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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

For not sharing my gluten free cake?

330 replies

mypantsareonfire · 08/02/2026 12:16

Okay, so I know I’m not - being coeliac sucks at the best of times, and especially where cake is involved. But I’m a bit “wtf” over it.

My children had a “surprise” birthday party for me with PIL, SIL and BIL and their children, and my best friend and her two children. I don’t celebrate my birthday but they wanted to do it, and It was very sweet of them.

Dh bought birthday cakes - a gluten free one for me and two larger, generic supermarket cakes for everyone else. I mean they look pretty much the same, the GF one just has a bit more buttercream and sprinkles on - aside from the gf one being smaller, twice the bloody price and not as nice tasting.

Cake time and dh starts cutting up the “normal cakes” for all the guests and handing it out. SIL asks if she can have some of the other cake, dh says, no, that’s the GF one, I’m just about to put it away for (me) to have later. He then puts it away in a cupboard (it had already been put back in the box for cross contamination purposes). My children wanted to put my candles on the GF for me to blow out, that’s the only reason it was out.

They all have some cake - I don’t yet, cake crumbs and 9 children eating biscuits and pizza, it’s a cross contamination nightmare until we’ve cleaned it all up.

We are all in the other part of the house having fun. SIL brings more cake out of the kitchen for her 4 children (see where this is going), it was the gf cake, big chunks of it. She said her children said it looked nicer and she wanted some. only they don’t like it. Of course they don’t, who would, given the choice. I don’t say anything though, just clear it aside.

She had also plonked it on the the same cutting board the non gluten free cake was on and used the same knife, so the bit she said she’d “saved” for me isn’t safe to eat anyway.

We don’t live on Albert square, so no drama ensued. But BIL (dh brother) took her into the kitchen and she came out in a complete huff, sitting on her own and dramatically sniffing and dabbing at her eyes. MIL asked her if she was okay, she wouldn’t speak. I said, “hey, are you okay?” (I had no idea BIL had said anythings about cake at this point), and she just stared daggers at me and walked off.

BIL took me aside and apologised to me and said he’d asked her what possessed her, she’d said the children thought it looked nicer than they caked they were offered. I tell him it’s really not a big deal, it’s only cake, please don’t worry about it and just enjoy the party.

Everyone left, all happy, apart from SIL who walked past me like I was invisible (remember, haven’t said a thing to her about it, and remember, I don’t fucking care, I’m not 5!)

Dh said he would pop out to Tesco to get another cake, I say don’t worry, I’ll have some another day, it’s not a big deal. A couple of hours later, BIL turns up with a new cake, apologises again, I say thank you, I appreciate it, but you really didn’t have to do that. All sorted, right?

Nope. SIL has told PIL and her family that she was made to feel very unwelcome in my home and that she won’t be seeing us again and nor will the children. That’s all she said to PIL, who of course asked me what had happened, I told them and they were like, “you should have bloody pulled her up on it yourself at the time!” MIL said she has told SIL she’s being ridiculous and said to me that it will all blow over soon. Which I am sure it will do.

Now, for background, SIL has often rolled her eyes or made comments when we have family events as I bring my own food, or prefer to eat later. I don’t expect anyone to cater for me, or to have to think about cross contamination, and no one else minds at all, they never have done. Me having a different cake, which she thought looked nicer as it had more butter cream on (to hide the shit, dry cake), was probably her tipping point.

Poor BIL now caught in the middle of this absolute non issue that I couldn’t have given a monkeys about anyway!

Like I said, there was no drama. I didn’t say a thing, it was her own husband who noticed, pulled her up on it, and apologised to me. I honestly would have just left it. It’s just a cake and I’m not 5.

I’m just going to wait for it all to blow over, but it’s bloody annoying, right?

OP posts:
TheSpottedZebra · 08/02/2026 12:48

I understand her point. You were getting all the attention, and it's just not fair.
What else was she to do?

socialdilemmawhattodo · 08/02/2026 12:48

WonderingWanda · 08/02/2026 12:25

She is so utterly entitled and unreasonable it's laughable. I suspect, underlying this is some deep seated jealousy. She perceives you as getting special treatment that she is missing out on and is unable to get past this.

