacing the cake.

You are coming across as a bit of a matyr here. Yes I know it’s only cake, but she WAS far far in the wrong and actually it would be fine to be annoyed with her. Why are you pussy footing around her worrying about what she thinks? It sounds like she’s been an absolute bitch to you for years. You don’t have to put up with it.

HelenaWaiting · 08/02/2026 20:55

Honeysucklelane · 08/02/2026 17:10

Crikey that’s awful abusive behaviour, she could kill someone one day by setting out to prove they aren’t intolerant or allergic to something. What an utter witch!

Your MIL should have told your DH the moment she found out what happened. It was neglectful to wait.

I’m vegetarian and don’t eat fish, so I was pissed off my DM hid anchovies in a pasta sauce once - but at least it wouldn’t make me ill.

Actually, it's assault.

Honeysucklelane · 08/02/2026 21:09

HelenaWaiting · 08/02/2026 20:55

Actually, it's assault.

😱crikey, yes it is. I didn’t think of that. Terrifying members of your own (extended) family could purposefully sabotage your food to ‘prove’ something.

Sowhat1976 · 08/02/2026 21:21

SIL was rude, entitled,selfish and disrespectful. She could have eaten anything else. You could only eat that one thing and she contaminated it for you. You were very gracious not to mention it or make a scene amd the she still has the cheek to create drama where there wasn't any. I'd say nothing. If she wants to punish her own kids by stopping them seeing their cousins that's her business. You haven done anything wrong at all except entertain the rude mare.

My mum is allergic to wheat, fish, prawns, nuts, cats, dogs, dust mites and lots of types of pollen. It's sudden onset and very recent. She has to carry 2 epipens everywhere. It's bloody scary, expensive and very easy to make mistakes. I brought ice cream the other day and didn't think of the bloody cone. She washed the kids and didn't realise that there eas oats in the body wash. It's very hard to navigate.

Monochroming · 08/02/2026 21:35

She's the cheekiest of CFs I've ever heard of - helping herself to the one cake she was told was out of bounds in the first place. But crying, ignoring people and acting like a petulant child when called out on it, is just cringe!!

Bunny44 · 08/02/2026 21:46

TheLemonOtter · 08/02/2026 20:43

I was replying to the poster earlier who implied that baking gf at home was very expensive (tell me you don't run a gf household) - sorry, thought my reference made that clear but should have quoted.

Yes my mum is gluten free and she makes most stuff from scratch and agree with what you wrote - I just couldn't join the dots with the OP. Makes sense now.

JustMerelyHere · 08/02/2026 21:47

What a nightmare. Have close family who are coeliac and it's hard enough without unnecessary drama like this. I don't know what it is that makes people not believe in it when peanut allergy seems well believed.

SkylarkKitten · 08/02/2026 22:02

My son is a coeliac and I can see how much he suffers, even with a GF diet. I would be absolutely livid if anyone dismissed concerns or took his food in the manner you've described.

It's not just the cake, its the whole attitude of your SIL. I'm pleased to see your BIL pulled her up on it and did his best to ensure you didn't miss out. I also understand why you didn't say anything to her.

Families eh? There's always one....!

Happy belated birthday x

assignmentsites · 08/02/2026 22:32

Gosh that’s crap. My daughter has coeliac. She’s had it since she was very young and for the most part it’s been fine but sometimes people do think she’s attention seeking etc. She has started uni and has acquired a boyfriend there. I was worried for her going to his house to stay but his parents have been so kind. They bought a gf cook book and made her brownies. Got her her own breakfast cereal and a choice of pastas and some gf biscuits for Christmas. I’ve not met them yet but on the off chance his mum is on this - thank you! Your sister in law sounds a total pain!

Cyclistmumgrandma · 08/02/2026 22:47

Most of the time, if my nephew is eating with us, I really can't be bothered to worry about cross contamination so we all just eat a gluten free meal. If we have the wider family, they all understand the problems and his gf stuff goes on a surface on the other side of the kitchen and he is asked to help himself to communal dishes like salad first so we all know they have not yet been contaminated. He has his own, non shared spreads. It's really not that hard.

AccidentalPrawnYouFool · 08/02/2026 22:50

Trivium4all · 08/02/2026 20:23

Is there a need to be so snarky? I was talking about my cousin's daughter, baking cakes for a special occasion, in her mum's very much gluten-free household (you don't seem to have read my first point, in which I explain that coeliac disease runs in that side of the family). The OP has repeatedly said that she doesn't tend to eat substitute-type of products, but makes an exception for cake on her birthday. I was challenging your assertion that such a cake, specifically (not the entire diet!), has to be "prohibitively expensive", by demonstrating that recipes exist that will yield a lovely cake for not much more than baking a flour-based cake, and definitely less than a shop-bought gluten-free cake of similar quality.

