Husband touched me when I was sleeping

[Ghaunj]

We have been on rocky ground for 4/5 years. Been through relationship counselling, therapy etc. He has a history of coercive behaviour (none recently) basically on very thin ice.

2 months ago he touched my breast when I was sleeping. At the time I didn't know if it was real or a dream, felt real and uncomfortable. Didn't say anything to him.

Sunday night it happened again except this time I woke to him pinching my nipple. I rolled over quickly and he stopped. Felt gross again and in the morning was confused about whether it was real.

This time I confronted him. His reaction was defensive and he said "oh yes I groped you in your sleep ofc I did" in a sarcastic way.

What the hell. What do I do?

Ok no problem, thanks for the lovely reply :)

So bloody what? No one except you gives a damn about your sex life and what you do and don't enjoy. The OP has made it perfectly clear she doesn't want to be groped in her sleep.

Either you're telling her what happened to her is fine because you like that kind of thing, or you're talking at random about your sex life because for some inexplicable reason you think the women of Mumsnet are desperate to hear about it. Neither option reflects well on you.

His response tells you everything you need to know, OP. This would be the final straw for me.

They’re all the bloody same aren’t they 🤮

A history of coercive behaviour? Get rid.

Sorry OP x

You need separate beds at a minimum if you won’t leave.

In a normal healthy relationship yes you might gently touch each other but this is clearly not the case here and he is using sharing the same bed as a way to touch you when you don’t want it.

You wake them up first.

I think consent still applies even in romantic relationships.

In no way did I say those words, that is a terrible thing to accuse me of. Please do not respond to my posts anymore.

Several times I’ve woken up holding dh hand, no idea who holds who’s hand first as we are both asleep. I know that’s a different situation to what OP is describing just using it as an example.

Consent is the key here. The OP doesn't consent and it's a new strange thing in her relationship., which doesn't sound normal or healthy. Why are you minimising that?

Your experience isn’t reflective of a normal, loving, consensual relationship OP. You’re not unreasonable for having been made to feel uncomfortable (violated?) by this.
The key here is it was unwanted. But how was he to know it’s unwanted? Well, quite clearly, it wasn’t approved or requested, because you were asleep.

I just don't know what to do from here really. I have nowhere to go, family are all 4-6 hours away.

How do you accidentally pinch somebody’s nipples in your sleep.

I am not minimising what has happened to OP. It sounds as if she is in an abusive relationship and should look at leaving or at the very least removing her partner from her bedroom if she is unableto leave. My comment was replying to someone asking why context mattered.

I’m so sorry OP. This is very common in abusive relationships - it may start, or escalate once you are away from your support network. Can you contact Women’s Aid?

What’s your housing situation op? If you tell us what the barriers are to leaving we might be able to help you.

What the hell are YOU suggesting!

Oh do fuck off.

I can’t see any other solution besides separate bedrooms or separating altogether.

My partner and I do touch each other to initiate/wake the other one up, but it’s absolutely fine and has been previously discussed and agreed. Him randomly groping you is not okay (even if he doesn’t understand why it’s not okay due to his entitlement).

This is just disgusting OP.
definitely do not share a bed with this man. You aren’t safe !

Ew did you really sit and type all that 🫠

I think if you are at this stage your marriage is already over, if my husband touched me in my sleep I would only be mildly irritated if it disturbed my sleep not because I’d feel gross about it.

Have you spoken to him about separating? What is your situation? I think that is clearly your next step as there is no relationship here.

Yep.

Up until this point, I thought they were already separating?

Being touched in sleep is irritant for most people, this sounds beyond and you need to break up really. I certainly would not be comfortable sleeping next to this person.