If you ever see her again please feed her the shittest, driest gluten free bread, cakes and biscuits you can find and state that you don't want anyone feeling left out so you're all having the same (It will be worth the expense just to piss her off a little bit more).

This is a brilliant idea! So politely passive aggressive!

ShetlandishMum · 08/02/2026 12:49

TheSpottedZebra · 08/02/2026 12:48

I understand her point. You were getting all the attention, and it's just not fair.
What else was she to do?

Are you for real?

Sallysushine · 08/02/2026 12:50

I'm coeliac and this would make me MAD! She definitely sounds like one of those who thinks being GF is a choice! I'm similar to you and diagnosed in my late 30s, I was asymptomatic. I've had a lot of curt comments so feel your pain. People generally shut up when I mention it's an autoimmune disease.

Figcherry · 08/02/2026 12:50

My aunt wasn’t diagnosed until she was in her 50’s although she often suffered with digestive issues.
Just a stock cube in a casserole could make her very ill.
Your dsil is wilfully ignorant imo.

Wakemeupinapril · 08/02/2026 12:51

Think sarcasm has been missed...

AwfullyGood · 08/02/2026 13:01

With this type there will always be a next time. Have something prepared to say that will stop her for once and for all.

"Linda, every single time you decide to cross contaminate my GF food, I end up in the bathroom for the 3 days - severe stomach craps, vomiting and diarrhea, not to mention the long term impact.

Why do you keep doing it?

Apologies to everyone else for being so detailed but I've spent 6 years trying to get Linda to understand the impacts of an autoimmune disease and cross contamination and she continues on regardless. Being coeliac is difficult enough without having to deal with this selfish behaviour."

mypantsareonfire · 08/02/2026 13:01

Figcherry · 08/02/2026 12:50

My aunt wasn’t diagnosed until she was in her 50’s although she often suffered with digestive issues.
Just a stock cube in a casserole could make her very ill.
Your dsil is wilfully ignorant imo.

Ah, the dreaded stock cube!!

When I was first diagnosed and dd was a baby, MIL wanted to make me a casserole. She’d gone to so much trouble scrubbing down her kitchen, making sure everything was ok. Then she popped in a stock cube, double checked and then saw it contained barley. She was gutted!

OP posts:
OriginalUsername2 · 08/02/2026 13:05

She’s ridiculous. Everyone knows it, including your lovely BIL. Don’t let it upset you. Some people are just difficult!

honeylulu · 08/02/2026 13:09

I'm glad SIL was called out. I think it's clear she didn't make an innocent/thoughtless mistake. She took umbrage at being asked not to do something so decided to do it anyway. I suspect she was also trying to teach you a lesson about your "silly diet".

Upset about feeling unwelcome in your house? Fair enough. If someone came to my house and acted like a cunt they wouldn't be welcome so why is that a surprise?

BIL sounds cool. I like him.

SeraphinaGia · 08/02/2026 13:12

TheSpottedZebra · 08/02/2026 12:48

I understand her point. You were getting all the attention, and it's just not fair.
What else was she to do?

You must be the ignorant sister in law with a comment like that 🙄

Trivium4all · 08/02/2026 13:13

Enough people commented on the rudeness/obliviousness of your SIL (and well done to BIL and MIL for standing up for you!), but I wanted to comment on the cake being dry and horrible.

Coeliac disease seems to run in one branch of my family, with two of four cousins on that side affected (diagnosed as adults) and the son of a third severely ill as a child and diagnosed as a child. We recently had a large family celebration, and the daughter of one of the affected cousins (not a baker, just a normal uni student) baked 7 different gluten-free cakes that were absolutely spectactular. It would never occur to anyone to wonder if they were different from "normal" cakes. So you don't have to put up with horrible dry expensive cake!

ShetlandishMum · 08/02/2026 13:17

Trivium4all · 08/02/2026 13:13

Enough people commented on the rudeness/obliviousness of your SIL (and well done to BIL and MIL for standing up for you!), but I wanted to comment on the cake being dry and horrible.

