For not wanting to contribute to the holiday?

[TwinklyRoseTurtle]

I’m having mixed thoughts on this so would like others opinions please- I’m being vague so not too outing-

A close relative has asked me to contribute towards an expensive holiday for another close relative for a special birthday, but before asking me the had told the other relative it had already been agreed- I was caught off guard when asked in front of the other person and I’ve now found out that I wouldn’t just be paying for my relative- I would also be paying for their gf- for full clarity I would not be going on this holiday, AIBU to not contribute? I feel conflicted as this relative and I are close

So I would just tell your parent that it was not ok to raise it in front of your sibling, and you will contribute the amount you would have chosen to spend on a present.

I'm sorry but they'd have been told to do one.

That said, are you a multi millionaire? If so I'll reconsider my initial response.
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Maybe. 🤔

Is this sibling the favourite child?

Your parents are bang out of order to suggest this.

This is a parent level gift for a 21st - definitely not a sibling one! Nice if they want to give such a generous gift but to try and offload the cost onto you and your other sibling is appalling, especially in such an emotionally manipulative way.

🤣 I wish 🤞.

This is bizarre, why on earth would they suggest such a thing

Well after your updates…

”No sorry, my own child isn’t getting a holiday this year so I can’t contribute to siblings when he can pay for it himself “

No way!!!!!

So someone has proposed buying a young couple a 2.4K holiday as a 21st birthday present for one of them? No, sorry, that's ridiculously excessive unless you're the Branson family. And well out of order with the emotional blackmail.

I think you'd be reasonable to say that financing a present for your own child's approaching big birthday is your priority, so perhaps you can agree that you will do that for YOUR child and in turn your parents can do the equivalent for theirs?

Did you and other sibling get presents remotely in this ballpark for your 21st? I'm guessing not

This was my thought @TwinklyRoseTurtle - if the sibling is getting a holiday, perhaps the same can go for the GC?

Here's £60, you can add the zeros yourselves.

I knew it'd be a little brother. It always is!!

That’s insane. What did they get for your 21st?

mum, dad, I can’t pay for that holiday. If I can afford it I’ll be taking x away for their 10th birthday. You’d be very welcome to contribute, you could think if it as a very late 21st present for me now that you do huge gestures for these birthdays, you must feel a bit bad that I missed out on all this generosity.

If it is normal in your family to split paying for a 21st birthday trip then pay. If not, then don't.
Maybe have a wtf were you thinking chat with your flaky sister for suggesting it. Can't understand why your mum wants to pay the gf's share.

you know all this is ridiculous....you are not caught off guard, out of guard or within it. Stop this, now.

Bloody cheek your relative by the way not you.

They had no right to offer up your money and I'd be telling them so(I'm 50 now and stand up for myself I wouldn't have done so in the past)and asking them if they'd be happy if you did the same to them.

@TwinklyRoseTurtle Buy him a new suitcase.

Nah. That’s a parents’ gesture. Absolutely not a sibling and certainly not okay to force you into it with guilt and by embarrassing you.

I’d not do it just because sets an annoying precedent that they can unilaterally make such a decision without consulting me. ‘sorry no. I’m not paying for an expensive holiday for my brother, I can’t afford to and never agreed to do so.’

There is no chance I would give a gift that large for a birthday. I would tell them I will contribute my normal budgeted amount.

This!

I would probably say that I am more than happy to contribute to the holiday funds rather than buying a gift and then specify the amount say £50 that you would usually spend on their gift.

expecting more than that is really cheeky. I remember when we were all told we had to stump up about £100 per couple for my brother in laws (DH’s sisters husband) 40th birthday gift. That was a lot for us at the time (we are much younger and were just starting out as a family with very small kids). But when my 40th rolled around last year I don’t think either of them even remembered to wish me happy birthday let alone buy me anything. Some people expect a lot but don’t give the same thought in return.

No - I would not be contributing.

For a 21st birthday I would probably pay out more than a normal birthday but would be buying something that would last - a piece of jewellery, etc.

And at 21 who says he will still be with the girlfriend in December. She has plenty of time to save for herself!

This is bonkers. Lovely idea of your parents, but they should be paying the whole lot if it’s something they want to give!