Fair! My apologies. It’s hard to perfect GF cakes that are comparable to the wheat variety, in my experience. The supermarket ones are inferior, which is what the OP was talking about. Supermarket bread, cakes, biscuits etc are all extortionate too. Hikes the food shop cost up massively even if you try for a naturally GF kitchen without the shop bought crap x

Trivium4all · 08/02/2026 22:59

AccidentalPrawnYouFool · 08/02/2026 22:50

Fair! My apologies. It’s hard to perfect GF cakes that are comparable to the wheat variety, in my experience. The supermarket ones are inferior, which is what the OP was talking about. Supermarket bread, cakes, biscuits etc are all extortionate too. Hikes the food shop cost up massively even if you try for a naturally GF kitchen without the shop bought crap x

I hear you, and even though the selection available in supermarkets has improved a lot over the last decade or so, it still has a ways to go!

HeisseWeisseSchokolade · 08/02/2026 23:18

I hope the obnoxious twat of a SIL follows through on her threat and never darkens your door again.

HeisseWeisseSchokolade · 08/02/2026 23:23

On a separate note - ground hazelnut or almond make for pretty decent flour substitute. Also in Corsica they make cake with chestnut flour. I've tried it, it's delicious.

BuildbyNumbere · 09/02/2026 15:10

Regardless of the whole GF issue I’d be more annoyed that she was going into my cupboards and helping herself.

Emmz1510 · 09/02/2026 16:31

My dad is gluten free. When we have gatherings the host always includes some GF food. If anyone fancies something GF they just help themselves. It’s only food at the end of the day and I think it’s good that this stuff is normalised. As long as other people arent leaving the the GF person without enough to eat! My dad only has GF food in his house (he lives alone since mum died a year ago) and the kids will happily eat his snacks if they are over there although he will take them out specifically to buy a treat they like. My daughter loves the GF pizza garlic bread he buys. So i do tend to think the cake could have been made available to all (after putting a sizeable majority away for you of course!) But as you say, you didn’t care anyway and it was someone else creating the issue! I would be seriously pissed at the lack of care over cross contamination though.
Just leave it well enough alone for now. Sil is being a massive baby. No doubt it will blow over. If the discussion arises with her, remind her that it wasn’t you who raised the issue but care does need to be taken with food preparation and handling.

OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 09/02/2026 16:42

BuildbyNumbere · 09/02/2026 15:10

Regardless of the whole GF issue I’d be more annoyed that she was going into my cupboards and helping herself.

Yep, this. And because her kids had looked at the cake and thought they were missing out on extra buttercream and sprinkles. Indulged, entitled little monkeys and she’s a rude cow.

Mamagill67 · 09/02/2026 16:50

Let her stew, she’s upset that your special cake isn’t as special as she thought and she’s been caught out. My cousin is coeliac and we would never touch her cake- like you say it’s dry and not like normal cake. Who would do something like that? Especially that sneaky?!!

GFBurger · 09/02/2026 18:03

Just had to comment for soldiarity of course!

You have been remarkably chill considering if was your birthday cake. On my birthday I make them all eat GF. Pay back for having to smile and watch them all eat gluteney cake on their birthday’s!

I do hope the replacement cake was a GF Colin!

Jllllllll · 09/02/2026 18:12

Wrong on so many levels! You don’t go into someone’s cupboards and help yourself to things. You don’t eat food specifically bought for someone else’s dietary needs and you don’t then plonk it in the crumbs of a gluten cake! My son is coeliac and I would have been bloody furious if that had happened in my house. Selfish cow needs to get over herself, stop sulking, accept she was in the wrong and apologise. Good on your BIL for pulling her up on it and then buying another cake.

Liondoesntsleepatnight · 09/02/2026 19:02

If something similar happens an again then offer the remains for them to take home, point out that because it’s contaminated it would make you ill.

Doone22 · 09/02/2026 19:52

As a fellow coeliac I would go out of my way to present her with gluten free biscuits at every opportunity and put her in the position of having to be polite and eat them. The ultimate revenge.

longtompot · 10/02/2026 11:30

Emmz1510 · 09/02/2026 16:31

My dad is gluten free. When we have gatherings the host always includes some GF food. If anyone fancies something GF they just help themselves. It’s only food at the end of the day and I think it’s good that this stuff is normalised. As long as other people arent leaving the the GF person without enough to eat! My dad only has GF food in his house (he lives alone since mum died a year ago) and the kids will happily eat his snacks if they are over there although he will take them out specifically to buy a treat they like. My daughter loves the GF pizza garlic bread he buys. So i do tend to think the cake could have been made available to all (after putting a sizeable majority away for you of course!) But as you say, you didn’t care anyway and it was someone else creating the issue! I would be seriously pissed at the lack of care over cross contamination though.
Just leave it well enough alone for now. Sil is being a massive baby. No doubt it will blow over. If the discussion arises with her, remind her that it wasn’t you who raised the issue but care does need to be taken with food preparation and handling.

Edited

But the sil did leave the OP with none to eat as she cut the cake with the knife used for the gluten cake, and then they didn't eat the gf cake as they didn't like it! It made the rest of the cake unsafe for OP to eat.

My dd is allergic to dairy and also has a gluten intolerance. It was tricky in the beginning to find things suitable for her to eat, but free from foods have come a long way. I generally make everything from scratch, and 9 times out of 10 the whole meal will be gf and df. I am, however, looking into separate utensils to just use for dds food, and saw on the chef website Nisbets, that they do a purple range specifically for this purpose.