For not wanting to contribute to the holiday?

[TwinklyRoseTurtle]

I’m having mixed thoughts on this so would like others opinions please- I’m being vague so not too outing-

A close relative has asked me to contribute towards an expensive holiday for another close relative for a special birthday, but before asking me the had told the other relative it had already been agreed- I was caught off guard when asked in front of the other person and I’ve now found out that I wouldn’t just be paying for my relative- I would also be paying for their gf- for full clarity I would not be going on this holiday, AIBU to not contribute? I feel conflicted as this relative and I are close

Nope

4 people are going on the holiday.

2 are your sibling and gf.

Please, please, please, tell me the other two aren't your parents.

This is a strange request. I can't imagine paying £600 for a sibling to go on holiday! I might contribute £50 to their spending pot but neither myself or brother would ever spend that much on each other even if a significant birthday.
I don't know why your parents think this is realistic (unless you are an incredibly high earner/have won the lottery).

And Mum, Dad, are paying some, and have asked OP and another sibling to also contribute, that's four. Another guess!

I'm far too invested in this.

I understand as 2 people (brother and gf) are going and 4 are contributing towards it - op, her parents and another sibling.

That was my take too

Why do you think your parent has planned this group gift when your parent has never done anything similar for you?

I’m as confused as others on here - but equally annoyed on your behalf.

Is it brother and Gf going on the holiday for the special birthday? Or are others going too?

Are brother and Gf contributing anything?

Who are the four people contributing?

Are your parents paying as one - ie £600 between them, or as individuals - ie £600 each, thereby paying £1200?

Is there a history of your brother being treated more favourably than you?

Did Golden Balls not say something like "OMG, are you all absolutely SURE about this, it's very generous of you, but it's far too much, I can't accept that much"

Even if OP is a high earner or lottery winner, they have no right to spend her money for her.

It’s one thing to privately ask, quite another to try and force it in the way they did.

Don't be so daft, say no!

So your sibling has booked a holiday costing £2400 for themselves and their GF, thinking that 4 others are covering the cost because it’s a birthday present? And this is something which you don’t normally do or pay for?! This is an outrageous assumption from them and your parents! Ok to contribute towards your sibling’s costs but not the GF.

Say NO.
Unless it is a wedding present. Even then I would pay what I could afford towards the holiday gift.

No. If I was going to pay for my sister to have a holiday, it would be my own, considered decision - and what I'd probably do is give her the money and suggest a holiday as the sort of thing I had in mind, but leave it up to her what she spent it on.

I certainly wouldn't be railroaded into it by other family members!

That’s a ridiculous amount of money to ask for, tell them to jog on.

Fuck that nonsense.

Very icky and awkward.

I would be wanting to tell my parent that it was out of order to make presumptions on my behalf, and raise it in front of sibling..

BUT:

I would ask myself, would I have agreed this had I been asked privately before it was a done deal?
Could I afford it?
Is it a suitable / proportionate gift. Would your parent / sibling do the same for you?

And if yes, I would agree.if not: of course it is ok to say no to something you weren’t consulted about / don’t choose to contribute to / and especially can’t afford

This is so bizarre. Firstly, who thinks it is reasonable to commit somebody else’s £600? How do they know you even have a spare £600 knocking about?

Next, what parents dictate what siblings must gift each other?

This is weird as weird and I would send a £25 cheque and explain that that is their lot.

Unless he is very ill and will never get another chance to go on holiday, that’s different.

£600, I don't spend this in my own adult children, or Grandchildren. My Christmas spending on presents is roughly £400 on everyone.
I honestly think your sister is taking the piss, been very crafty, and is after a freebie. Absolute CF.
Do not give this amount of money.

Well there's some information missing here obviously.
Exactly why are the parents so committed to paying for their DC and GF to go on holiday?
How on earth did they assume the other siblings would have no problem with this when OP has said there is no precedent in the family for this type of gift giving?
What family gifts 600 quid between siblings??

None of this makes any sense.

oh no @TwinklyRoseTurtle why are you paying for your brother? Do you have the money to be spending on someone else's holiday?

Absolutely not. £600 is a massive gift. My brother is getting married in the summer and his wedding gift is only £250. Me, H and are 2 kids are attending. Other people shouldn't make financial commitments on your behalf.

Is the problem the £600, or the fact that sib's gf gets a free holiday out of it?

If I had a set budget for a sib's birthday, I wouldn't care if they chose to spend it something for themselves and their gf to share. If they're asking for double your budget, though, that's not on.

So, in essense, contribute the amount you're prepared to contribute to your sib's present. He can allocate it as he wishes. £600 is wild though for a sib's birthday, unless you're vastly wealthier then me!

£600? Is this a joke?
Not a chance in hell I would be working out that much for someone else's birthday 😡

What an odd thing for your parent to do! Just why? That's a hell of a lot of money.