Coeliac disease seems to run in one branch of my family, with two of four cousins on that side affected (diagnosed as adults) and the son of a third severely ill as a child and diagnosed as a child. We recently had a large family celebration, and the daughter of one of the affected cousins (not a baker, just a normal uni student) baked 7 different gluten-free cakes that were absolutely spectactular. It would never occur to anyone to wonder if they were different from "normal" cakes. So you don't have to put up with horrible dry expensive cake!

We have a vegan gf bakery here but it's 2-4 the price of the supermarked. I don't eat a lot of cake and bread because gf is quite boring and it's so expensive if you go beyond.

Delphiniumandlupins · 08/02/2026 13:17

My sister is gluten intolerant not coeliac and even that is expensive and limiting. We're careful when she visits. Why not invite your SiL over and feed her a GF sandwich, cake, biscuits so she can understand that you're not eating this stuff for fun. Then show her the prices. Sorry she has been such an arse.

RocknRollBand · 08/02/2026 13:18

You handled the entire situation perfectly. You could not have done it better.

However she felt is nothing to do with anything that you said or did.

If she doesn't want to see you then that is her decision.

Her behaviour was outrageous.

Trivium4all · 08/02/2026 13:19

Here's all the cakes:

For not sharing my gluten free cake?
brusselsprout5 · 08/02/2026 13:28

She’s a twat! 2 coeliac children here so I feel your pain. Good for the whole family to see how selfish she is.

mypantsareonfire · 08/02/2026 13:29

Trivium4all · 08/02/2026 13:19

Here's all the cakes:

They look lovely!

OP posts:
SkinnyOatFlatWhiteForMePlease · 08/02/2026 13:30

Trivium4all · 08/02/2026 13:19

Here's all the cakes:

That’s a lovely gesture, gluten free baking is not easy nor cheap.

Pushmepullu · 08/02/2026 13:31

OP, don’t give it any more headspace. Enjoy your new cake, your bil was obviously quite embarrassed by his wife’s actions. Maybe she does this too often and others have said something to him. I am the most hospitable person I know. Drop into mine for a coffee and you’ll get a three course meal. I will give you anything from my fridge or larder, but the one thing you do not do is help yourself without checking first. For that alone your bitch SiL would have had a stern telling off from me.

Owl23 · 08/02/2026 13:32

She wouldn't be welcome in my home for a while. I usually bake my own gluten free cakes but everyone knows if I have gluten free treats they're mine unless I offer to share they are so expensive!

mypantsareonfire · 08/02/2026 13:32

ShetlandishMum · 08/02/2026 13:17

We have a vegan gf bakery here but it's 2-4 the price of the supermarked. I don't eat a lot of cake and bread because gf is quite boring and it's so expensive if you go beyond.

Yes, we have a bakery that does GF . Dh has often asked on past birthdays if I want a cake from them, but it would be about £40. I cut out sugar, bread etc when I was diagnosed so I don’t actually eat any alternatives.

It’s only on my birthday where I will have a cake because I can, and my children love getting one for me.

OP posts:
99bottlesofkombucha · 08/02/2026 13:36

Your bil sounds lovely, stop being so apologetic and saying it’s fine! I love cake so I’d be apoplectic, and say that’s fine, just spoil the cake by plonking it in the middle of the crumbs so now I can’t even eat any cake on my birthday, I hope people are similarly arses for your birthday too.

Multitrickpony · 08/02/2026 13:36

I think you already have all the responses you need on your dreadful sounding SIL. No coeliacs here so not something I regularly have to do, but I sometimes get involved in bake sales and have found that one lovely gluten free cake is the type that starts with boiling oranges and then adds almond flour. This is an example that looks really pretty too, there are others.

FeralWoman · 08/02/2026 13:38

YANBU. SIL was a malicious cow. I love that BIL took her aside and dealt with her, and that he brought you a replacement cake. Sounds like you have a great family of in laws!

I’m coeliac and was diagnosed at about 20. I didn’t have any symptoms until about 18. My mum became symptomatic at about 70, so late diagnosis/onset does happen. I think my parents weren’t convinced that I couldn’t tolerate gluten until I accidentally consumed some while they were staying with me. The smell coming from the toilet was awful. I could barely make it from the downstairs toilet near them to the upstairs toilet away from them. Never again have they doubted it.

Enjoy the peace and quiet of not having SIL visiting you.