AIBU to give up an £80,000 job to work part time school hours?

[fieldmouse231]

We live in London and have a one-year-old DS. I earn more than my husband (c.£30k more) and work for a supportive company where I can WFH three days a week; my commute is 50 minutes. I’m back at work full time, earn £80k, quite enjoy my job and am well regarded, but I’m not especially career-motivated.

Our son is in nursery. I do pick-ups and drop-offs four days a week as my husband has a 90-minute commute, long hours (construction industry) and needs to be in the office four days a week.

We have a small mortgage for London (c.£800pcm) and over £100k in savings between us.

We’re planning a second child and I’d really like to take a step back after my second maternity leave (if we’re lucky enough to have another). Ideally I’d work part-time around school hours so I could manage drop-offs and pick-ups, and potentially spend 2–3 days a week caring for the children before they start school.

We’d also love to move out of London for more space and a countryside lifestyle — currently considering Bath. This would likely mean giving up my current job or having a very long commute. My husband is very career-motivated (this is a second career for him) and keen to progress; his work is project-based and may involve staying away three nights a week depending on location.

I don’t want to stop working entirely — it’s important for my identity and self-confidence — but equally I feel strongly about being present for my children and running our household.

AIBU to give up my £80k job and (inevitably) take a much lower-paid role to prioritise time with my children and family life?

What happens if he leaves you?

Or if you need to leave?

You're neither reasonable nor unreasonable. Just do what suits you and your family.

Of course YANBU. I’d just be careful that it was affordable and didn’t negatively impact the whole family’s lifestyle due to finances.

Can you go part time in your current job? That seems far more sensible, especially given you can WFH.

Is his job permanent or contracts? My impression is that £90k household income for London with two kids would be hard, especially if you're used to earning more. I can't imagine bath is much cheaper.

Do remember that lots of people regret stepping back long term, as they never return to where they were. The world moves on. Plenty don’t regret it, obviously, but think carefully. Could you go part time for a while?

I would not yet personally. But it’s up to you. Maybe visit bath for a bit during winter as summer anywhere is fake. And actually experience it a bit a few time.

and for DH to be earning more as nursery, mortgage and bills on that salary is a lot of pressure.

bath isn’t cheap.

I wouldn't.
I would get a cleaner. Someone to do the gardering. Or whatever help needed to free time up!

You earn £80k.
You have 3 WFH days, short commute the last 2 days - you enjoy your job.
You would be mad to give up that job for a lower paid job.

Btw Bath isn't cheap

Which job are you thinking of and which pay?

Just don’t be unrealistic about school hours. Part time school hours isn’t easy to come by

Quite honestly I wouldnt. You are very unlikely to get a role like this again and being out of the workplace for xx years will put you up against bright young things with skills that you wont have.

Sorry, but I have a relative who did something similar. She had great views about just stepping back in when she was ready. She didnt...

Bath is lovely but more spendy then you might think.

Personally? never in a million years.

I have always had one eye on my pension and what happens if everything goes tits up in my life/marriage.

I did this and now I’m back working full time with my youngest being 7 now, I just could not cope working full time and I felt like I was threading water all day trying to keep up with everything. I never regret taking a step back.

Obviously this step back has impacted my earnings now and my pension. So you need to consider that. For me it was 100% worth it. I preferred it to not working because I was able to keep a foot in the door of my industry and walk back into a decent job when I was ready.

What about the mental stimulation? Presumably at £80k, your current role challenges you and stimulates your intelligence. If you're taking a step back to a part time, school hours role, its unlikely to have the same level of strategy. The money would be irrelevant to me, taking a step back to a junior role would be my worst nightmare. (And I'd be a fucking awful employee at that level as I'd want to interfere and run the place!)

