AIBU to give up an £80,000 job to work part time school hours?

[fieldmouse231]

We live in London and have a one-year-old DS. I earn more than my husband (c.£30k more) and work for a supportive company where I can WFH three days a week; my commute is 50 minutes. I’m back at work full time, earn £80k, quite enjoy my job and am well regarded, but I’m not especially career-motivated.

Our son is in nursery. I do pick-ups and drop-offs four days a week as my husband has a 90-minute commute, long hours (construction industry) and needs to be in the office four days a week.

We have a small mortgage for London (c.£800pcm) and over £100k in savings between us.

We’re planning a second child and I’d really like to take a step back after my second maternity leave (if we’re lucky enough to have another). Ideally I’d work part-time around school hours so I could manage drop-offs and pick-ups, and potentially spend 2–3 days a week caring for the children before they start school.

We’d also love to move out of London for more space and a countryside lifestyle — currently considering Bath. This would likely mean giving up my current job or having a very long commute. My husband is very career-motivated (this is a second career for him) and keen to progress; his work is project-based and may involve staying away three nights a week depending on location.

I don’t want to stop working entirely — it’s important for my identity and self-confidence — but equally I feel strongly about being present for my children and running our household.

AIBU to give up my £80k job and (inevitably) take a much lower-paid role to prioritise time with my children and family life?

Bath is also an expensive city to live in isn't it?

Be careful about the idea of being able to 'walk back into' a new job after taking time out, even for reduced income. I know lots of women who gave up work/went part time when their kids were very young, and a decade on found that's it's very hard to get back up to the level they were previously at.

Idea - might it be possible to move to Bath, and negotiate with your company being in the London office two days a week, when you stay overnight in a premier inn? Then you could work the other three days from home and benefit from having a less expensive lifestyle in Bath/bigger house etc?

Someone in my husband's company does this, and it works fine. Obviously you'd want to make that move before you have your second baby though!

Have you looked at jobs in the area you want to move to, the hours they are and the salary? I think a £60k+ drop of salary is going to be hard to deal with especially moving to a city that’s almost as expensive as London is. I’d be surprised if you can get a P/T school hours admin role that pays above £20k pa.

OP I did almost exactly what you’re considering, but the key difference was that I found my previous job stressful and inflexible and didn’t really enjoy it. If you generally enjoy your job I’d probably try everything I could to make that work first (you mention a job share in a previous post - worth at least discussing that with your employer).

I’m happy with my decision but it has ruined my career, it’s unlikely I’ll ever get back to a senior level again. I don’t mind as I was never that career driven but worth thinking if that would bother you or not.

Unconnected to your main question but I actually also really regret leaving London and miss it but that’s probably one for another thread!

I had the same temptation as it is very hard to work in professional job with little kids but I also want to make my kids life easier. I would want to to pay their university expenses/buy a small flat and it wouldn't be possible with part time minimum wage job. I know this sort of help makes a huge difference for young adults prospects so this thought keep me going when I need to get up after sleepless night.

And TA jobs are so stressful that it's not worth it if you can do better, sorry.

Or even if her husband loses his job?

With the rise of AI and the precarious economy, few jobs are safe. Depending on just one income, especially when you have children, is very risky.

I work p/t in my current company, when I went p/t I dropped £16k and this was 9yrs ago. I’m still p/t and only just nearing earning the same wage I was f/t before I cut my hours. This is with role changes and moves towards too.

We live in a relatively affordable part of the country but those first 5yrs were hard going.

My DH also earns over double what yours does. It is not easy and your lifestyle will suffer from what you are used to.

I was in your position a few years back and the thought of going part time or being a SAHM crossed my mind several times. I didn't do it and continued working and now looking back I don't regret it at all. Continuing to work meant I was busy, well stimulated, well paid and my job now provides the kind of flexibility that allows me to work from home, pick up my kids from school when I'm not in the office, go to every school play, parents meeting, etc. It has also allowed me to keep my financial independence, a great social circle of intelligent, well educated people to interact with, not to mention the comfort and opportunities that our financial position allows. This would never had been possible if I had opted out of working to stay home. And no, I don't LOVE my job and I'm not super career driven, but I do love the opportunities my job has provided and the stimulating interactions and challenges it has presented. I would probably have gone nuts staying home doing housework and focusing solely on the kids. It really has made me a better person and better parent.

My daughter worked as a school TA, she earned just over £12k and it’s hard work!

How many hours a week?
It was such a nice job a few years ago but today no it isn't.

I worked part time school hours until my last of 3 left primary school.
im so glad - I don’t regret it at all.
they are only children once. Just having you around after school can help foster such a good attachment and sense of safety.

I wouldn’t, OP. In your shoes, I’d probably stick to having one child to make my job etc more manageable @fieldmouse231

OP, as someone who works in a school, I’m very surprised that you think working in a school will provide a better life work balance?
TAs at most schools have to arrive before and leave after pupils. The salary for full time experienced TAs is usually 25k max, with much less for unqualified ones. Some part time TAs are only paid in term time, which leaves a big gap in the holidays.
Lots of teachers and TAs are leaving the profession as there is so much pressure and everyone is so overworked.
I’d think very carefully before giving up what sounds like an enjoyable and very well paid job for - well- what could be the opposite of that!

