AIBU to give up an £80,000 job to work part time school hours?

[fieldmouse231]

We live in London and have a one-year-old DS. I earn more than my husband (c.£30k more) and work for a supportive company where I can WFH three days a week; my commute is 50 minutes. I’m back at work full time, earn £80k, quite enjoy my job and am well regarded, but I’m not especially career-motivated.

Our son is in nursery. I do pick-ups and drop-offs four days a week as my husband has a 90-minute commute, long hours (construction industry) and needs to be in the office four days a week.

We have a small mortgage for London (c.£800pcm) and over £100k in savings between us.

We’re planning a second child and I’d really like to take a step back after my second maternity leave (if we’re lucky enough to have another). Ideally I’d work part-time around school hours so I could manage drop-offs and pick-ups, and potentially spend 2–3 days a week caring for the children before they start school.

We’d also love to move out of London for more space and a countryside lifestyle — currently considering Bath. This would likely mean giving up my current job or having a very long commute. My husband is very career-motivated (this is a second career for him) and keen to progress; his work is project-based and may involve staying away three nights a week depending on location.

I don’t want to stop working entirely — it’s important for my identity and self-confidence — but equally I feel strongly about being present for my children and running our household.

AIBU to give up my £80k job and (inevitably) take a much lower-paid role to prioritise time with my children and family life?

Good idea.

And OP, if your TV, washing machine, car etc break down during this time, don't dip into the savings. You have to understand the huge stress of not having enough money, day in, day out.

I agree with PPs that children are only young once, but you can do a lot at weekends, you can have little night time rituals. Children who grow up in a loving, financially secure home, with a mother who earns well are being shown a perfectly healthy life model.

You might say I would say this but I truly think the advantages to young children of parents staying at home are very much exaggerated
Mine are all in their 20s ,doing well,we have a great relationship and they saw that DH and I both worked to support them

Thank you, that’s helpful. Bath is just an idea really, we’d probably like to stay in the south due to family but flexible really other than that.

Yes I remember that. That mum will most likely be a candidate for a TA job.
Jobs like OPs are so rare - even you have a very good CV.

Thank you so much for this, really helpful information.

Yes I read that thread too.... with my jaw open in shock, and believe I put a comment along the lines of "this MUST be a wind up!?!"

Not only did they want to WFH and earn at least £50K, with no prior experience or qualifications and 15 yrs out the workforce... they also wanted the hours to be school hours only?!

The OP should prefer freedom and financial security.

Oh I’d forgotten about the school hours-so in reality more like a £100k a year role if she only wants term time as well? It’s crazy!

Reminds me of those people who talk about 'the time management skills I have learned as a homemaker' on their (empty) CV and expect potential employers to take it seriously!

I had that as well, HTH. Plus was able to spend valuable time with my dad while he was still around and help my mum. You never get that time back.

This. Being a parent is actually more time-demanding when they are school age and attending activities after school. Some after school care runs until 6, but a lot (like my DC
school) is 5:30 so gone are the days of picking them up at 6pm having had their dinner already in nursery!

YANBU of course OP, but I wouldn’t do it. Living costs are only increasing. I’ve recently got a more senior, better paid job but I don’t feel better off because life is so expensive. I went part time when my eldest was born 11 years ago, 4 days. You’re right that it’s the same job for less pay, which at that time was worth it for me before the days of WFH. I think it’s worth it for the short term while your DC are little, you just need to be disciplined about not being available on your day off, and leaving on time on the other days. I was and felt I had a good work life balance. If things didn’t get done on my day off, I never apologised for it.

I now WFH 95% of the time, youngest is 8, and I’m planning to increase my hours to compressed full time in 4 days because of the flexibility WFH offers and because I’m now more senior. The day off is valuable though as both my DC are sporty and do a lot of after school and weekend activities so I need my day off to breathe!

Yanbu if being with your kids is your priority. Money isn’t everything.
Also assuming your husband is on board and it’s an agreed decision for the family.

The OP wants to work part time, how the fuck is that the same as being a SAHP for 15 years? Manufactured outrage.

