Husband touched me when I was sleeping

[Ghaunj]

We have been on rocky ground for 4/5 years. Been through relationship counselling, therapy etc. He has a history of coercive behaviour (none recently) basically on very thin ice.

2 months ago he touched my breast when I was sleeping. At the time I didn't know if it was real or a dream, felt real and uncomfortable. Didn't say anything to him.

Sunday night it happened again except this time I woke to him pinching my nipple. I rolled over quickly and he stopped. Felt gross again and in the morning was confused about whether it was real.

This time I confronted him. His reaction was defensive and he said "oh yes I groped you in your sleep ofc I did" in a sarcastic way.

What the hell. What do I do?

Why are you still sleeping in the same bed? He should keep his hands to himself .

That's horrible. Pinching someone's nipple while they sleep? I kind of get that couples might touch eachother up when half asleep, then it can lead to pleasant consensual sex. But what he did clearly wasn't gently trying to turn you on. And if you don't usually have sex in this way then he shouldn't be pawing at you like this. Tell him to fuck off.

A sleeping person cannot consent. I guess it's ok if he full on has sex with me too?

She is asleep, she is not consenting to being touched.

If he wants to initiate sex or touch her sexually, he has to wake her up.

One day she may wake up to find him inside her.

Separate. Or separate beds.

You get the he'll out of dodge. He sexually assaulted you while you slept.

sorry I was still typing whilst the Op has sent her 2nd reply.

What is it that is keeping you in this relationship?

I don’t think touching in bed is unreasonable if both parties are ok with it and receptive to each others responses but you sound clearly unwilling and presumably he is aware of this?
Also think his sarcastic and dismissive attitude is red flag behaviour.

Can you leave, if you are fundamentally just happy around him?

Are you still intimate with each other or has sex been off the table for a while?

Hi, nice to meet you. Have you heard of consent in the world you live in?

Why are you with him? Let alone sharing a bed.

I've reported your post for victim blaming and perpetuating rape myths but before it gets deleted I want to point out that sexual contact between anyone ALWAYS requires consent and touching anyone sexually without consent, even your spouse, is sexual assault.

What difference does that make?

just wanted to say I’m sorry you’ve had some disgusting replies to your thread op.

you need to think carefully if it’s time to cut your losses and leave, not over this single event, but I’m sure for you it forms a collection of behaviours where you are now averse to your partner.

the fact alone that he doesn’t want to communicate with you about something that has upset you and crossed your boundaries says it all in my view.

Ignore the top above two victim blaming posters who are chatting complete shit.
Your OP gave me the shivers. There’s a HUGE difference between cuddling your sleeping partner and pinching their nipple then flatly denying it when asked. For me this would be cause to not be sharing a bed anymore and prob leave.

You need to leave.

In the meantime, don't share a bed with him. Is there a spare room you can sleep in?

You've been sexually assaulted. Make alternative sleeping arrangements even if that includes him sleeping on the sofa or at a friend's house if he can't do that. Tell him what it is, and tell him if he does it again, or anything similar you'll report him to the police.
I assume divorce proceedings are ongoing?

Just trying to build a picture before making judgement.

if my husband was to touch me in the night it wouldn’t be a big deal because we’re intimate and touching each other isn’t anything out of the ordinary.

For a couple who aren’t intimate this is something that would be seen as a red flag and inappropriate.

Quite. If my husband is to roll over in the night and have a quick cuddle/fondle to see if I'm in the mood it is most definitely not sexual assault. If im not in the mood I just say so or if I am than he can crack on.

How do you initiate sex in a normal marriage if you cant even cuddle in bed without being accused of sexual assault?

He didn’t just touch her breast though. He pinched her nipple then denied doing it.