For not wanting to contribute to the holiday?

[TwinklyRoseTurtle]

I’m having mixed thoughts on this so would like others opinions please- I’m being vague so not too outing-

A close relative has asked me to contribute towards an expensive holiday for another close relative for a special birthday, but before asking me the had told the other relative it had already been agreed- I was caught off guard when asked in front of the other person and I’ve now found out that I wouldn’t just be paying for my relative- I would also be paying for their gf- for full clarity I would not be going on this holiday, AIBU to not contribute? I feel conflicted as this relative and I are close

Why on earth have you been asked to contribute to a holiday you aren’t going on? Just say you will contribute the normal amount you give for a birthday to your sibling. The cost for the gf is not down to you. If your parents are going they can pay.

TwinklyRoseTurtle
Charity isn't your middle name is it??
Do you really have that sort of money and wasn't it lovely to try I feel, pressganging you thinking that you'd automatically cough up
Tell them you can't afford it/don't have it
Some are lucky to get a box of chocolates let alone a exspensive holiday!

Your parents are insane cheeky fuckers

Why can’t sibling and gf pay for their own holiday?

My siblings did this frequently - the narcissistic one who wanted everyone to love her whilst she was a complete bitch. I do not see these grand gestures as being about the person who receives the amazing gift - they are all about the person who generously offers everyone else's donation

If my family offered me this I would have to assume they were setting me up as a drug mule.

Offer 25% of the ask. Tell your parent, this is all I can do. In the future, please ask me earlier and without others around or the answer will be no.

Stay strong OP. What is being asked of you is properly bonkers. Never heard of such a thing.

Glad you’re getting the responses you hoped to make you feel better.
The request is nuts! That’s an insane amount of money unless you’re able to justify it. When I was 21 ok it was 20 years ago I think I might have got £21 from siblings and I got the train somewhere and had a weekend away . I was working and could pay for holidays - if I wanted something out of the norm I would pay for myself

Why can't you just say you will contribute, but YOU set the amount ( not your parents/sibling) Just tell them you will contribute £100/£150/£200 whatever just covers your quarter of your DB's only .

The cheek of them expecting you to pay for the gf as well!!!!

Don't contribute. Your parents have now said "you can contribute or not" and you've observed that your other sibling who is also expected to pay probably won't, so the parents must be able to afford it all on their own. If you feel guilty because your sister "deserves" a holiday, could you give her whatever you'd normally spend on her birthday in cash (maybe the correct currency if it's an int'l trip) or a cash card to spend on her trip? You can wait until just before her birthday/ just before the trip to do this so it doesn't interfere with your plans for your child's birthday gifts.

Nobody spends your money without even asking you.
Pretty outrageous thing to do to someone and not surprised it feels 'off'.
Id just say sorry you never asked me whether I was ok with it. And id ask them why they would put you in such a position. Thank goodness I don't know anyone who would do that to me and if they did we would be talking boundaries.

I would be happy to contribute the amount that I was planning to give for their milestone birthday, I’d usually give 100 for a special birthday to a sibling.

No one can make financial decisions for you like this- just tell the person who is arranging this the truth, that you are not comfortable paying for their holidays.

Unbelievable OP.
Yanbu to say absolutely not.
Find your outrage and drop the rope regarding these grifters.
Only grifters ask such things.

Say no simply because they have railroaded you into this snd if you agree once they will try it again.

😂

Agreed, we are all directing our ire at the parents quite rightly but op's lovely brother who she is very close to - why was he not saying crikey parents of course you are not paying for my girlfriend to go on holiday, how embarrassing and infantilising that would be. And, before or after booking it why has he not been in touch with his sister to say are you sure and thank you. As for the girlfriend god I would die of shame.

This is so weird.
I've seen in an update it's a parent asking for you to pay for a sibling and his gf. If your parent wants to pay for them to have a holiday then they should crack on alone, but to rope you in without asking is super inconsiderate.
Ask when your holiday with friend/partner is, with contribution from your sibling.

I've not read on to see how much the holiday is etc but whatever amount, without you agreeing to/being happy to do it, I would say you can't afford it and get your sibling a regular gift, and if you know and get on with his/her gf then get her a present on her birthday. Done.

Yes
thats how I see it. A special birthday treat for the brother and his gf .Parents want the other two to contribute including the parents. So parents are paying £1.200 and the other two £600 each. It’s very presumptuous to say the least. Whether they are poor or wealthy . Just say no.

So give in, but just a little bit?

Yeah, that’ll teach them.

Exactly
It will just set a precedent.

My DB would be horrified if I spent £600 on him for a present.

I'd just simply apologise and say I can't afford £600. (And it would be true. That's how much is spend on a week away for my whole immediate family and we'd have to save up first.)

If it's their parent, yes, give in a little bit, and yes, it should teach them. They were willing to give some.