And you have to work so hard to build your reputation and develop trust with your employer to have a good level of flexibility, to give all that up to “run a household”? I’d genuinely rather hire a full time housekeeper on £30k a year for a couple of years and keep my career.

I worked 20 hours a week and I modified it a few times how I worked those hours around what worked for me depending on the ages of my kids. They were very flexible like that but equally they were thrilled to have me as I had tons of experience and they knew I was only staying in the job because of the flexibility and the part time hours.

It was not hard to get full time work again. But there is plenty of jobs in my industry. It was very difficult to get used to working full time. I loved having time with the kids and I had also picked up a bucket load of volunteer work like play groups, parenting associations ect… so that mostly had to go.

I like being busy. Although I’m not especially money motivated. We definitely have nicer holidays now and a newer car ect.., but honestly the kids are small for such a short amount of time it was worth the financial sacrifice

Yes the potential nights away are a big factor for sure.

You also don’t get missed pension contributions, compound interest on savings and investments, options for good healthcare, options for good dentistry etc etc. back either. I’m all for people making choices that work for them but let’s not pretend that SAHP do lose out. And that’s without even considering the 50% divorce rate…

It isn't but being a TA doesn't nothing for your CV if you want the good £80k job again in 5 years or so.

So many people focusing on money only but forgetting that kids will definitely benefit from having more time with their parents when they are babies/toddlers

So many people treat money and financial security as somethingm I don't know, optional? Nice to have? Financial stress and poverty affect parenting quality and child wellbeing more broadly than having a parent at home.

Your call. Your career and salary are your security net though. Think of your pension and being able to retire early if you play your cards right too. Going PT after your 🤞 2nd Mat leave be better. Could put in a flexible working request then when wee folk at school increase your hours. £30k is a massive drop. Time without money (or vice versa) isn’t much fun so crunch the numbers on salary calculator and be realistic about the impact to get balance right and also be prepared for resentment either side with new arrangement (to head that off at the pass too).

Personally I think kids need you much more when they are older. As in specifically you rather than someone in their immediate circle. I'd be with you if you didnt earn well and work from home 3 days but actually you have a great thing going - you can work around your kids and get quality time with them to a large extent because of WFH plus financially you're doing well. I would take the maternity leave offered and then put in a flexible working request for 4 day week at your current place. You are close enough then to full time that your promotion prospects shouldnt change but may be able to get to one day in the office a week. The day off will make a big difference. Get a cleaner as others suggest so you are outsourcing the stuff anyone can do, and use the time with your kids. You will then be better positioned to step it back up to 5 days and also for promotions. A job you love that pays well is very hard to find.

Remember that one day they will leave and you will only have what is left. You will want something for yourself then. Also, it is much much easier to be flexible higher up the chain. Kids (I think) need you in their teen years/exams - if you continue to climb in your role until then you'll likely be in a position to delegate and work from home more around them, take a sabbatical, maybe even self employed consultancy to really control your hours. You can't just fall into high level well paid work easily after years doing low level, low hours work (not unheard of but unusual)

And doing a full on full time stressful job when you go back to work after having a second child does no good for your mental health either. If I had my time again I'd have stuck to my 3 days a week role like glue and would not have burned out after two years and had to spend two years away from my profession doing something completely different while my mental health recoveredd.

Bath is a great city for teens and easy to get to Bristol. But I’d choose location wisely. Personally I’d probably live in Weston or Combe Down if I had the budget! Or Bear Flat. I would not commute to London for a job from Bath unless I was paid a fortune.

She's not being a TA for £30k PA for three days a week.

I wouldn’t do this. You have a good salary and flexibility. If you wfh 3 days a week would you be able to do drop/pick up when your kids are school age? If yes that’s a fantastic benefit. I went down to 4 days, and it gave me a fab balance of time with the kids and have fully kept my career going, and my pension is v healthy. Plus with a well established job you’ll have flexibility I imagine for the nativities, school assemblies and sports days. In a school hours job you might not get that. Plus they are like hens teeth!!

Not sure of your industry but with all the AI advancements I’d be very cautious of dropping out of the workforce. It’s brutal in the job market now.