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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

For not sharing my gluten free cake?

330 replies

mypantsareonfire · 08/02/2026 12:16

Okay, so I know I’m not - being coeliac sucks at the best of times, and especially where cake is involved. But I’m a bit “wtf” over it.

My children had a “surprise” birthday party for me with PIL, SIL and BIL and their children, and my best friend and her two children. I don’t celebrate my birthday but they wanted to do it, and It was very sweet of them.

Dh bought birthday cakes - a gluten free one for me and two larger, generic supermarket cakes for everyone else. I mean they look pretty much the same, the GF one just has a bit more buttercream and sprinkles on - aside from the gf one being smaller, twice the bloody price and not as nice tasting.

Cake time and dh starts cutting up the “normal cakes” for all the guests and handing it out. SIL asks if she can have some of the other cake, dh says, no, that’s the GF one, I’m just about to put it away for (me) to have later. He then puts it away in a cupboard (it had already been put back in the box for cross contamination purposes). My children wanted to put my candles on the GF for me to blow out, that’s the only reason it was out.

They all have some cake - I don’t yet, cake crumbs and 9 children eating biscuits and pizza, it’s a cross contamination nightmare until we’ve cleaned it all up.

We are all in the other part of the house having fun. SIL brings more cake out of the kitchen for her 4 children (see where this is going), it was the gf cake, big chunks of it. She said her children said it looked nicer and she wanted some. only they don’t like it. Of course they don’t, who would, given the choice. I don’t say anything though, just clear it aside.

She had also plonked it on the the same cutting board the non gluten free cake was on and used the same knife, so the bit she said she’d “saved” for me isn’t safe to eat anyway.

We don’t live on Albert square, so no drama ensued. But BIL (dh brother) took her into the kitchen and she came out in a complete huff, sitting on her own and dramatically sniffing and dabbing at her eyes. MIL asked her if she was okay, she wouldn’t speak. I said, “hey, are you okay?” (I had no idea BIL had said anythings about cake at this point), and she just stared daggers at me and walked off.

BIL took me aside and apologised to me and said he’d asked her what possessed her, she’d said the children thought it looked nicer than they caked they were offered. I tell him it’s really not a big deal, it’s only cake, please don’t worry about it and just enjoy the party.

Everyone left, all happy, apart from SIL who walked past me like I was invisible (remember, haven’t said a thing to her about it, and remember, I don’t fucking care, I’m not 5!)

Dh said he would pop out to Tesco to get another cake, I say don’t worry, I’ll have some another day, it’s not a big deal. A couple of hours later, BIL turns up with a new cake, apologises again, I say thank you, I appreciate it, but you really didn’t have to do that. All sorted, right?

Nope. SIL has told PIL and her family that she was made to feel very unwelcome in my home and that she won’t be seeing us again and nor will the children. That’s all she said to PIL, who of course asked me what had happened, I told them and they were like, “you should have bloody pulled her up on it yourself at the time!” MIL said she has told SIL she’s being ridiculous and said to me that it will all blow over soon. Which I am sure it will do.

Now, for background, SIL has often rolled her eyes or made comments when we have family events as I bring my own food, or prefer to eat later. I don’t expect anyone to cater for me, or to have to think about cross contamination, and no one else minds at all, they never have done. Me having a different cake, which she thought looked nicer as it had more butter cream on (to hide the shit, dry cake), was probably her tipping point.

Poor BIL now caught in the middle of this absolute non issue that I couldn’t have given a monkeys about anyway!

Like I said, there was no drama. I didn’t say a thing, it was her own husband who noticed, pulled her up on it, and apologised to me. I honestly would have just left it. It’s just a cake and I’m not 5.

I’m just going to wait for it all to blow over, but it’s bloody annoying, right?

OP posts:
Sam858 · 10/02/2026 12:25

My sil went into anaphylactic shock while eating a sweet about 9 years ago. She never had any allergies or issues with food before that. After that though, she was diagnosed with coeliac disease, a dairy allergy and developed allergies to certain other foods too. I would not have dreamed of minimising her health issues. I saw how devastating it was for her and the huge impact it's had on her life. I always tried to cater to her and for any family events, there was always separate gluten free dessert for her. No one would ever touch her one, gluten free things are so expensive and as you say, other people can have anything else. I'm sorry your sil has behaved so horribly in this situation and in general about your health. After 6 or 7 years, my sil was able to gradually start eating everything again. She does still react sometimes if she has too much gluten but it's nothing like it was. She is just careful not to eat too much processed food or gluten but no longer has to cut it out completely. I am very aware of allergies now because of her situation and i have coeliac/lactose intolerant nieces and nephews. It's something i would always take seriously- it's terrible that people are still so ignorant on the subject!

rainbowsparkle28 · 10/02/2026 12:38

Emmz1510 · 09/02/2026 16:31

My dad is gluten free. When we have gatherings the host always includes some GF food. If anyone fancies something GF they just help themselves. It’s only food at the end of the day and I think it’s good that this stuff is normalised. As long as other people arent leaving the the GF person without enough to eat! My dad only has GF food in his house (he lives alone since mum died a year ago) and the kids will happily eat his snacks if they are over there although he will take them out specifically to buy a treat they like. My daughter loves the GF pizza garlic bread he buys. So i do tend to think the cake could have been made available to all (after putting a sizeable majority away for you of course!) But as you say, you didn’t care anyway and it was someone else creating the issue! I would be seriously pissed at the lack of care over cross contamination though.
Just leave it well enough alone for now. Sil is being a massive baby. No doubt it will blow over. If the discussion arises with her, remind her that it wasn’t you who raised the issue but care does need to be taken with food preparation and handling.

Edited

Yes but is he gluten free/intolerant, or coeliac?! 🙄 Because I can assure you, unless everything is gluten free, then people dipping in and out of your gluten free food alongside food that has gluten in funnily enough then means, you guessed it, it isn’t gluten free any more. So you then cannot eat the only food that might have been suitable. It would be like touching raw chicken and then something else without washing and saying it isn’t contaminated.

TheDenimPoet · 10/02/2026 15:54

Even without the issue of the cake being gluten free, who the hell walks into someone else's kitchen and cuts up THEIR birthday cake without asking? It's such an odd thing to do, regardless of all the semantics about the type of cake, etc.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 10/02/2026 16:20

Absolutely, @TheDenimPoet!

AskingQuestionsAllTheTime · 10/02/2026 16:32

Hear hear. This cake-thief even opened the packaging to get at it, according to the opening post: OP's husband had put it away in its box for OP to have later.

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