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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

For not sharing my gluten free cake?

330 replies

mypantsareonfire · 08/02/2026 12:16

Okay, so I know I’m not - being coeliac sucks at the best of times, and especially where cake is involved. But I’m a bit “wtf” over it.

My children had a “surprise” birthday party for me with PIL, SIL and BIL and their children, and my best friend and her two children. I don’t celebrate my birthday but they wanted to do it, and It was very sweet of them.

Dh bought birthday cakes - a gluten free one for me and two larger, generic supermarket cakes for everyone else. I mean they look pretty much the same, the GF one just has a bit more buttercream and sprinkles on - aside from the gf one being smaller, twice the bloody price and not as nice tasting.

Cake time and dh starts cutting up the “normal cakes” for all the guests and handing it out. SIL asks if she can have some of the other cake, dh says, no, that’s the GF one, I’m just about to put it away for (me) to have later. He then puts it away in a cupboard (it had already been put back in the box for cross contamination purposes). My children wanted to put my candles on the GF for me to blow out, that’s the only reason it was out.

They all have some cake - I don’t yet, cake crumbs and 9 children eating biscuits and pizza, it’s a cross contamination nightmare until we’ve cleaned it all up.

We are all in the other part of the house having fun. SIL brings more cake out of the kitchen for her 4 children (see where this is going), it was the gf cake, big chunks of it. She said her children said it looked nicer and she wanted some. only they don’t like it. Of course they don’t, who would, given the choice. I don’t say anything though, just clear it aside.

She had also plonked it on the the same cutting board the non gluten free cake was on and used the same knife, so the bit she said she’d “saved” for me isn’t safe to eat anyway.

We don’t live on Albert square, so no drama ensued. But BIL (dh brother) took her into the kitchen and she came out in a complete huff, sitting on her own and dramatically sniffing and dabbing at her eyes. MIL asked her if she was okay, she wouldn’t speak. I said, “hey, are you okay?” (I had no idea BIL had said anythings about cake at this point), and she just stared daggers at me and walked off.

BIL took me aside and apologised to me and said he’d asked her what possessed her, she’d said the children thought it looked nicer than they caked they were offered. I tell him it’s really not a big deal, it’s only cake, please don’t worry about it and just enjoy the party.

Everyone left, all happy, apart from SIL who walked past me like I was invisible (remember, haven’t said a thing to her about it, and remember, I don’t fucking care, I’m not 5!)

Dh said he would pop out to Tesco to get another cake, I say don’t worry, I’ll have some another day, it’s not a big deal. A couple of hours later, BIL turns up with a new cake, apologises again, I say thank you, I appreciate it, but you really didn’t have to do that. All sorted, right?

Nope. SIL has told PIL and her family that she was made to feel very unwelcome in my home and that she won’t be seeing us again and nor will the children. That’s all she said to PIL, who of course asked me what had happened, I told them and they were like, “you should have bloody pulled her up on it yourself at the time!” MIL said she has told SIL she’s being ridiculous and said to me that it will all blow over soon. Which I am sure it will do.

Now, for background, SIL has often rolled her eyes or made comments when we have family events as I bring my own food, or prefer to eat later. I don’t expect anyone to cater for me, or to have to think about cross contamination, and no one else minds at all, they never have done. Me having a different cake, which she thought looked nicer as it had more butter cream on (to hide the shit, dry cake), was probably her tipping point.

Poor BIL now caught in the middle of this absolute non issue that I couldn’t have given a monkeys about anyway!

Like I said, there was no drama. I didn’t say a thing, it was her own husband who noticed, pulled her up on it, and apologised to me. I honestly would have just left it. It’s just a cake and I’m not 5.

I’m just going to wait for it all to blow over, but it’s bloody annoying, right?

