AIBU to give up an £80,000 job to work part time school hours?

[fieldmouse231]

We live in London and have a one-year-old DS. I earn more than my husband (c.£30k more) and work for a supportive company where I can WFH three days a week; my commute is 50 minutes. I’m back at work full time, earn £80k, quite enjoy my job and am well regarded, but I’m not especially career-motivated.

Our son is in nursery. I do pick-ups and drop-offs four days a week as my husband has a 90-minute commute, long hours (construction industry) and needs to be in the office four days a week.

We have a small mortgage for London (c.£800pcm) and over £100k in savings between us.

We’re planning a second child and I’d really like to take a step back after my second maternity leave (if we’re lucky enough to have another). Ideally I’d work part-time around school hours so I could manage drop-offs and pick-ups, and potentially spend 2–3 days a week caring for the children before they start school.

We’d also love to move out of London for more space and a countryside lifestyle — currently considering Bath. This would likely mean giving up my current job or having a very long commute. My husband is very career-motivated (this is a second career for him) and keen to progress; his work is project-based and may involve staying away three nights a week depending on location.

I don’t want to stop working entirely — it’s important for my identity and self-confidence — but equally I feel strongly about being present for my children and running our household.

AIBU to give up my £80k job and (inevitably) take a much lower-paid role to prioritise time with my children and family life?

I don't see how it could work financially. If you move away from London you will both take a pay cut. His will probably go from 50K to maybe 40K, yours will go from 80K to maybe 20K if it's part time and school hours only. So you will end up with less than 50% of what you are earning now but Bath is definitely not 50% cheaper to live in than London. On top of that both your pensions will suffer, but yours will plummet.

Your job sounds really quite convenient, it would make much more sense to stay and reduce the hours for a few years than up sticks and go into a low paid job.

You're not being unreasonable either way but I'd question whether you'd have the lifestyle that you think you'll have in Bath on a significantly reduced income, a potentially less stimulating job, a DH who is away a lot more and two young children.

It sounds idyllic on paper but a huge risk if you can't find suitable p/t work - your savings pot won't last long if your income takes a massive drop or if you and DH were to split up. I'd look at other options as well - for example, taking a chunk of parental leave, going p/t in your current role, buying in help with the housework/garden.

( @HoskinsChoice "And I'd be a fucking awful employee at that level as I'd want to interfere and run the place!" This would be me too! 😊)

I think this is probably the best option. The issue is that I think 4 days a week will just be same work, more stress and less money, and I don’t think the job could be done in three days. I’m the only one doing my particular role in the team…I wonder if I could get them to agree to a job share eventually.

Or get hit by a bus?

You're right. You have to think of all possibilities. Tragedy can strike at any time.

Could you do a compressed week, so 4 longer days, but without the salary drop? Or a 9-day fortnight, so you'd have a day off every other week, but again not losing any time or pay

Hopefully neither of these things happen!! Fortunately my job is transferable between industries so I’m confident I could go back quite easily, but not at the 80k level, currently I’m sort of a deputy and those jobs paying that well are quite few and far between. I’d probably be looking at more like £40k for a job I could literally walk back into.

He won’t take a pay cut - his salary is not location dependent, in fact he doesn’t even work in London now.

Op can you go part-time in your current role?
Or if you can it might be worthwhile sticking with full-time until your oldest starts school.

Thats when working shorter hours really has its advantages. Being able to collect kids and get them to clubs etc is a blessing.

Lots of kids clubs and activities seem to start at 4/5/6pm which just doesn't work if you are using wrap around care and don't finish work until 5pm

Definitely worth thinking about. The problem is that getting a cleaner etc doesn’t enable me to pick up my kids from school etc.

Long term I’d love to retrain in something like speech therapy, but that’s probably not feasible now, and I know probably falls into the ‘idyllic’ category that probably isn’t as great as it might seem…

I imagined that for a school hours job it would have to be something like admin or TA, so totally different to what I do now.

You won’t save much money on property in Bath, it’s one of the most expensive cities in the south west.

Thanks for sharing. How many days did you work when you were part time and was it hard to return to full time?

But equally, finding a job paying 80k shouldn't be too difficult.

This is a good summary. He’s on board and we have budgeted but I think the budget on paper is different to what it might feel like in reality…

Tricky. For me it would depend on DH career trajectory. Your combined income now is 130k. Assuming your PT role will be £25k, he will need to more than double his income to come anywhere near your current family pot.

I would stick in current role. Use parental leave in blocks in first 4 years. This will reduce your income- but then you could also pick up a small CB element if say you took 2 x 2 week blocks over a 12 month period.

Note that even working in a school will not necessarily enable you to collect / drop kids at school. Few roles are 930-1500.

Also re move- I'd almost want to keep the 80k salary for mortgage purposes- but then if you do qui, be wary of overstretching.

Yes it is an interesting and challenging role. I think I notice that I’m very capable of it but don’t maybe love it as much as I feel others do/I should do given all the opportunities I have with it. I’m fine being told what to do etc so don’t have the same concern but I guess I might well feel differently a few years/months in!

Would your current employer allow 4 days worked over 5? With tax, this is not a 20% reduction in take home. Ut could give you the time and flexibility you want.

Not a terrible idea but how many jobs are there in your area with the kind of school hours you want?

The money for a TA compared to £80k and a good job?
Not all TAs jobs are hours of doing school runs anyway as you pu work in a school.
TA is so stressful today and so many mothers want the admin jobs. They don't come easy and again how many hours for what £?

Tbh no I wouldn't do it to gain the school run. I would pay a CM or after school club.

As someone who did this as I felt strongly about being a SAHM I would say no . My DCs would say now they think I wasted my talents. My DH at the time lost his job for awhile then couldn't work due to serious illness . My marriage broke down and I couldn't sustain myself as too many years out of workplace. My pension is non existent . These are all worse case scenarios that I never considered. Do your
research and see what you could do if any of these things happen.

The parental leave thing is this the 18 weeks total per child, max 4 per year?

Hmm that’s interesting. They don’t allow compressed hours but maybe they would consider four over five..

Could you adjust your working hours in your current role? Im also in London. After DD2 was born, I dropped to 22hrs a week spread across the week. So the organisation gets my availability most days but I finish at 2.45pm 3x per week for school pick up. I do drop off every day. 50/50 wfh vs office based - i just do a later start on the office days. DD1 is fine with after school club for the two days i cant pick up (commute from central). With your savings and low mortgage, you might be fine for a few years and then my plan is to go back FT once the littlest is settled in say y2.

I wouldn't. If you're used to a successful and stimulating career, chances are you would find something that fits around school hours rather mind numbing.

I cut to 4 days pw and bought in help and it's a great balance.

OP I work flexibly around school, I work 4 days (30 hours) over 5. DH does most drop offs so I can start earlier and I pick up. Do you have flex options where you currently are? Does your employer have a flexible outlook around kids, eg will they be okay with you going to sports days, nativity etc? I think you’d be mad to leave a job with your current set up before you’ve gotten all your kids through nursery. My sister is a TA and it’s Monday to Friday 8-4 so she uses wraparound for her kids every day.

Toddlers are lovely but a job to escape to is better than you might think right now…… 😉

I went PT after #2 and then worked back up to FT. I had a great salary and pension and have just retired at 54 (post divorce at 46)