For not wanting to contribute to the holiday?

[TwinklyRoseTurtle]

I’m having mixed thoughts on this so would like others opinions please- I’m being vague so not too outing-

A close relative has asked me to contribute towards an expensive holiday for another close relative for a special birthday, but before asking me the had told the other relative it had already been agreed- I was caught off guard when asked in front of the other person and I’ve now found out that I wouldn’t just be paying for my relative- I would also be paying for their gf- for full clarity I would not be going on this holiday, AIBU to not contribute? I feel conflicted as this relative and I are close

£600!! That is far too much for any present.

Tell your parents you have no intention of spending that amount on your brother so count you out. Tell them you will give whatever amount you would normally pay for an xmas present (wouldn't be anywhere close to £600 in my world)

Why on earth would your sibling think you would pay a fortune for their holiday - and for their girlfriend's holiday?? It is just weird.

This is proper bonkers

yanbu

Of course yanbu. Surely your sibling will be mortified if they realise what your parents have done?!

Absolutely not especially if youre not going/ invited! And even if you are every adult can fund themselves. I jist turned 40, i went away (self funded) my sis got me £40 cash. I did similar for her 40th. Otherwise bdays are max £20 ish.

The only thing I could possibly consider this for would be a honeymoon - so it would be a wedding gift if they were eloping.

Otherwise - no.

i think£600 is a lot. Should’ve been okayed with you beforehand for sure.

If he cancels I presume he will lose his deposit. Offer instead to pay 1/4 towards his lost deposit. You could give that as his Christmas present 🧑‍🎄

Emotionally manipulative much?

Is it for a special occasion? Maybe let your sibling know what you can contribute, even if that’s just what you’d normally spend on a gift for them. Your folks volunteering you to pay £600 is wild!

What?! Your sibling, their gf and who are the other two people? Mum and dad?
So they're all going away and you're funding them! No.

Just say "sorry guys I've checked my finances and £300/£600 is totally out of my budget for this time of year 😅 It sounds lovely so I'm happy to contribute my normal amount I spend on bro/sis for their birthday as either a present as usual or as some cash for him to put towards the holiday. Have a lovely time and send lots of pics xx"

Unless you're actually a millionaire and this is nothing to you

Cheeky sods! Why do they think they can spend your money for you?! I have paid for friends to come away with me, also paid for my own kids and their friends , but that was my choice. I wouldn’t be doing it if someone else had basically dictated I had to.

The more I think about it, the stranger this is.

There must be some more background to this.

Do you parents believe you have loads of money, so this would not be an issue?
Do you come from a family that normally spends hundreds on each others' presents ?
How long term is the girlfriend ? (a twenty year partnership is very different from someone he's been seeing for 2 months).

What is it about the situation that made your parents think this is a normal thing to do ?

It's not that unusual on here. Golden child gets better treatment, usually because they have less money (due to never working full time or at all, in some cases). Other children with job/house/kids to fund end up being asked by parent to pay towards little Johnny's lifestyle as he has less money. When parents die little Johnny gets the house.

If there had been 600 family members all putting in £2 each, I would have said you were being unreasonable - they've saved you a job, but, expecting you to fork out £600, particularly without any prior discussion, is just not on.
Put yourself up for adoption @TwinklyRoseTurtle - you need new parents!

You need to nip this in bud now.

Call your sibling and explain your parents has never spoken to you about this so you have no idea where this has come from and that you will be sorting your own birthday gift for them as usual.

Havent you asked your parent why they've done this and what they were thinking?

I'm a bit confused about all this. Who are the 4 people who are paying? Who is going on the holiday?
You say you're close to your sibling - can't you just go to them and tell them that your parents didn't consult you about this? Say you can't afford it/hadn't budgeted for it, if that'sthe case? Surely if you're close, they will understand the situation?

Say no. Your parent was relying on you feeling cornered into saying no when they asked you publicly. The best response to that is to say no, and that you do not appreciate the attempt to manipulate you. Put them on the spot. It discourages repeat performances.

Like fuck would I do this. It’s ridiculous and I wouldn’t pay £1 on principle. Is it for a birthday or something?

This is so bizarre, OP. Can you come back and answer anyone's questions?!

Have you asked your parents why they have signed you up to do this?

Have you told your parents you won't be doing this?

Be funny if sibling has been told the holiday is from both parents only, but they figured it was too expensive for mum and dad to pay on their own so now you are being roped in.

I'd suggest you all go on the holiday and each pay for yourselves. That would be better value than paying 600 quid for nothing really. You can have a meal out to celebrate golden balls birthday at the destination.

I just want to know who the four people going are. Is the sibling who booked it going?

Me too!

If you go along with it this time, it will only be the beginning of such madness. Say no and get angry if they start insisting or any other nonsense.

'This dumb idea has nothing to do with me' needs to your mantra to them and to yourself.

Don't give in, we will keep you strong!

Mum Dad, Golden Balls and his GF are going, is my guess

Even if I had the money I wouldn't be giving a penny, what a bloody cheek!!!