To regularly spend weekends away when SC are here?

[Estebanjo]

My hometown is X. SC live primarily with their mum in Y. We (me, DH, DD3 and DD1) live in Z, which is equidistant between X and Y and two hours to each. Before anyone asks, SC’s mum moved, and I wasn’t the other woman!

We have SD13 and SS10 every other weekend. We all get on pretty well, but SD is often hormonal and dramatic at the moment, and SS is obsessed with sport. Due to the age gap, we often ‘divide and conquer’ so DH will end up entertaining SC somewhere whilst I look after DC alone. A lot of the cooking and chores fall to me on these weekends as DH - understandably - wants to focus on SC.

In the last few years, a lot of my friends have moved back to X and started families. My family is still there. I miss them and just being there. So I’ve started going back one weekend a month.

DC love it. SC don’t appear to care either way and I suspect enjoy having their dad to themselves. DH is unimpressed. AIBU to carry on?

Leave your DC with him when SC are visiting and go on your own, he can play happy families with all of them 'how lovely for the siblings to be together' and you get some time to yourself.
Would love to be a fly on the wall when you suggest that to him. Although of course he had no trouble suggesting you do all the childcare on your own while he gets a weekend off.

Exactly. He wants to dip in and out and do fun bits with the kids while you cook, clean and entertain them. Of course he's miffed.
And you are doing exactly the right thing. Enjoy time with your friends and family.

99bottlesofkombucha she could do this if he pulled his weight with them all when his kids are there. Until then, he reaps what he sows. Women are not men’s service animal.

I agree, he's a piece of work, but he is her piece of work and she doesn't seem too inclined to confrontation. Her leaving is her removing herself from him, too.

If he felt that sorry for his children having to deal with half siblings and step siblings, he would not have gone on and thrown more half siblings into their lives.
Quite frankly the number of parents who just don’t ever consider the damaging effect that having more and more children with different partners is depressing. It really is completely selfish. I cannot tell you the number of adults who have told me how fucked up it made them, it’s awful. Yes there are a few people who had a truly splendid time with all these half and step relations but let’s be truthful, they are the minority.
The op had 2 choices: either carry on as she us or go alone to visit her family and leave this Disney Dad with all his children.

I think it would be fair to compromise and go on a weekend when your SC aren't there if your DH comes too. Otherwise, no, carry on as you are. He doesn't get to dump a bunch of work on you and manufacture himself a weekend alone every month.

I haven't a clue what you're talking about.

@Estebanjo This.

You’re doing a great job. Seem like a good balance and you understand the (complicated!) dynamics at play.

There is no way I’d be going when SC’s not visiting so he gets a weekend to himself - cheeky f’er! Unless you’re leaving the DC’s behind so that he can have quality time with them while you take a break!

Tell him you are having ‘family time’ with your parents and siblings… it’s important your children have a relationship with your parents and friends…tell him to put on his big boy pants and manage for a whole 2 days without you cooking and cleaning up afte him!