For not wanting to contribute to the holiday?

[TwinklyRoseTurtle]

I’m having mixed thoughts on this so would like others opinions please- I’m being vague so not too outing-

A close relative has asked me to contribute towards an expensive holiday for another close relative for a special birthday, but before asking me the had told the other relative it had already been agreed- I was caught off guard when asked in front of the other person and I’ve now found out that I wouldn’t just be paying for my relative- I would also be paying for their gf- for full clarity I would not be going on this holiday, AIBU to not contribute? I feel conflicted as this relative and I are close

Maybe £100 but definitely not £600 and definitely just for them! They must think you can easily afford this? But that’s crazy !

Yes I feel this way too

This is on your parents to pay and they should give equal to you.

What? No way! I’ve paid for my sister to go on holiday with me, but I wouldn’t pay for her to go on holidays with her BF, and certainly NOT pay for BF as well!

To answer some questions, we usually spend between £50-£100 per birthday. I think it’s bothered me the most is I wasn’t asked prior to this and now feel like I have to contribute. The main issue for me is paying for his gf- they will be 21 but still unsure why I’m expected to fund it. I’m much older and my sibling is great and would help me with anything which I think is why I feel guilty. But my own child has a big birthday also this year and my siblings isn’t until next year.

Crazy! I don’t understand why you would be expected to pay for a sibling’s holiday…

Is sibling (brother?) the golden child perhaps?

Given there's never been anything like this for you it sounds like it.

Don't be bullied or manipulated into paying, nobody had any right to commit you to that money. And as for paying for the gf as well, that's beyond astonishing as an idea.

Just make your apologies that you haven't even considered a gift for your own dc's big birthday yet.

And send a card.
An empty card...
Which cf spent your money in advance? Dm /df - with sibling being The Golden Child maybe?

YANBU for the pure reason that they shouldn't have told the person without asking you. That's rude.

I would say this isn’t in your budget and explain how you feel about the way it’s been broached. If there are hard feelings then that’s tough - don’t let them get away with spending your money for you.

You are correct sorry for the confusion - my sibling and gf are going on holiday- 2 parents and 2 siblings expected to pay, my other sibling who apparently came up with the idea, is very flakey and will likely contribute nothing as usual.
I of course said I couldn’t afford it so close to Christmas… not many could!

YANBU. I hate it when others decide how I should spend my money and how much.

Honestly reply to your parents saying you were caught off guard, and that you don’t normally spend that amount of money on birthday gifts. Say you’re happy to contribute towards your sibling’s costs, £100 or whatever! If your parents have agreed to covering costs, then they need to do this. And also why should you pay for the GF?!

Just firmly reply to your parent saying this is out of your budget, you can contribute £100

This all seems very toxic family to me
Its outrageous

Can you just give your parents whatever you're prepared to contribute. Say something along the lines of - this is the share I'm good with, you'll have to make up any extra given the way you set it up. The tell you sibling that your parents have the money and leave it at that?

What does your other sibling think about it? Do you know why your parents are trying to get you and your other sibling to spoil your brother in a way they never have with any of you before?

Thanks @TwinklyRoseTurtle , the age helps. At 21, the GF is probably not a long term partner and they might have split up by the birthday, or they might split up soon afterwards.

I'm guessing that there was a big gap between DB and his siblings or he's the golden child.

(It reminds me of a friend's brother. Several girls then the little prince. The little prince was spoilt.)

I think it’s bothered me the most is I wasn’t asked prior to this and now feel like I have to contribute.

You are right to be bothered by not being consulted.
You are wrong to think you now "have to contribute".

Be reassured by everyone on this thread.
Say "I wasn't consulted, and I am not going to do that. As it is his 21st, I'm happy to increase my spending to £100. I don't mind getting something myself, of letting him have that towards something bigger if that is what he wants to do, but obviously I'm not giving such a ridiculous amount".

I wouldn't particularly mention the girlfriend, that is a bit of a red herring as far as I am concerned.

So your parents voluntold you to pay a share of your sibling and their gf's holiday?

That would be a no. They don't get to spend your money on your sibling and gf. That's favoritism gone wild. Your parents can fund it themselves.

There’s your possible get out. Tell flakey sibling to put their money where their mouth is: “you go first”.

”I’m not going to use the money I was going to spend on child for their birthday this year, when brothers birthday isn’t until next year. £600 is so much money, and too much to offer when it’s someone elses”

Edited
even for a special birthday it's far too much to be expected to contribute!

Just give your own gift at Christmas and on his birthday. Your parents committed so they need to suck up the cost. What did they get you for your birthday? I'm lucky to get a £25 gift card and a text message from my parents and my brother 😆 he texted me 2 days after because he was busy with work 😆

Just say no. Simple.

now feel like I have to contribute.

No, you don't.

Use your words, say no.

I would spend less time with parents and siblings like this.

“Clearly there has been some misunderstanding on your part. Happy to give £x in lieu of birthday/Christmas but that is my limit”