I think almost everyone considers this when they are little. But they are only little for a very short time, you have a flexible employer, teens love London, life passes by very quickly.
My advice is ask about taking the full parental leave entitlement instead and buying holiday. Keep your career going.

there is nothing wrong with this at all if it’s what you want …..

but if I was your husband I’d want it recorded somewhere that it was solely your choice and decision to give up work and that you hadn’t supported my career and therefore couldn’t argue that in any divorce situation and expect to walk away with the majority of the assets on the basis that you (willingly) gave up your career….

Different choices work for different people. I think the thing to really realistically assess is whether this lovely few hours job actually exists and will make you happy. Eg will it be so mind numbing it’s actually unpleasant. It’s really hard to get back in to senior jobs later so you may find you get a bit stuck for the long term. I would seriously look at a part time job or job share in your current industry/level as an alternative. You don’t actually need to be there for your kids all the time, and (whisper it soft) making baked beans every day can become exhausting and tedious just like work can!

I think unless you’re passionate about working with young people then I would reconsider working in a school. People seem to have this idea of it being some sort of easy family friendly job but it isn’t.

I am a TA and I love my job but it’s tough and it’s getting tougher each year!

I'm considering reducing my hours for the same reasons, so I think YANBU. As long as it works with your finances then do for it.
What you are considering is a bit drastic, you could also consider reducing to 70-80%? Particularly if you end up staying in London and can do that with your current job.

I'd make sure you don't compromise your chances to go back full time in the future.
Also, personally I am waiting until I'm definitely done with pregnancies, so I can make the most of my corporate job enhanced maternity pay.

Sorry blame the germs given to me by the lovely little people I work with. I initially read it as you wanted to work in a school.

But do research carefully because there aren’t many jobs that for perfectly around school hours

How easy would it be to get back into the employment you are in now if you left? I don't think YABU but carefully weigh it all up. Also what is in Bath that makes you want to move there? If your DH might be away for stretches for work, you need to be somewhere you feel happy & settled.

It sounds like you want quite a different life from the one you have now so I'd look at it from another angle. What life do you want, does your husband want it too and how can that be afforded?
-you want to move to Bath. You'd have to give up your job but that's what you want anyway. But is your husband on board? It would be a huge life change for him with much less family time. How does he feel about that? If he doesn't want this, the plan is a non starter.
-if he is on board, the next step is to budget for that proposed life. Bath isn't particularly cheap. If you take a much more low paying job, will you still be able to pay the mortgage and afford your husband staying in London (and travelling) some nights? If not then again, the whole plan needs a rethink.
-if the costs don't add up then you need to think about the alternatives. Could you get a higher paying job in Bath and sacrifice some of the family time you want for a different location? If not, you can rule out Bath at this point.
-That leaves making things work in London or moving to a cheaper out of London as rea that is still commutable.

Ultimately though you are effectively looking at becoming a much lower income family if your husband is on £50k and you only work school hours. While I'm not trying to suggest it's poverty wages, families earning that much don't usually own homes in expensive parts of the country and you'd be looking at a significant drop in lifestyle. For me it would be too much of a hit to take.

What if he leaves? What if you want to leave him? I’d use your job as a base case for supporting your family by yourself if you need to, if you never need to, okay, if you do, then you won’t need to worry. That’s the way I always played it (and I have adult kids, married for several decades).

All the replies are so useful, thanks everyone. I’ll respond to some individually but where I’m at is that personally I feel that I am being unreasonable to want to do this because I think it will have significant long term implications for me and my family, but nevertheless it feels very tempting.

I did it. Left a well paying job when I had my 2nd child. Worked part time, teaching for 10 years and then went back to a full time private sector role in my previous field when DC2 was at secondary school. I still wanted to be doing a mentally stretching role whilst part time though and to know I could easily go full time and earn ok money if anything happened (divorce, illness etc).

Edited to add, BUT my husband had a reasonably high paying job. I wouldn't have done it if it meant we'd financially struggle/make too many compromises.

What is your pay for a TA part time - how many hours?

Tbh - if you have a £80k full time job on good condition (wfh/short commute) which you enjoy taking on a low paid TA job which is so hard work these days would be bonkers.
Sorry.