OP posts:
Getupat8amnow · 08/02/2026 14:53

I was very ill as soon as I was weaned. Within a couple of months I was diagnosed with Coeliac Disease. My mum was a master at making meals and puddings for me that were gluten free decades before Coeliac Disease was well known. I am in my fifties now. In those days my mum got lots of my GF food on prescription, that has stopped now. Many people think anyone GF is following a fad and dont understand just how ill I become if I inadvertently ingest gluten. Sometimes foods that were GF suddenly contain gluten. I always loved HP sauce when I had chips (homemade) until one teatime I had my meal and was soon very unwell from both ends. It turned out that HP sauce was no.longer GF asthe ingredients had been changed. This was decades ago now but I was so disappointed at the time.

My mum made excellent GF cakes. Buttercream icing and Juvella GF flour. Mygravy was always thickened with cornflour and made with a bovril cube as it is GF. Coeliac Disease is life long and can have very serious long term consequences if you dont stick to a GF diet completely.

bornintelligent · 08/02/2026 14:56

nothingtoseehereatall · 08/02/2026 14:47

My god she's awful. Wilfully risking the potential to make you really ill like that... it's awful!

I have a really good friend who is Coeliac. I like to host people so quite often have a bunch of folks around, including her. I always make the entire menu GF because that way she can have all the same options as everyone else without having to worry about it. Not saying that to blow my own trumpet, its just surely what you do for friends you love - and would do the same for family of course!

(Dove's Farm GF flour is great for baking, I don't think you can tell the difference! I think GF brownies I make are better than the 'normal' ones, something about the flour suits them perfectly. )

I agree . I baked an amazing sponge for my granddaughter birthday cake using Doves SR flour.

lilacleopards · 08/02/2026 14:57

Absolutely not. I breastfeed my daughter who is anaphylactic to dairy, so I don’t eat any dairy products. Everyone knows I do not share my dairy free stuff! Get your own 🤣

fyllnadspenna · 08/02/2026 14:57

mypantsareonfire · 08/02/2026 14:44

Yeah but that’s the mental part.

I could understand if I had said anything to her. Or if dh had. Neither of us said a thing. We just wanted to have a nice, stress free day.

It was her own husband who took her aside and asked what the hell she was thinking. To turn that into being made to feel unwelcome in our home is outrageous!

We both ignored it to not cause a scene or any upset.

Yes, logically you weren't at all to blame, but in her mind you were the root cause of her embarrassment over her husband's 'little talk' to her. It sounds like she already (bizarrely) resented you for your special dietary needs, and now she's angry that her husband spoke to her about it and went to the trouble of replacing your cake. It doesn't make sense, of course, but she probably still blames you for the results of her own strange behaviour.

Miss1983 · 08/02/2026 14:58

Bravo to your brother for standing up for you and speaking to her without any prompt from you. You handled it well-she doesn't understand the seriousness of your condition and is an idiot. I'd love to see how she would cope if one of her children had a serious intolerance or allergy, seems like she is also an attention seeker. Keep it cordial and be thankful your family can call her out on such foolish behaviour and see what she is about

Nincompoo · 08/02/2026 15:00

She sounds like a right twat.

SamphiretheTervosaur · 08/02/2026 15:01

mypantsareonfire · 08/02/2026 13:01

Ah, the dreaded stock cube!!

When I was first diagnosed and dd was a baby, MIL wanted to make me a casserole. She’d gone to so much trouble scrubbing down her kitchen, making sure everything was ok. Then she popped in a stock cube, double checked and then saw it contained barley. She was gutted!

I have come very close to doing that to DSis - and she trusts me implicitly to cook for her

She too wasn't Dx until in her 40s. Its not unusual, apparently.

Your SIL does indeed sound childishly jealous of your having 'a thing' people think about because they care about you. You will NEVER be able to trust her

Mine is know as PoisonousSIL. She once set put to prove my intolerance to dark chocolate was fake by making a beautiful chilli con carne with a hefty portion in it

I was out for days with a killer migraine, had my GP following up to ensure it wasn't something else, something far nastier. MIL finally prised the truth out of her Golden Boy, husband of PoisonousSIL, though it took her 4 or 5 days to get round to telling her other son, my frantically worried DH

Sometimes you come across such insane peiple and all you can do is guard yourself extremely carefully around them ❤️

G00dnightJimBob · 08/02/2026 15:02

To solve the problem...just make GF cakes every time! Fuck em all

ProfessorTeapot · 08/02/2026 15:02

BlueEyedBogWitch · 08/02/2026 14:06

There are no words for your SIL. Outrageous behaviour. Your other ILs sound fab though.