Another thing to think about is that a surprising number of activities in my DCs primary school were during the working day e.g. school assemblies that parents were invited to, school trips that they needed parent volunteers for, sports matches against other schools etc.
Unless your new job happens to be in the same school you may well miss all of those. I found that the full-time working parents (especially those working from home) had a lot more flexibility and found it easier to just start later or leave early on those days or even take a day’s annual leave as opposed to those working fixed hours during the school day. The school admin staff, TAs and teachers I know in particular often missed their own DCs’ school events as they couldn’t take time off work mid-week.

Wfh 3 days a week, commute of 50 mins and 80k pa is gold dust OP - see it for what it is.

I’m not saying don’t prioritise your kids as it’s an eminently valuable thing to do but the reality is you may never find another role like it.

If I were you, rather than taking a pay cut to 50k I’d throw 30k at childcare and domestic support - so that the time spent with your kids is better quality.

I don’t think you’re being at all unreasonable in prioritising spending time with your children in their early years if you can possibly afford it - it’s time you can never get back and they will benefit so much from spending more time with you. I stayed at home for several years when my daughter was born - we were penniless and it was very difficult to make ends meet at times, but it was 100% worth it and we’ve never had any regrets.

Have you considered if this financially makes sense? If you did less hours and earned less, plus had two kids...who will when they get older start doing extra curricular activities as well...it only makes sense if you can afford this with the reduced hours.

You are not being unreasonable with either option, as long as your expectations match any potential career change. So you would very possibly have to reduce your standard of living (holidays, meals out), and if you move also possibly property size (despite living in London now, even if you can go mortgage free bigger houses mean higher energy costs, higher council tax etc).

However, if your priority is time with your kids over these things, absolutely reduce your working hours. With your husbands current salary, you probably can't do both at the moment, but neither option is wrong, its just a choice.

Also consider your future planning, you will be making much larger pension contributions at your current salary so reducing for a period of time will have an impact on future retirement resources as well.

You have a lot in savings, (consider investments for some if you haven't already, its a lot to keep in cash which will lose value over time), so are clearly savvy around money. Just be prepared to live on a tighter budget for a period of time if you choose to leave your current role (which honestly does sound like a good balanced role for a decent salary!).

I did this. The trade-off is we live in a small flat. I took a career hit. I’m now recovered career wise sbd doing better than before kids. I don’t regret my decision as they are young fkr a few short years. I now have the rest of my life to build up my enpire if that’s what I want.

you will need to decide where you are happy to compromise. Unfortunately, you cab’t have it all.

Erghhhhh.

Not sure about this plan...it wouldn't be for me...

I'd want to stay in the job and keep building a safety net and enjoy the mat pay / security that comes with 80k job.
Maybe review after...
A 50k pa job that means your dh doesnt do any drop offs or pick ups doesnt ring my bell tbh. In 2 yrs or so when you are finishing mat leave you'll have a better view on his financial prospects.

So on that basis Id give it a few years to see if all that hot chat about progression in his career materialises.

Alongside this maybe do a 4 day over 5 ...?

(I say this as someone in your position... I actually earned almost double my dh when we had our first DC 4 yrs ago. He took a slight cut to go into a new sector)

I have kept my hand in we are now close to parity... my salary dropped a bit but his has come up significantly (50k)
I plan to drop my work/salary down in the next few years to give us better balance

Also Bath is ££££
When i was snooping on rightmove it looked like i would basically just be moving our london house and mortgage to Bath....😵‍💫

Exhibit A
https://www.rightmove.co.uk/properties/171738176#/?channel=RES_BUY

Our house in london is actually sloghtly bigger 😭

I earn more than my husband (c.£30k more) and work for a supportive company where I can WFH three days a week; my commute is 50 minutes.. earn £80k, quite enjoy my job

Yes, you would be mad to give all this up to 'run a household'. Get some help around the house. If still too challenging and you want a parent spending more time with the DC, DH should be one reducing his hours. It really isn't that easy to waltz back into a similar job after you have been doing an unrelated part time job that fits around school hours.

So you earn £30k more than your husband and are prepared to sacrifice that for his career where he might end up staying away 3 nights a week leaving you at least £40k/year worst off and on your own with potentially two children for nearly 50% of the time? In a new area you haven’t lived in before.

I will genuinely never understand how some women sleepwalk into these situations. Never in my life.

I really recommend what I did - 4 days a week in the same job when they were little. Lovely to have a full day off with them. Job share can also go well.

I wouldn't over romanticise the school pick up thing - it's a couple of hours a day when many children just have a snack and watch TV, not really quality time. I like doing it once a week (DH does it once too) but my kids are very happy in after school club playing with other children.

I also personally wouldn't like - but you may feel differently - being the one to take a little job while DH didn't do his share of parenting.

I would reduce your hours if you can. Too much pressure working full time with two young children. I would try to stay Londonish...lots of areas in greater london with easy commute to london for your husband.