Husband touched me when I was sleeping

[Ghaunj]

We have been on rocky ground for 4/5 years. Been through relationship counselling, therapy etc. He has a history of coercive behaviour (none recently) basically on very thin ice.

2 months ago he touched my breast when I was sleeping. At the time I didn't know if it was real or a dream, felt real and uncomfortable. Didn't say anything to him.

Sunday night it happened again except this time I woke to him pinching my nipple. I rolled over quickly and he stopped. Felt gross again and in the morning was confused about whether it was real.

This time I confronted him. His reaction was defensive and he said "oh yes I groped you in your sleep ofc I did" in a sarcastic way.

What the hell. What do I do?

Don’t let him gaslight you. He didn’t just touch you when you were sleeping, he sexually assaulted you. This is an absolute violation of you and would be a deal breaker. And to those saying about how do you initiate without any contact like this. This is an entirely different context, you were asleep, clearly not giving any indication of wanting anything.

What you like is irrelevant!

I am losing the will to live. I hope the OP is just ignoring all of these people who obviously don’t get it. He also denied it, which I’m guessing none of these “we touch each other in our sleep”
couples would feel the need to do…

Exactly.

sleep groping is a thing but it doesnt sound like it is the case here.

there is a condition called sexsomnia - my husband has it

Oh ffs go away!

What do you mean "exactly"?

OP explained that her husband has a history of abusive behaviour. He is touching her without her consent (also known as sexual assault) while she sleeps and denying he did it when questioned later. This is not "a couple who aren't intimate", this is an abusive relationship.

It's irrelevant for posters to keep chiming in with "I don't mind if my husband does it". OP does mind, and understandably so.

Has that been formally diagnosed? I hope he's seeking treatment.

no it hasn't because he refuses to see a doctor. He refuses treatment of any kind. it was the smallest of many problems which ended up totally breaking me. I never gave it any thought at the time and didnt even tell him he was doing it

In that case, and given how rare it is, I wouldn't be so sure he isn't just abusive. I'm sorry you experienced that, and worse. I hope things are better for you now.

I do wonder now. im totally broken - I had a psychotic breakdown nine years ago when I was finishing my phd at an elite university. it was the passion of my life and id worked so hard to get there from a background of poverty and trauma. He Mae life very difficult in the run up to my submission. I honestly dont know what ot tihnk. im toitally broken and lost everythign - I dont even know how I am at all. I thought we had an amazing marriage

OP a friend of mine had something not dissimilar. Her husband would ‘accidentally’ hit her in the face while in bed, allegedly while turning over in his sleep. And he’d deny it. He was also coercively controlling her. Over time it escalated to full on violent assault and coerced sex. I think you need to leave this relationship, and do it safely - protect yourself.

The answer is you don't touch someone sexually when they are unconscious...does this really need explaining? Peculiar