I’m GF (sister is diagnosed coeliac, but I haven’t bothered because I don’t want to go back on gluten for four weeks in order to be diagnosed) and a friend’s coeliac mum put me onto Juvela White Mix for baking. It’s the only gf flour I’ve ever used that works well. I make a Victoria Sponge using Juvela, eggs, sugar, gf baking powder and marge, and you honestly wouldn’t know.

I have to buy it on eBay or Amazon because it’s prescription-only, but it’s worth the expense to be able to make something genuinely pleasant that doesn’t need weird ingredients and doesn’t go dry in a day.

I’ve made the orange cake linked above a few times, and it’s beautiful. There’s an Italian chocolate and hazelnut cake that’s naturally gluten-free that’s also amazing.

Edited

My husband couldn’t face going back on gluten either which is what the NHS GP insisted he had to do for 8 weeks in order to get a diagnosis.

He was then able to get a genetic test from a private GP which proved what he’d already worked out by elimination. The NHS GP then accepted that result and it’s now on his notes. It wasn’t cheap but worthwhile in his case.
We are all very careful now about his food. I bake his bread and we usually only eat recipes that wouldn’t have gluten in anyway. We have a gluten free flour blend for when it’s essential but cakes that are primarily ground almonds and eggs are delicious.

SconehengeRevenge · 08/02/2026 15:03

Who is the 1% who think the op is unreasonable???? 😲

NettleTea · 08/02/2026 15:04

TheSpottedZebra · 08/02/2026 12:48

I understand her point. You were getting all the attention, and it's just not fair.
What else was she to do?

i know. she already had to put up with the fact it was your birthday

dapsnotplimsolls · 08/02/2026 15:05

SconehengeRevenge · 08/02/2026 15:03

Who is the 1% who think the op is unreasonable???? 😲

Cakegate SIL voting on different devices.

HighStreetOtter · 08/02/2026 15:06

Your SIL is beyond rude and entitled. She shouldn’t be helping herself to any food in your house never mind gluten free stuff for a coeliac. Especially when she has no idea absolutely cross contamination (or how expensive gf stuff is). What an arse she is.

dapsnotplimsolls · 08/02/2026 15:06

mypantsareonfire · 08/02/2026 14:44

Yeah but that’s the mental part.

I could understand if I had said anything to her. Or if dh had. Neither of us said a thing. We just wanted to have a nice, stress free day.

It was her own husband who took her aside and asked what the hell she was thinking. To turn that into being made to feel unwelcome in our home is outrageous!

We both ignored it to not cause a scene or any upset.

She's turned you into the Big Baddie because that's easier than blaming her DH.

ItsNotMeEither · 08/02/2026 15:08

Someone voted that you ARE being unreasonable. I guess your SIL IS on MN then. 😜

amusedbush · 08/02/2026 15:09

mypantsareonfire · 08/02/2026 14:28

Yeah, she can be a bit of a dick. She’s only made a few comments to me, but I’ve not had much as I am pretty unshakable to be honest. I never react, mainly because I can’t be arsed with arguments and drama. If someone wants to be a dick to me, that’s fine. I chose not to react. They usually get bored.

Dh has another sister who that SIL has caused trouble with. She won’t attend things that cake gate SIL is at, she’s like me and doesn’t like arguments so stays away from the goading.

Your BIL sounds lovely and it's great that he's willing to pull her up on her poor behaviour. Nonetheless, it's odd that he married (and remains married to) a woman who is such a prick to his family. Has she always been like this?

You are much more calm and collected than I am, OP, because she would have been wearing the fucking cake if she tried that in my house!

stichguru · 08/02/2026 15:15

Sorry I think you just have to accept that you SIL behaves worse then most 2 year olds!

