For not wanting to contribute to the holiday?

[TwinklyRoseTurtle]

I’m having mixed thoughts on this so would like others opinions please- I’m being vague so not too outing-

A close relative has asked me to contribute towards an expensive holiday for another close relative for a special birthday, but before asking me the had told the other relative it had already been agreed- I was caught off guard when asked in front of the other person and I’ve now found out that I wouldn’t just be paying for my relative- I would also be paying for their gf- for full clarity I would not be going on this holiday, AIBU to not contribute? I feel conflicted as this relative and I are close

Who are all these people to you?

Eg,

Has your sister planned a holiday for your dad and his girlfriend and said that you and she will pay halves for the two of them?

'I would say to my dad, sorry I don't have that kind of money and my sister didn't ask me first'

Sorry I was trying to be vague so not outing- parent has asked me to pay for sibling and gf

That's really not on, they should have asked you first. I don't think it would be unreasonable to just say no.

Of course YANBU, and you shouldn't have been volunteered for the contribution before being asked!
You could contribute the amount that you would usually spend on this relative's birthday present, as it sounds like you normally buy him a present, if you're close?

Something similar happened to me where a group of friends all asked to contribute £80 towards an experiential present for someone. I simply told everyone, sorry I can't do that much but take £30!

Can you afford the contribution and would be happy to do so? Or, is the issue that you weren't consulted before the news was announced on your behalf? (Which I would not be happy about!)

If you can't afford it, then you'll have to say so.

If you can and don't mind the cost then I guess it depends on your relationships with all involved. If generally good and it was an oversight and you can afford it, then I'd do it.

If not good and this was in fact typical and rude behaviour I would be speaking to cheeky relative and considering what I want to do!

Say no. You don't have to explain why. Is it usual in your family to buy holidays for each other as presents? In my family that would not be the norm at all.

parent has asked me to pay for sibling and gf

No, I would not do that (my parents would never ask me to!)

Tell your sister/brother that your parents have done this completely behind your back and you don't have that sort of money to contribute.

Lovely if your parents want to make a grand gesture like this, but THEY have to fund it, if so!

Say no.

I hate it when people spend your money for you, without asking.

Why us gf getting a free holiday?

Has the holiday been booked yet? If not, can you speak to the person and explain you don’t like what’s proposed?

Can you afford the expected contribution? Have you been dictated to what you should contribute?

No people shouldn’t spend others money.

If your parents want their other child and gf to go away they are welcome to pay in full.

To answer a few questions- the holiday split is between 4 people so around £600 each to be paid just before Christmas. My sibling has booked the holiday thinking that we had all agreed to pay. It’s not normal in our family to give gifts like this- I have never received anything like this. I am really close to my sibling so will likely contribute towards their part but I will definitely not be contributing towards the gf part at all- I think that’s what has blow my mind the most.

Your parents' behaviour is outrageous. I'm angry in your behalf!

“Oh goodness, I could never afford to pay that much! That’s far more than we normally spend on each other, but I’d be happy to contribute our usual £30” (or however much you’d usually spend).

I never get these threads - just say... No I didnt agree and wash your hands of it!

I agree with @LionKing88

I would just say "No. Since when did we start giving each other presents worth hundreds of pounds? . I never agreed to this."

This!

Is the 'gf' a long-term partner or a fairly recent one?
Which big birthday is it?
You can say 'big-O' if you don't want to give the exact age but there's a difference between an18th and a 40th.

£600, that's an outrageous amount to suggest someone else pays!

It's hard luck really that the sibling has booked the holiday-they will have to fork out the remaining money. Why would you and your parents be paying for his girlfriend as well!?

Who is the fourth person?

So your sibling booked a holiday for him (?) and gf, that they couldn't afford to pay for. Your parents said, "Oh never mind, the family give it to you for your Christmas present" thus signing you up for £600 - tell your parents it's more than you'd pay for your own holiday.

Your sibling sounds a bit hopeless as well.

Of course not!

I wouldn’t pay £600 for anyone’s gift apart from maybe my own children but then that’s a new computer money.

My brother gets about £25.

Crazy people.

No I think the parent said they were all paying for a holiday for the sibling and girlfriend, so they could go together and then it was booked.

What the hell. No! Are they younger? They can pay for their own holiday! Point out that you haven't had the same.

"Mum, you can't go around spending £600 of my money on Bro's holiday. It's excessive and presumptuous. If you want to spend £1200, it's on you."

That's absolutely crazy! I imagine if you explain the situation to your sibling they would be appalled, and understand.