Husband touched me when I was sleeping

[Ghaunj]

We have been on rocky ground for 4/5 years. Been through relationship counselling, therapy etc. He has a history of coercive behaviour (none recently) basically on very thin ice.

2 months ago he touched my breast when I was sleeping. At the time I didn't know if it was real or a dream, felt real and uncomfortable. Didn't say anything to him.

Sunday night it happened again except this time I woke to him pinching my nipple. I rolled over quickly and he stopped. Felt gross again and in the morning was confused about whether it was real.

This time I confronted him. His reaction was defensive and he said "oh yes I groped you in your sleep ofc I did" in a sarcastic way.

What the hell. What do I do?

There are boxes to tick such as "fleeing abuse" or "separation" so you can apply out of your household. There is no time limit, people are bidding for years before housed.

I knew someone would read it that way! I mean it’s sad she’s at that point in her relationship where him touching her is assault and it doesn’t appeal to her!

Again I didn’t mean it’s her fault! I mean what a shame their relationship is at this point be feels the need to do that.

He feels the need to do what? Assault his wife?

You have a really bizarre perspective on this.

He's touched her twice when she was asleep. The second time he denied it. Touching someone sexually without their consent is assault. Just because some people are in relationships where they don't mind being touched when they are asleep doesn't mean that this is ok.

It is not OK on any level whatsoever

She's been bidding for a council house for three years. She wants to get away from him. Do people think this is just about her being touched in her sleep. I bet it isn't!

Why are you sharing a bed with him, I find that odd. Ur dh is obvs a weirdo, mine wouldn’t ever touch me without consent if we had an argument and were not talking

Maybe because there's no space for her to sleep elsewhere.

This.

Thing is, being a couple who are intimate doesn't mean you are ok with your tit being pinched.

Anyone can apply to get on the housing register and of course there isn't a time limit on bidding - it takes average ten years to get to the top of the list in band C in my area!

What do you mean "This."?

OP explained that her husband has a history of abusive behaviour. He is touching her without her consent (also known as sexual assault) while she sleeps and denying he did it when questioned later. This is not "a couple who aren't intimate", this is an abusive relationship.

It's entirely irrelevant whether other women wouldn't care if their partner did it, and dismisses the OPs very understandable concerns.

I think I’ve worded this totally wrong!
I’m agreeing he’s a prick! My DH does it to me but because we are happy I don’t think anything of it even if I’m not remotely in the mood!

So your experience is nothing like what the OP has described then?

In case you're not aware, consent can be withdrawn at any stage. Even in a marriage. Even in a happy marriage. Nobody has to accept another person touching them intimately without their agreement. The fact that you accept your husband fondling you in your sleep is irrelevant to OP.

OP, I might have the wrong end of the stick here but if you need support and refuge services specifically for Asian women, you can contact Kiran Support Services or google one of the many local services around the country by typing Asian women’s aid refuge + your location.

So because you are happy it's fine that he touches your private parts in bed when you are asleep? Ok. So what people need to to do is work on being happy so that it's fine when someone touches your breasts when you are sleeping - so happy marriage touching is ok and unhappy - not ok. What about personal preference. Does that not matter?

I reported my ex partner for this and touching me in other ways while I slept. He's now facing sexual assault and rape charges.

This is sexual assault, it's not okay in any way shape or form. Leave him and report it to the police. I really hope you are okay, no one has any right to violate you in this way.

@Ghaunj Didn't you turn down a council house already because you were unhappy with the area?

I mean just get of this pervert why on earth would you want to stay that’s awful it’s so disrespectful
im surprised you didn’t leave the first time round people have some funny ideas as to what is ok and some very low standards/expectations

As his reply was said sarcastically could he have been asleep himself and not realised he had groped you? Is sleep groping a thing? 🤔

Divorce, he is an abuser

Reading your posts I think you are trapped in a relationship because of housing and already have yourself on waiting lists and flagged as separation / abuse.

Not sure there is much more you can do? Negotiate on / off sleeping on sofa?

Of course if in real danger just get out to a relative or friend.

Divorce. Your marriage has been bad fir 5 years. It is now worse.

@Ghaunj

One poster has suggested an Asian help site, I suggest Southall Black Sisters if you do happen to be Asian or Black.
They are very location specific but I believe even if you don't live in their catchment area, they ought to be able to signpost you elsewhere.

southallblacksisters.org.uk

tel:0208 571 0800 020 8571 0800 or email [email protected]

@Boomer55 same here, I like waking up with dh gently stroking me but then our relationship is rather different to the ops and im
guess some other posters.