HildaBWilderbeast · 08/02/2026 15:16

Hello @mypantsareonfire . Completely off topic but I have recently made a cake with gluten free flour and it wasn't shit and in fact I think I might prefer it. Would you like the recipe?

Mapletree1985 · 08/02/2026 15:16

It's such a shame when people drag their kids into these 'I'm going to cut all contact!" dramas. SIL sounds like a piece of work. More difficult, I think, will be getting BIL to understand his role in blowing this out of proportion.

Queenoftartts · 08/02/2026 15:19

MrsLizzieDarcy · 08/02/2026 14:25

Given it was your birthday OP, it wouldn't have been unreasonable to have catered the whole thing gluten free. Then you can have a day off stressing about contamination. It's not a food fad, it's a serious disease that can do massive damage inside if the right diet isn't followed. I actually think you're being far too passive about this, she had no right at all to serve her kids that cake.

There would be a lot of waste if they did that. Most processed GF food is horrible as they found out when the kids didn’t like the cake. My SIL is celiac she just doesn’t eat bread because she says the GF tastes disgusting. DB did mention about buying her a bread maker but she said she wouldn’t use it. The only bought GF food she likes are some sausage rolls from Asda and some biscuits. Even GF cakes in cafes she won’t risk because of cross contamination. She eats mostly food that is naturally GF.

igelkott2026 · 08/02/2026 15:19

Mootzler · 08/02/2026 12:21

SIL is an idiot, and everyone else knows it, even her DH. She sounds like one of those people who don't believe in food allergies because she's a twat.

Yep. How old is she? Clearly never grown up beyond primary school playground drama queen. I bet she's the sort of mother I always tried to avoid at school pick-up. At least your BIL is sensible and kind.

igelkott2026 · 08/02/2026 15:20

Mapletree1985 · 08/02/2026 15:16

It's such a shame when people drag their kids into these 'I'm going to cut all contact!" dramas. SIL sounds like a piece of work. More difficult, I think, will be getting BIL to understand his role in blowing this out of proportion.

Why did he blow it out of proportion? He told her she'd made a mistake. Is he not allowed to do that?

The appropriate response on her part would have been "oh my god, I am such a idiot. So sorry" .

mypantsareonfire · 08/02/2026 15:20

amusedbush · 08/02/2026 15:09

Your BIL sounds lovely and it's great that he's willing to pull her up on her poor behaviour. Nonetheless, it's odd that he married (and remains married to) a woman who is such a prick to his family. Has she always been like this?

You are much more calm and collected than I am, OP, because she would have been wearing the fucking cake if she tried that in my house!

They are all quite easy going. PIL are just lovely. Their children and grandchildren are thier everything, so they don’t rock the boat. When MIL said she’d told SIL that she was being ridiculous, we were really shocked!

PIL tend to not get involved unless they are involved directly- like now when SIL told them she would be having no contact with us, they had no idea about the cake thing, which is why they asked me for my side as the were upset about the grandchildren potentially seeing each other.

Other SIL just can’t be arsed with her.

Dh keeps her at arms length to be honest, like his sister does. She lives a few hours away though, and doesn’t have children, so it’s easier for her.

I get on well with BIL, he’s great fun, but dh has only spoken to SIL when he has to. In the 17 years I’ve been with him, he’s never had a one on one conversation with her, he finds her quite snobby (she always wants to be one up on everyone, they are quite well off, but BIL is very humble and far less show offish - PIL and dh and his sister are all the same).

OP posts:
girljulian · 08/02/2026 15:21

What a cow!

I am coeliac and I find that the only kind of cake that can be made gf without it being vile is carrot cake.

tinyspiny · 08/02/2026 15:26

@mypantsareonfire just to say unless you’ve tried the usual M&S gf cakes I wouldn’t bother to splurge on the Colin , my coeliac daughter doesn’t like the usual M&S cakes , my sister found a Colin for her and she didn’t like it at all so my non coeliac husband has eaten him . Nobody eats the gf cakes / biscuits in our house unless the coeliac has said they can . Your SIL is an idiot .